“Thanks.” After wiping her mouth and hands, she stood up. “I’ll leave you be now.”
Her bare feet rustled through the grass as she walked away from the pond. She was a few yards away when he heard himself call out her name.
She turned, and a shaft of late sunlight hit her like a spotlight. If he were superstitious, he’d think someone was trying to tell him something. He shook off the weird feeling and went on. “You mind hanging out awhile longer?”
She took a step toward him and stopped. “You’re sure?”
“Yeah.”
She hadn’t pushed him to talk, hadn’t tried to be entertaining or lift his spirits. She’d just let him sit there and stare at the water. It made him wonder if somehow she understood how he felt.
When she sat back down, he realized it was getting cool and her pretty blouse wasn’t much for warmth. He pulled off his jacket and draped it across her shoulders.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” Sighing, he stared at the house he’d avoided like the plague for so many years. “I wish I could’ve said goodbye.”
“You’re not just talking about Ethan, are you?”
Her perceptiveness was unnerving, to say the least. Avoiding her eyes, he stayed fixed on the house and shook his head. Then, for some insane reason, instead of leaving it there he started to explain.
“When I was ten, our mom got real sick. I didn’t know it then, but she had leukemia. She went to the hospital and didn’t come home. We had supper with her one night and the next morning she was gone. I never got to say goodbye.”
Caty put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. He hated it when women tried to baby him, but for some reason her gentle touch didn’t bother him.
“That’s so sad. You must have missed her so much.”
“Marianne was seven, but John and Lisa were too young to understand. Lisa doesn’t even remember her.” His voice broke, and he cleared his throat. Even after all these years, talking about it was almost impossible.
Folding his hands in an effort to control his emotions, he stared down at them. “After she died, everything changed.”
He expected Caty to jump in and finish his thought, maybe fill in the blanks for him, but she didn’t. To his surprise, her patient silence actually made him want to keep talking. Hands clamped into helpless fists, he lifted his head and met those bright green eyes.
“The older I got, the harder it was to be here. I left Harland the day after graduation. Dad said he hated to see me go, but he understood. No matter what I did, he always said he understood, but I’m not sure he meant it.”
Matt had never shared that with anyone, and he had no idea why he’d picked now to bare his soul. Too tired, he figured, to keep his mouth shut.
“He loved you,” Caty said, rubbing his shoulder. “He wanted you to be happy. If that meant leaving home, he was okay with it.”
Matt wasn’t so sure about that, but he didn’t have the energy to argue with her. From leading his careless lifestyle to ignoring his family, he knew he’d disappointed his father too many times to count. Now it was too late to fix what he’d broken.
Tears stung his eyes, and he held them back with the heels of his hands. Caty put an arm partway around his shoulders, and he felt himself leaning into her. He didn’t know why, but just having her there made him feel slightly less miserable. The warmth of her went beyond the physical, drawing him in. When he realized he wasn’t fighting it, he knew he’d gotten way too close to this sweet, understanding stranger.
Angry with himself for losing his grip, he pulled away and got to his feet. “I don’t know why I told you all that.”
“Told me what?” she responded lightly. “We’re just out here getting some fresh air.”
Her smile promised she’d keep his emotional meltdown to herself, and he managed a halfhearted smile of his own. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
He went a few steps, then turned back. “You introduced yourself as Caitlin, but everyone calls you Caty. Which do you like better?”
She shrugged. “Whichever. I’m not picky.”
After studying her for a few seconds, he decided, “I like Caty. Suits you better.”
* * *
Matt turned and headed for the house, leaving Caty there, wondering what on earth had just happened. While she’d also lost her own mother at a young age, hers had simply vanished from her life. Lost in an accident with a coworker who’d had a few too many drinks after work. Caty couldn’t imagine how difficult it would be for a child to watch a parent wither away from illness. Matt had been old enough to know what was happening but too young to accept that she was gone.
Always missing her, wishing she could come back. Tears welled in Caty’s eyes as she pictured that little boy growing into a young man, bitter and furious, desperate to leave those painful memories behind. But Ethan had still been there, along with John and the girls. The pull of the farm fought with Matt’s need to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
Judging by Marianne’s coolness toward him, his solution had only created more problems for his family. Over the years, he’d probably decided it was easier to stay away than come home and face the music. Unfortunately, it had kept him from being there when they needed him, and he could never change that.
Guilt is a terrible burden to carry around, no matter how strong you are.
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