“You don’t know that. You’re facing a lot of obstacles right now, but you have your brains and your experience. You can always find a job. This might be the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Shelby gritted her teeth against the idea. “How could losing my career be a good thing?” Her grandmother stiffened, and Shelby realized how belligerent and disrespectful she’d sounded. “I’m sorry, Gramma. But I don’t want to lose my job. It’s important to me.”
“Better your job than your life.” Gramma stared down at her. “Seems to me, you’ve forgotten who to turn to when you’re lost.”
Shelby sank back down onto the wooden chair and tried to swallow her irritation. She wasn’t surprised by her Gramma’s comments. Her grandfather had been a minister. “Church talk” had been commonplace here. There had been a time when she had embraced her faith, depended upon it, but after she’d left Dover she’d drifted away. She’d channeled all her energy into school and then her career. Along the way she’d lost her connection to her faith.
Gramma patted her hand and slid the cookie plate toward her. “Enjoy your cookies. Today is your homecoming celebration. Tomorrow we’ll face the changes you have to make.”
Shelby nodded, feeling the fear and anger ease a bit. She had resisted coming back to Dover, but now she knew it had been the right decision. A few days here under Gramma’s loving care would ease anyone’s stress. A new hope blossomed in her heart. She had six weeks in which to accomplish her goals. First, get a handle on her health. Second, avoid Matt Durrant at all costs. That shouldn’t be too difficult. She’d have no reason to go to his hardware store, and he lived on the opposite side of town. And maybe, if she could relax quickly enough, she could cut her leave in half and get back to work sooner, and that would decrease her odds of running into Matt.
Matthias Durrant. The only man she’d ever loved. They’d promised to love each other forever, to be together always, but it hadn’t worked out that way. Matt had changed the plan, and she’d been terrified of losing her dream.
She’d never regretted her decision. So why did she find herself wondering what her life would have been like if she’d stayed here with him? Followed his dream instead of her own? There was no point in thinking about it. The door to the past was closed forever and couldn’t be reopened.
* * *
Matt Durrant rested his wrists on the steering wheel of the old battered van, smiling as his passenger opened the door and got out. “Thanks for your help today, Carl.”
The man nodded and raised a hand. “My pleasure. That roof should have been repaired months ago. We need more volunteers.”
“Amen to that.”
“Thanks for dropping me off at the house.” Carl smiled. “It saved Nancy a trip to pick me up.”
“No problem.” Matt watched as his friend walked up the drive toward his house. The front door opened and his wife, Nancy, walked out to meet him, wrapping him in that special kind of hug only a wife could give. Matt looked away, ignoring the sudden ache in the center of his chest, and put the car in gear.
But the image replayed in his mind as he drove the Handy Works van toward his home on the opposite side of town. He’d once had that kind of love. Until three years ago, when cancer had taken his Katie away. He called up a memory, looking for the comfort that normally soothed his wounded soul, but it didn’t come. Instead he found a gray void.
For the first time he longed for a real moment, not a vision of what had been. His memories had sustained him, kept him afloat, but lately it had been harder and harder to find solace in the past. Seeing Carl and Nancy just now had cracked the protective wall around his heart, exposing his vulnerability. Loneliness.
He’d been lonely every second since Katie had died, but this was different. This was more like a yearning, a hunger for something more. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly. His heart would always be missing the piece that Katie had filled. That first year he’d struggled to manage his grief against that of his children, trying to find a balance between keeping Katie’s memory alive and not being crushed under the memory of her illness and death. The decision to leave Atlanta and move home to Dover had been another upheaval in their lives that couldn’t be avoided. The pressures of his job had stolen precious time from his children. And they were his primary concern now.
Katie had begged him to not stop living after she was gone. She’d wanted him to find love and happiness again, but the thought had been abhorrent to him. He had no desire to risk his heart or his children’s on that kind of loss again. None of them could survive it a second time. It’s why he’d made the decision to come home. He wanted to raise his children near their grandparents, in a town where family values were still cherished.
Matt turned the corner onto Willow Street. Envy. That’s what had stirred up those old emotions. He was envious of Carl and Nancy’s normal life. But he knew he had so much to be thankful for. Two amazing kids, a family that loved and supported him, a job that allowed him to be home a good bit—the van hit a pothole and every bolt rattled and shook. He smiled. And a ministry that helped the community and allowed him to help others. Handy Works had been his sister’s brainchild. A mobile neighborhood help program, manned by volunteers who would donate their time and talents to making repairs and cleanup for those in need. He and his friend Carl Young had taken advantage of a rare afternoon free from teaching classes at Wells Community College to devote time to repairing the roof of an elderly man who lived at the edge of town.
Inhaling a deep breath, he reminded himself of his abundant blessings. Too many to count. This sudden feeling of loneliness would pass. Katie was the only woman he’d ever loved. No. There had been one other woman. A long time ago. But she’d abandoned him.
Matt flipped the blinker to turn into his driveway. Funny. Katie abandoned him through death; the other woman had abandoned him by choice. Maybe he was destined to be alone. Losing Katie had shredded his soul. He would never, ever love again. The risk was too great.
* * *
Shelby felt like a new person. Almost. Gramma had settled her into her old room on the east side of the house. The wide bay window faced the twin house next door but also afforded a view of the woods out back. This room hadn’t changed either. The same white curtains graced the window; the lavender bedspread was more faded but still thick and soft. And at the edge of the window sat her favorite chair, the green-and-white shell back with a tufted ottoman to prop your feet on. For the first time in years, Shelby knew a sense of belonging.
But it was temporary. Only until she could get back on her feet physically. She tried not to think about what effect heart disease might have on her future job search. Would anyone hire her with a preexisting condition? Removing her laptop from its case, she scooped up her smart phone from the nightstand and headed downstairs. She’d worry about that later.
Gramma was looking through cabinets when Shelby stepped into the kitchen. She turned and frowned at the devices in Shelby’s hands. “What are you going to do with those?”
“I have a few loose ends to tie up at work. I’m still employed for the moment, and the magazine has to go on. Medical leave or not.” Truth was, there was little she could do. Everything was on hold, but it helped to keep busy. It made her feel like she was doing something.
Ellen planted her fists on her hips and pursed her lips. “You’re supposed to be relaxing, and if you have any sense at all, you’ll follow orders. You’ll unplug yourself from those things and you’ll rest, eat right and get some exercise.”
She acknowledged the necessity of following the doctor’s advice, but Tween Scene was her baby, and she’d spent every ounce of her time and energy over the years making it successful. To suddenly turn her back and walk away when its future was in doubt seemed irresponsible. Besides, what was she supposed to do with her time? Sit in the rocker and crochet?
“I’m not good