Katherine was aware of Nick’s sudden movement, swiftly suppressed, and saw from the arrested expression on the steward’s face that this was an subject not intended to be discussed in her presence. For a moment she was puzzled, then light dawned. Nick had paid Philip’s debts as well. She had left them behind in London, knowing she could never hope to pay them and feeling that, finally, her brother must acknowledge his own responsibilities. Nick must have taken them, brought them with him to Northumberland.
Why? she puzzled, ignoring Mr Wilkinson’s rapid change of subject. Then, with a wave of shame, she realised. Philip was Nick’s brother-in-law now; he must have decided that no connection of the Lydgates must be in a position to be publicly exposed for his debts.
She could say nothing here, not in front of the steward. Feeling sick, she forced her attention back to the conversation between the men.
‘… the Settlements,’ Mr Wilkinson was saying. ‘I have drawn up something based on the usual provisions—widowhood, remarriage, children and so forth. If you would care to scrutinise it, my lord, and make any notes of changes you wish made, I will have it notarised as soon as possible.’
Katherine opened her mouth, realised this was another argument it was impossible to have before an audience and shut it with a snap. Children! The thought of Nick’s children made her feel slightly dizzy. There was nothing, other than hearing him tell her he loved her, that she wanted more, she realised. And all she had to do was to stop protesting, give in and allow the marriage to stand.
Chapter Seventeen
‘And her ladyship’s allowance,’ Mr Wilkinson continued, unaware that one of his audience was fighting a battle with her conscience just the other side of his desk. ‘I have made arrangements with Coutt’s bank as you directed, my lord. I have a portion of the first quarter here, my lady, and I have put in a note with details of how you may draw on the balance at your convenience.’ He handed a fat packet to Katherine, who took it with an automatic murmur of thanks.
Conscience won. Katherine pushed the thought of children with Nick’s eyes out of her mind with a pang and thought about the money instead. Another debt. Her instinct was to hand it back to Nick the moment they were alone. Common sense told her that she must pay Jenny and John and that was more important than her pride. She must buy some clothes for the time she was here, for she could not fail to present a seemly appearance in a ducal household. And when she left she must leave vails for the servants. None of this common sense made the slightest difference to the way she was feeling. Katherine realised she was angry, but who with—herself, Philip or Nick—she could not analyse.
Finally Nick was standing, thanking the steward again, holding the door for her. Katherine said all that was proper, managed a pleasant smile and swept out into the passage. The moment the door closed behind them she rounded on Nick.
‘You have paid Phil’s debts! How could you do such a thing?’ Her voice broke and she fought to get a grip on her feelings. ‘And a settlement! The marriage is going to be annulled—why is there a settlement?’
‘We cannot speak out here.’ Nick took her arm and guided her through a door into an empty room, which appeared to be part of the estate office, for stacks of dusty ledgers stood on the tables and shelves of dockets and bundles of papers lined the walls.
‘I had not intended telling you about your brother’s debts yet,’ he admitted.
‘Indeed?’ Katherine managed to instil a certain icy quality into her voice. ‘Did you ever intend telling me?’ He opened his mouth to speak and she swept on, ‘I know why you feel you must pay them, of course: the embarrassment of a debtor as a brother-in-law. Please do not think I do not understand. Do you think I am not as ashamed of it as you, to know that I risk bringing scandal to a household such as this?’ Her anger began to fail her and her voice shook. ‘I think that perhaps I could have borne anything, even his deceit over the loan, better than the humiliation of this.’
Nick stared at her, his face appalled. ‘Kat, never say that. Sweetheart …’ Then she was held against his chest and he was stroking her hair. ‘Kat, think. He does not know who you married—no one in London knows my true identity. I have no need to protect the family against the small scandal he might evoke, even when the connection is known. For goodness’ sake, Cousin Hereward has been in debtors’ prison three times, my great-uncle believes himself to be the Tsar of all the Russias, and I have earned my bread playing cards and taken the King’s shilling as an outcast. And that is just a sample of our family scandals. Your brother’s foolishness is nothing against that.’
It was seductively pleasant to be held by strong arms against a broad chest and to be reassured. Katherine tried to tell herself that under the circumstances anyone offering comfort would be welcome but she could not deceive herself. This was the man she loved holding her, resting his cheek against her hair, gently stroking the nape of her neck. All she wanted was to turn up her face to his, to kiss and be kissed.
Resolutely she disentangled herself from his arms and moved away. ‘What is a scandal in a family of lower degree is merely eccentricity in a ducal household, I understand that,’ she pointed out. ‘But I feel so ashamed.’
‘But why? To be angry and disappointed with him, that I can understand, but to be ashamed?’
‘I am his elder sister,’ Katherine said helplessly, recalling the hours she had spent agonising over how to help Philip break away from his self-indulgence, make him face up to reality and his obligations. ‘I should have been able to influence him for good.’
‘Impossible,’ Nick said firmly. ‘Nothing you could have said or done would have helped. An elder brother might have been able to steer him right.’ He stopped abruptly and Katherine saw his eyes darken. ‘I should have been here for Robert; it is my good fortune that he has a goodness of character I never had.’
Arguing against that was not going to help, Katherine saw quite clearly. Nick was going to have to deal with his guilt at staying away so long in his own way. ‘He had your father,’ she said encouragingly.
‘Er, yes.’ Nick grinned. ‘Fortunately Robert appears to have exhibited none of the tendencies that would cause our father to deal with him as he did me.’
‘Do you mind very much?’ she asked, distracted from her own preoccupations.
‘No, if you mean do I resent it. I was hot at hand, thoroughly wild, thought I was in love—which, coming on top of a fairly convincing showing as a rakehell, must have seemed highly improbable. Father, not unreasonably, put his foot down and I was in no mood to accept it.’ He shrugged. ‘It was an interesting six years. Now, shall we go riding?’
‘Not until you explain these settlements,’ Katherine said firmly, planting herself between Nick and the door.
‘Well, Wilkinson will explain them better than I—’
‘I do not mean that and you know it, Nick! Why have you settled anything on me when we are getting the marriage annulled?’
‘We are doing no such thing. You may be if I cannot persuade you otherwise. And what would happen if I fell off my horse and broke my neck?’
‘Exactly what would have happened if you had fallen off a scaffold and broken it,’ Katherine said crisply. ‘I will go and earn my own way in the world.’ She regarded his rueful expression and fought against letting her feelings show on her face. ‘But I suppose I need the pin money at the moment, so I will simply add the allowance to the amount I already owe you.’
She expected a fight the moment she mentioned repayment, but her infuriating husband merely nodded amiably and reached round her to open the door. ‘I think, if you come with me, you will find that your new bedchamber is ready and that you will be able to change so we can have your first