Sarah gazed across at her dearest friend in dawning wonder. ‘You—you’ve been in love, Em? You’ve never said anything before.’
‘It isn’t something I care to think about too often, let alone talk about,’ she admitted. ‘Even after several years I still find it painful.’
Sarah frowned. ‘You must have been very young.’
‘I was. But then I’d loved Sebastian Hawkridge all my life. I simply adored him when I was a child, used to follow him about everywhere. He was our nearest neighbour, and my mother’s godson.’
‘What happened?’ Sarah asked gently, and for a moment thought she was destined to learn nothing further.
But then Emily said, ‘As you know, when I was fifteen my mother insisted that I spend a year at that seminary in Bath. At the time, I assumed she did so because I was something of a tomboy, behaving in a less than commendable fashion on occasions. I realise now of course that the real reason was because she knew she was dying. During my visits home, she succeeded in concealing her illness remarkably well, but when I returned permanently, after the year at school, I realised just how ill she was. She didn’t wish me to come and live here. She had always been very fond of her father-in-law, but considered him totally unsuitable to look after a sixteen-year-old girl. But she judged Sebastian, almost nine years my senior, more than capable. What she didn’t know, and I discovered quite by chance, only a matter of a few months before she died, was that Seb was in love with someone else. Even so, he willingly agreed to marry me. The engagement was strictly private, and known to very few, and the wedding had been arranged for late August. But my mother’s death, quite naturally, changed everything.’
Although she had spoken without betraying any of the searing hurt which even now could well up at a moment’s notice, Emily was unable to suppress a heartfelt sigh. ‘I went to see my betrothed, a week after my mother’s funeral, and told him I couldn’t go through with the wedding, that I had only agreed to marry him because my mother had been so set on the idea. I said that I thought I was too young to know my own mind, and that I would much prefer to live with my grandfather than marry.’
‘And the gentleman in question believed you?’
‘Oh, yes—he believed me. And I haven’t set eyes on him since the day he came to see me off in my grandfather’s carriage, although he continues to write to me from time to time.’
‘Oh, Em. I’m so sorry.’ No one could have doubted Sarah’s sympathy. ‘I had no idea. And did your former fiancé marry the woman he loved?’
‘Sadly, no. And I have often speculated on why not. Perhaps he considered, as she was engaged by that time, that it was too late to offer himself as a candidate for her hand, and things were better left as they were. She married a certain Baronet a few weeks after I came to live with Grandfather. I had thought that Sebastian might meet another young woman who would capture his interest, but seemingly he has not. In fact since coming into his title he appears, if what the gossip columns contain is true, to have acquired rather rakish habits.’ She gave a shout of laughter. ‘What a lucky escape I had!’
Sarah frowned. ‘But if he hasn’t met anyone else, Emily, perhaps he still retains a sincere regard for you.’
‘Oh, I’m sure he does. If we had married, I’m certain too we’d have rubbed along together quite wonderfully well. Unfortunately I was, and still am for that matter, far too proud to figure as second-best in any man’s life, merely a substitute for what he really wanted.’
Emily waved a hand in a dismissive gesture. ‘I have yet to meet anyone who could take Sebastian’s place in my heart and I doubt I ever shall. My case is hopeless, I fear. But yours isn’t.’ Eyes which had been dimmed by sadness and bitter regrets were unexpectedly brightened by a hint of mischief. ‘Charles, I honestly suspect, cares more deeply for you than he realises. All you need to do is be patient and wait. I’m certain eventually he will come to appreciate the depths of his own feelings.’
‘I’m afraid my case too is hopeless. I know Charles is very fond of me, but I have little to offer him.’
‘You underrate yourself,’ Emily countered. ‘What’s more, you and Charles are perfectly suited. You are both easygoing souls, happy to live a quiet country life. All Charles really wants is a comfortable home which is run efficiently. And who better to fill his needs than you? After all, you’ve been doing precisely that since you went to live at Deverel Hall.’
Sarah smiled wanly. ‘I know I could make him happy, if only…’
‘Don’t abandon hope,’ Emily warned gently. ‘It will create a void that nothing can fill. Believe me, I know.’
Although Emily and Sarah were blissfully unaware of the fact, the subjects under discussion were only a few miles from Deverel Hall. The journey from the capital had been made in record time, and in immense comfort, owing to the fact that they had travelled in the well-sprung travelling carriage belonging to Lord Hawkridge.
‘I must say, Seb,’ Charles Deverel remarked, drawing his gaze away from the pleasing sight of very familiar landscape flashing past the window, ‘I’m glad we consigned our valets and baggage to my carriage and made the trip in yours. This is a superb turnout you have here. Never had such a comfortable journey in my life!’
‘It is merely one of the benefits of becoming the head of the family, dear boy, as you very well know,’ was the languid response.
Charles regarded his friend in silence. Like most of Lord Hawkridge’s close friends, he knew that Sebastian had been entirely contented living the comfortable life of a wealthy country gentleman in the fine property his father had left him in Hampshire, where he had been happy to indulge his passion for outdoor pursuits. Which made his drastically altered lifestyle in recent years somewhat hard to comprehend.
From what Charles understood, his friend now seemed to spend most of his time in the capital, accepting invitations to a seemingly endless round of parties, balls and soirées, and indulging in various dalliances with a number of society beauties, as well as enjoying more intimate relationships with several notorious Cyprians. On the surface it appeared that he had changed out of all recognition, but Charles couldn’t help thinking that deep down he was still the same solid, reliable and trustworthy fellow he had known during those years at Oxford.
‘I must say, Seb, I was rather surprised that you changed your mind and decided to honour our little affair down here with your presence. It won’t be one of those spectacularly lavish and fashionable parties you’ve grown accustomed to attending in recent years—just a small, informal do with a few close friends and neighbours.’
Lord Hawkridge held his friend’s slightly troubled gaze levelly. ‘Do you imagine I’ve grown so high in the instep that I think myself above attending a country party?’
‘Not a bit of it!’ Charles hurriedly assured him. ‘Fact of the matter is I’m surprised that you seem to spend most of your time in the capital these days.’
‘And that is precisely why I decided it was time for a change.’
Once again Charles regarded his companion in silence, before saying, ‘You never wished for the title did you, old fellow? In my case it was different, of course. I was raised for the express purpose of stepping into my sire’s boots when the time came.’
Lord Hawkridge reached into the pocket of his immaculate jacket, which clearly betrayed the hand of a master tailor, and drew out a snuffbox. ‘No,’ he admitted, after sampling its contents. ‘Both of my cousins losing their lives in that boating accident came as a shock. But as I was next in line I was given little choice in the matter. During the past few years I’ve grown accustomed to losing those whom I hold most dear. That is why I now live life to the full. One never knows just when the Grim Reaper might come knocking on one’s door. He can be quite indiscriminate and appears to choose those who are most undeserving to have their lives cut short.’
Charles wasn’t slow