“I know.” Josh grinned. “Boy, it’s gut to have you home again.” He sobered, as if wondering whether that was the right thing to say.
Ben gripped his shoulder for a moment. “Me, too.” Regret swept over him. He’d let Josh down when he’d left, not even thinking of him. Dan and Joseph were enough older that Josh would never have confided in them. There seemed no end to the lives affected by his leaving.
Josh chattered as they worked on the sleigh, wiping away the dust that had accumulated over the summer and removing every speck of rust from the runners. “And besides, Anna loves to take the sleigh out. She’ll be surprised when she sees it’s ready. Anna does so much for everyone, I want to do something nice for her. She really is like a big sister to me.” He sent a sidelong glance at Ben, as if to see how he was taking that.
Ben figured the safest thing he could do was nod. Obviously everyone in the family would have been happy if he and Anna had married. He couldn’t marry to make other people happy, but given how strong an attraction she still had for him, maybe...
No maybes, he told himself. Whatever he did or didn’t do here, he couldn’t hurt Anna again.
“Anna says...” Josh paused, polishing vigorously at an already shining runner.
When he didn’t go on, Ben elbowed him. “Go ahead. What does Anna say?”
Josh rubbed even harder. “She says I should just tell you what I feel.”
What now? “Go ahead.” He braced himself.
“I guess Daad told you about his plans for the farm?”
“Ya, and it’s fine.” He hastened to assure him, hoping he sounded convincing. “You deserve it. I’m happy for you.”
“But that’s just it.” The words burst out of Josh. “I’m not happy. I don’t want it.” He clamped his lips shut and glanced around as if afraid someone had heard.
Ben felt a frown knotting his forehead. “But how can you not want a farm like this?”
“You say that because it’s your dream,” Josh said. “Just like it’s Daad’s. Nobody understands that I might want something different.”
Josh’s voice had risen, and Ben put his hand on the boy’s arm.
“Hey, it’s okay. Just tell me what you want.”
“What I always wanted. You know I always liked working with machines better than anything. I’m the one who fixed the generator when it stopped, remember? And I rebuilt that baler when everyone else gave up on it, too.”
He couldn’t help but be moved by the passion in Josh’s voice. “If you feel that way about it, won’t Daad understand?”
“I tried. He just doesn’t see. He thinks it’s fair that I have the farm, and he won’t change his mind.” Josh turned his face away, obviously not wanting anyone to see his emotion.
Here was something else to be laid to his account, it seemed. But what could he do? A look at his brother forced a decision. He had to make this right for Josh, somehow.
He grasped his brother by the shoulders and shook him gently. “Listen, we’ll work it out somehow. Let me think on it, okay? There must be a way.”
“Denke, Ben.” Josh’s expression lightened. “Anna said I should talk to you, and she was right. She always seems to understand.”
In other words, Anna had been trying to fill the gap he’d left in his little brother’s life. He wanted to resent it, but he couldn’t. Anna had paid him a compliment, in a way. She’d trusted he’d find a way to make this right for Josh. He just hoped her faith wasn’t mistaken.
Anna sliced through the dough on the cutting board, turning out the homemade noodle squares that Elizabeth would drop into her chicken potpie. They’d been able to come home early today, with few people venturing out into the snow.
Trying to keep her mind on Elizabeth’s voice wasn’t easy when her thoughts were completely absorbed by those moments with Ben out by the paddock the previous day. His laughing face as he’d spun her around had even intruded into her dreams. There, she’d been spinning faster and faster until she flew against him and his arms closed around her.
She had to stop this, now. Benjamin had been so frightened at the thought of marrying her that he’d left his whole world behind. It was hardly likely his feelings had changed now.
“I said, it’s a gut thing no one is due today or tomorrow,” Elizabeth said...or rather, repeated, since it was apparent that Anna hadn’t heard her before.
Focus, Anna ordered herself. “That’s certain sure. We don’t need any women in labor bouncing around trying to get here through the snow.”
Once the snow had decided to start, it hadn’t let up, and there was four inches at least on the ground. They’d have a quiet time of it until the roads were clear, and it always took some time for the township plows to arrive.
Anna rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand, trying not to touch anything with her floury fingers. Unless she wanted to go around in a constant state of confusion, she’d have to find a way to show Ben that she didn’t harbor any lingering feelings for him. Then they could be comfortable together, couldn’t they?
“Komm, Anna, tell me what has your forehead so tight? That’s the third time you’ve rubbed it in the past half hour.” Elizabeth stirred down the chicken broth that had come to a boil. “I know when you’re worried.”
But she’d never guess the cause of Anna’s worry, and Anna didn’t dare tell her. “Ach, it’s nothing. I was just thinking about Dora Beachy. I’m concerned that boppli might be arriving sooner than anyone expects.”
“Ya?” Elizabeth turned to her instantly. “Did you say anything to her?”
“I didn’t like to, since she’s really your patient. I did remind them that babies can arrive two weeks early or two weeks late and still be normal.”
Elizabeth nodded approval. “That was the smart thing to say. Of course, a first baby is more likely to be late than early.”
“I know.” But still, she was troubled. What if they didn’t send for help in time?
“Tell you what,” Elizabeth said, seeming to read her thoughts. “I’ll stop over next week and check on Dora. That will make everyone feel better, ain’t so?”
Anna let out a breath of relief. “I’d be so glad. Maybe I’m...”
Before she could finish the thought, they were interrupted by the soft sound of hooves on snow and the jingle of harness bells. Together they rushed to the back porch to find Josh and Benjamin grinning at them from the high seat of the sleigh. Ben held the lines, while Josh jiggled a strap of tiny bells.
“So that’s what you two boys have been up to all afternoon.” Elizabeth smiled fondly at her sons. “I should have known.”
“Get your coats on, you two. We’re going to take you for a ride.” Josh jumped down to hustle them along. “Hurry up. You first, Mamm.”
“Ach, I’m too old for such foolishness,” Elizabeth protested, but halfheartedly.
“Never,” Anna exclaimed, rushing to retrieve their coats and mittens.
Since the sleigh was a two-seater, Josh took his mother up beside him to the accompaniment of a string of warnings from his daad, who came out of the barn to join the fun. They went sliding off down the snow-covered lane, the snow muffling the sound of the horse’s hooves.
“Don’t