Expertly, Maggie pushed the pain to one side, drawing up the protective wall she’d had to build throughout her life.
‘Never one to disappoint are you, Dad? God knows what would actually happen if you managed to say “hello” after not seeing me for a year. It’d be like the Second Coming.’
‘Oh please, you’ll have me running to the bog to shit out the crap you’re talking. You expect me to roll out the red carpet when you got yourself into the mess in the first place?’
‘No, just a “hello” would do.’
Max snorted. ‘You must think you’re the Queen of Sheba. Take off that pair of big fucking boots you’re wearing before they kick you in the arse.’
Maggie paused and took a deep breath. She was determined her father wouldn’t get the rise he was looking for. When she had the fire in her belly not many things would stop her clenching her fists and wading in, even if it meant her coming off worse.
That’s what’d partly got her into the latest trouble. Most of her life her anger had gotten the better of her. She’d become resilient to being knocked about and getting into fights with people when her temper rose up. But everything had to be different now. She’d made a promise to herself. Even though she knew it was going to be hard not to resort to fists and fury, she had to try. Besides, being away this last time had changed her.
After a minute she spoke, narrowing her eyes as she did so. ‘You’ve got the front to stand there and say it was all my fault?’
Max grinned menacingly and winked at his daughter, waiting for the usual reaction. But instead, Maggie calmly stepped forward, surprising herself with her control. The surprise was also reflected in Max’s eyes. This wasn’t the Maggie he knew. The Maggie he knew would have verbally leapt at him without thinking of the consequences, but this tall, beautiful, self-composed woman was a stranger to him. A stranger who unnerved even him.
Maggie was within spitting distance of her father’s whiskey-smelling breath, centimetres away from his unshaven face. She stood glaring back at him, struck by a sudden realisation; she wasn’t afraid of Max now, not the way she used to be. Wary perhaps, but she’d lost the nauseating fear that used to sit tightly around her chest, stifling the air she breathed, causing her to sometimes wet herself, even as a teenager, when she’d heard his voice.
She felt a light touch on her arm and Maggie became aware of her mother, Sheila, standing fearfully by her side.
‘Leave it Maggie, please. For me. No trouble.’
Maggie looked at her mother and smiled softly, wanting to calm the dancing fear she saw in the terrified eyes staring up at her. Feeling the trembling hand on her arm made Maggie’s heart almost burst with sadness.
She took in every detail of her mother’s face as they stood in the overheated kitchen; the deep furrowed lines, the grey hairs by her temples, the little scar above her lip – the result of a broken bottle thrown in her face – and lastly, her mother’s eyes: wide, anxious and blue like her own. Maggie slowly nodded. She would keep the peace – at least for today she would.
Stepping back from her father and facing her mother straight on, she spoke quietly and warmly with love in her eyes.
‘For you; I’ll do anything for you.’
Maggie touched her mother’s cheek then bent down slightly to kiss Sheila on her forehead. ‘It’s good to see you Mum. I’ve missed you.’
Max Donaldson watched this exchange scornfully but also acutely conscious of the change in his daughter.
She was no longer afraid of him and he knew it could only spell one thing: trouble.
Still deep in thought, Max took out a small folded wrap from his pocket and emptied the white powder on the table. Leaning over, he pulled a rolled-up twenty pound note from his other pocket and, holding one nostril and placing the note in the other nostril, he expertly snorted up the cocaine in one go.
As it cut the back of his throat and the first tingle of coke hit his bloodstream, he straightened himself up, rubbing his nose between two nicotine stained fingers to wipe off any excess. He stared hard at Maggie who stood defiantly watching him from across the other side of the table.
He chose to ignore her. He had to think. Picking up his car keys, Max walked out of the kitchen, deciding he needed to find a way of putting his tramp of a daughter firmly in her place – and preferably sooner rather than later.
As soon as she heard the front door shut, Maggie threw down her bag and grinned excitedly, giving her mum a huge hug as she spoke.
‘Well, where are they? Where am I going to meet them?’
Sheila broke away from the hug and looked down nervously at the red tiled floor, deciding it needed another clean now that most of last night’s dinner had been chucked onto it. Not wanting to look at her daughter directly, she spoke softly.
‘That’s what I was going to tell you love; I didn’t like to worry you when I came to visit, but a few things have changed since you were here.’
Maggie squinted her eyes. She always knew when her mum didn’t want to tell her something, especially if it was something bad. This was one of those times. Watching her mother shuffle from side to side, Maggie bent her tall, slender frame down to her mother’s eye level and spoke firmly but quietly.
‘Mum, if you’ve got something to say, for God’s sake, spit it out.’
Shelia stared into her daughter’s eyes for a split second but quickly turned away, unable to hold her gaze. Her daughter’s big blue eyes always made her feel guilty, reminding her of her kids’ rotten childhood.
Maggie had seen so much and heard so much but complained so little. She’d always been a good daughter to her. Even though Maggie had suffered at the hands of her father and had been left for hours on end to look after her siblings when her mum was either in hospital or just couldn’t cope, Maggie had always been loyal.
Her daughter was the only one who’d helped around the house, making well-needed brews, helping with the mounds of dirty laundry and the seemingly never-ending piles of washing up. It was only Maggie who’d ever spoken kind words to her and it was only Maggie who’d ever walked through a blizzard of snow to come and visit her in hospital when Max had fractured her pelvis. And closing her eyes at the thought, Sheila knew it’d only ever been Maggie who, even from an early age, had stood terrified but bravely in front of Max, willing to take the punches instead of letting him hurt her mum and siblings. Shamefully she’d let her; Sheila had let her daughter stand there, becoming a human shield for her and for her other children.
Shelia knew by rights it should’ve been her who was there for her daughter, but knowing life would’ve been even more intolerable than it already was without Maggie, she ignored the gnawing guilt of this role reversal and just continued to be grateful for the care her daughter showed. And now the one time Maggie had actually asked her for help and needed some support, she’d let her down and Sheila Donaldson didn’t quite know how she was going to tell her.
‘Sweetheart, you better sit down. You won’t like what I’ve got to say.’
Max Donaldson hacked a deep chesty cough, releasing sticky yellow mucus from the back of his throat before spitting it out expertly on the step of Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club. He was angry. Not just because Maggie was back home. And not just because the stifling heat of the Soho streets was causing the sweat to drip down his back. And certainly not just because of the run-in he’d had last night at the casino with one of his rivals. He was angry for no other reason because that was who he was and always had been.
Since he was young, Max had felt the presence of anger as he felt the presence of the air he breathed. On some days he’d wake up feeling the slow burn of irritation, and by the time he’d got washed, shaved and was ready for breakfast, he was ready to pummel anyone who got in his way. He didn’t fight the feeling