“I’m listening.”
“Scripture tells us we must forgive or Gott will not forgive us. It’s hard, but if He said I must, then I will... I have. Yet at times, like when I look at Leah and see your features, it floods back into my memory that you tossed me aside for April.” Her voice quaked.
“May.” Thad started to speak, but she held up a hand.
“You said you loved me. I’m not sure about that, but maybe so. We were always the best of friends. Back then, did we even know what liebe was? But if you had truly loved me, you wouldn’t have married my sister. You’d have married me.”
Discomfort lined his face.
“I’ll try to make you a gut frau. It might take some time, but maybe after a while, I’ll be able to put the past behind us and move on. But I can’t promise that on some days it won’t surface. If this doesn’t work for you, I’ll leave tomorrow.”
“Nein, I want you for my frau, and I will do everything in my power to make you forget the past.” He unclasped his hands on the table and reached his right hand across to her. She slowly put her hand in his. He clasped his fingers around hers and squeezed, then she squeezed. “The bargain is sealed.”
Her cheeks burned and her heart nearly stuttered to a stop.
“We’ll be married in two weeks and have the service here on the farm.” His eyes held hers captive for several seconds before letting go.
He pulled his hand slowly away from hers as he stood, and a lonely feeling gripped her as he walked away.
She brought her hand to her face, curled her fingers and braced the knuckles against her chin as her elbow rested on the table. May took a deep breath and could smell the lingering scent of soiled straw.
The next day, May called her sister, aents and close friends to tell them her big news. Sadie insisted everyone come to her farm for the planning.
The following day dawned with a brilliant sun to chase away her cloudy mood. Fear started to shimmy up her spine. Had she made the right decision? She could still buy a train ticket. Nein, she shook his hand. She’d made a bargain.
She forced those thoughts from her head and hitched Gumdrop, her favorite horse, to her buggy and headed to her sister Sadie’s farm to plan the wedding. The clip-clop of Gumdrop’s hooves had a calming effect. She watched the yards of daffodils and roses go by, the birds sitting on the fence chirping take flight, and the occasional motor vehicle zip past.
She guided Gumdrop up the drive and passed the toolshed. John, Sadie’s ehemann, greeted her with a wave. “Mornin’.”
“Hullo, May. Congratulations. Sadie is excited and started planning without you so you better hurry on in.”
“Danki, John. That’s what big sisters are for.” She laughed as she ran to the haus.
Sadie flung open the door. “Ach, May, I can’t believe you and Thad are getting married. I had no idea you two were back together. That’s so wunderbaar.”
Her aents and cousins from her daed’s side were there and took over the planning while May worked on her wedding dress. It would have been nice if Aent Edna could have made it, and her other relatives from Indiana, but it was too short notice to make travel plans. And some of her cousins didn’t have the extra money for such things.
She held up her dress. It was the same material as her Sunday dress, only this one was in her favorite shade of blue. A sense of hope seemed to cling to the cloth as she laid it down and ran her hand down the bodice. A string of emotions wheezed through her one right after the other. Regret, turned to excitement, then slid into nervousness. Moisture gathered and clogged her throat. Mamm, I wish you could have been here to see me married. At the sound of shuffling feet, she cleared her throat and fluttered her eyelids to bat away the extra moisture.
“May, congratulations.” Aent Matilda whirled into the room with her tochter Josephine close behind. “We are so happy for you.”
“Danki for coming, and Josie, danki for being one of my attendants.”
“Cousin, I’m thrilled you asked me. I’m so excited for you.” Josie knelt on the floor beside May’s chair and squeezed her hand. “This is so wunderbaar, and now Leah will have a real mamm.”
Matilda flounced into a chair next to May. “Jah, and Josie and I will organize your kitchen help and see that all the food is prepared on time. Your wedding will be a very special day, indeed.”
Matilda gave May a one-armed hug and shared what May’s mamm and daed’s wedding day was like. The day flowed with joy and excitement, and Matilda remembered the stars in both her parents’ eyes. “Jah, now we must go and help plan and prepare and you must finish your dress.” She patted May’s hand as she stood.
The air stilled after Matilda and Josie swished through the room like a broom, and May stared at her wedding dress and the stitch she just made. Her hands shook as she stuck the needle in the hem of the dress. It was really happening. She was going to marry Thad. Her heart beat fast and hard, but she wasn’t quite sure why. It was only a marriage of convenience. Nein. A marriage bargain. Nothing more.
Before she’d left the farm, Thad had given the youngies instructions to clean the yard and barnyard, and when they finished with that, they were to start plucking the chickens for the wedding dinner. The women were planning to serve baked chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, creamy celery casserole, coleslaw, pies, donuts, pudding and several cakes, which included two special ones that her friend Sarah and her sixteen-year-old tochter Mary would make.
When she got home from Sadie’s, it was non-stop work of washing walls, floors, fixtures, dusting from top to bottom, borrowing dishes and silverware, and planning the seating to feed one hundred guests. Although Matilda had organized and delegated a job to each of her cousins, May still insisted on helping. Most Amish weddings would have as many as three to four hundred guests. When an average Amish family was nine people, it didn’t take long to fill the guest book. Aent Matilda and Josie were in charge of organizing the kitchen and cooks and May knew not to interfere.
Since Thad’s farm had belonged to her parents, it made sense for her wedding to take place there.
On the eve of her wedding, May twirled around in her room like it was the last time she’d ever see it. Of course it wasn’t, but why was that feeling stirring in her stomach? She stopped moving and blotted a tear that had collected in the corner of her eye. She glanced out the window and toward heaven. How she wished Mamm and Daed could be here with her right now. But if they were, what would they truly think about her marrying Thad? Would Daed have given his blessing?
May woke early and bolted upright in bed. Ach, it’s my wedding day! A shiver of fear swept over her. Had she made the right decision? It wasn’t too late; she could change her mind.
Nein, she’d given her word.
She jumped out of bed and slipped into her wedding dress. The noise from downstairs with Matilda and her helpers preparing food for the noon wedding meal seeped through the floor.
May took special care with her hair, pinning it back and into a bun as her mamm had taught her when she was young. She carefully placed her new prayer kapp in just the exact place. This would be the only time she’d wear these clothes, then she’d pack them away for her funeral.
May smoothed her skirt and slipped her apron over it. The Englisch liked to wear