CATALINA WONDERED IF she’d misheard him. ‘Your aunt?’
He shook his head, his lips forming into a sneer. ‘Not my aunt. She was my uncle’s wife but I never thought of her as my aunt. When my parents died I thought of her as the Wicked Witch of the West.’
It was as if Catalina’s tongue had stuck to the roof of her mouth. She simply could not think of a response.
He’d had an affair with his uncle’s wife?
‘You remember the fight Dominic and I had that resulted in my expulsion?’
She managed a nod.
‘I told you I was sent to my uncle’s home in disgrace and that he was away on business. I expected to be dumped with a nanny or something of the sort but I guess Angelique didn’t have the chance to get anything organised. She had to deal with me herself rather than fob me off and pretend I didn’t exist.’ The distaste in his voice was clear. ‘I remember how she looked at me when she opened the door. It was the look the wolf gave Little Red Riding Hood. Physically, I’d changed a lot that year; I’d shot up and filled out. For the first time, she didn’t ignore my existence. She plied me with wine, dressed up, cooked me a special meal... I didn’t know it then but it was the beginning of her seduction.’ He shook his head. ‘You don’t need to hear the details but suffice to say when she crept into my bed I was in no position to turn her away. She was a beautiful woman at the height of her powers and she knew exactly what she was doing.’
Finally Catalina was able to speak. ‘She seduced a seventeen-year-old boy?’
‘Yes. She did. She seduced me. And I let her.’
Catalina shuddered, nausea swelling in her stomach. ‘That’s sick.’
His jaw clenched and he breathed heavily. ‘I did warn you.’
She placed a hand on his arm, worried he would think she was speaking about him. ‘No, not you. I mean Angelique. What a bitch.’
It was the first time Nathaniel had ever heard a curse fall from Catalina’s lips.
‘I have to take some of the blame. I let her.’
‘You were seventeen.’
‘Seventeen-year-olds know right from wrong and I knew very well that what we were doing was not just wrong but, as you rightly said, sick. My uncle took me in from the age of seven. He raised me...’
‘He let Angelique send you to boarding school.’
‘He did the best he could under the circumstances. He was there for every significant event and that was how I repaid him. The moral compass everyone else has does not apply to me. We slept together intermittently for six months, until the day my uncle came home from work early and caught her sneaking out of my room in only her underwear.’
He drained the rest of his beer and grimaced. ‘My uncle threw her out on the spot and gave me a week to move out. He said he would transfer the remainder of my trust fund to me on the condition I moved out of Paris and he never had to see me again.’
‘Have you seen him since?’
He shook his head. ‘I tried making contact a couple of times but he doesn’t want to know. He’s got a new life now. He divorced Angelique and remarried. He has a couple of kids of his own now. I know he’ll never forgive me. He was the last of my family—my grandmother had died by then—and I destroyed our relationship.’
The last of his family...
And she had run away carrying the child that would be the first true blood tie he’d had in a generation.
‘Did you ever make the first move on her?’
‘No.’ His answer was so vehement that she believed him. ‘I never wanted it to happen. It sickened me but on another level I must have wanted it because I allowed it to happen.’
She nodded slowly. ‘When I was at finishing school, I remember one of the English girls talking about her teenage brothers. She said they were randy little sods—her words—and that if we ever visited we should make sure to wear chastity belts.’
‘Don’t make excuses for me.’
‘I’m not. What you did was wrong, yes, but you were practically a child. Angelique was quite clearly a predator and the one in the position of power. She was beautiful and you were a walking hormone stick.’
A walking hormone stick?
Despite the gravity of the subject, Nathaniel couldn’t hold back the small burst of mirth that came to him, surprised to find he felt a fraction lighter.
He’d never spoken of this to anyone before. His uncle had never either—the press would have had a field day if he had. And nor had Angelique.
That his uncle had kept his counsel after the heinous way Nathaniel had repaid the love he’d given him only verified the qualities of the man who had taken in his orphan nephew and done his best to be a father to him.
Catalina gave the glimmer of a smile and said gently, ‘The age of consent in Monte Cleure is eighteen. If Angelique had seduced you there, she would have been guilty of statutory rape. Whatever guilt you’re holding onto, I seriously suggest you try to let it go.’
Looking into the chocolate eyes ringing with such gentle compassion, he remembered all of the reasons why he’d kept his distance from her before; the innocence he’d conveniently ignored when he’d been intent on her seduction and had got them into this situation in the first place.
He could no longer call their situation a mess. She was carrying his child. In many ways it was a miracle.
And despite everything she had done, the part of his heart that wasn’t still furious with her knew she was the complete antithesis of the woman who he had allowed to seduce him as a teenage boy.
Catalina had been driven to run by desperation. She was only returning to Monte Cleure with him for his sake. Unlike Angelique, she didn’t have a selfish bone in her body.
‘It’s not that easy.’
Her eyes were kind as she shook her head. ‘I don’t imagine it is.’
Their conversation was mercifully interrupted by their food being brought out to them.
Nathaniel watched Catalina cut into her steak, her eyes widening with appreciation as she chewed her first bite.
Something low in his gut moved, like an intense tug, while a fist clenched simultaneously in his chest.
They ate in silence for a while before she put down her fork to gaze at him. ‘What happened between you and Angelique...’
‘I can’t believe I told you that,’ he admitted. He’d thought he would go to his grave without sharing his shame.
He braced himself for her judgement. He’d expected disgust but her initial reaction hadn’t been at all what he’d thought it would be. She’d had a few minutes to gather her thoughts however...
‘I’m an expert at keeping secrets.’
He could well believe it; after all, she’d lived in the Monte Cleure palace all her life.
‘But one thing that has never been a secret is my father’s affairs.’
It was true. They had been well documented through the years.
‘He didn’t suffer from guilt of any kind,’ she continued. ‘If he was a better man he would have. Dominic’s the same as him. To them, women are possessions. You feel remorse. Whatever happened when you were seventeen, you’re a hundred times the men they are.’
His heart expanded so much he didn’t know if there was enough space in his chest to contain it.
Guilt didn’t