OK, so maybe he’d hung around a little longer than he’d needed to after the seminar had ended, and walked a few more halls than was necessary. But to ask her to come and work with him in Fort Dyott? He hadn’t meant to. The words had simply come out of him and it was like he’d been standing on the other side of the elevator listening to himself make a terrible mistake, unable to do anything about it. He liked Jenna, respected her abilities, but bringing her in would only complicate his already complicated mess of a life, and Jenna didn’t always make things easy.
For five months now he’d done nothing but protect Max from all the whispers and speculation, making sure that nothing bad touched his world again. It wasn’t easy helping a little boy recover from the death of his mother, but that’s just what he’d been doing, almost to the exclusion of everything else, including his medical practice, which he’d put on a parttime basis until he could figure out what came next. It was difficult, but he was dealing with it, and adding Jenna to the equation right now just wasn’t a good idea because her complications would compound his. Truthfully, for the amount of work he had to offer, any other nurse or medical assistant would have been just fine. Jenna, though, was distracting, and Max still needed every bit of attention Dermott could give him. Undivided attention.
Max…curly blond hair, blue eyes with so much mischief in them. Damn, he loved his son. Max was the only good thing that had happened in his miserable six-year marriage, and it was truly amazing the way one totally unassuming little life had changed him in so many ways. But that’s what had happened, and the only right thing to do in his situation was to protect his son. So, if Jenna worked out, that was good. A nurse like Jenna could help him get his medical practice back on track eventually, and that’s what he really wanted to do when the time was right. Bar none, she was the best nurse he’d ever known and his remaining patients would love her. And if she didn’t fit in…well, he couldn’t imagine Jenna Lawson not fitting in anywhere.
That was, if she wanted to fit in. Jenna did have that disposition for not staying in any one place too long.
But if he kept his relationship professional with her this time, it could work out. And he had to keep it professional considering anything else would touch Max, which was something he would not allow. It wasn’t like Jenna would ever hurt his son, because she wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose. She was the type who would, after a good hard rain, pick up an earthworm stranded on a sidewalk and put it back in the dirt. Max was vulnerable though…vulnerable to things Dermott didn’t yet know or understand, and he had to be careful where Jenna was concerned because Jenna was so easy to become attached to. He knew that better than most. He also knew that she ran away, and that’s what scared him about hiring her. If Max became too attached, and Jenna left…
No! He wouldn’t let Max near that kind of pain. That’s all there was to it. Being pragmatic about it, if he could be pragmatic about anything to do with Jenna, he would have to maintain a certain distance from her.
Of course, hadn’t he vowed that once before?
Shutting his eyes, not sure whether to kick himself over his rash decision or give himself a congratulatory pat on the back, Dermott conjured up an image of the woman who had once come so close to being the love of his life. Honey blonde, shoulder-length hair, green eyes, a figure that made a man look twice or, in his case, a lot more than twice…
For his office she was the perfect choice, but in his life? Sure, he could tell himself that he just couldn’t resist being around her again after so many years because, in part, that was the truth. Jenna was like unfinished business in a way. They’d been intense. Fast. So close to falling in love. Then nothing. The energy had been so strong, so addictive, and he needed that again. Of course, she could have changed. Settled down. People did. Just look at him, sitting here, having lunch with Max, with peanut butter smeared on his shirt. Who’d have ever thought this is what would make him happiest in the world, especially hating peanut butter the way he did?
But it did because he’d found something worth changing for.
Had Jenna?
For her sake, he hoped she had. For his sake, though, he almost hoped she hadn’t. Not too much, anyway.
“Where’s she living?” the five-year-old asked. Grinning from ear to ear, with grape jelly all over that grin, he clutched a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other, holding more tightly to the cookie.
“Upstairs. In the empty apartment.” The one with absolutely no accommodations, and she was due here some time tomorrow.
Max scrunched up his nose. “It has spiders. Does the lady like spiders?”
“Probably not. So we’ll have to get rid of them, won’t we?” Dermott took a bite of his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Noon lunch with his boy had become the tradition, either here or at Frank and Irene’s house, where Max spent his days. Barring any emergencies, he never broke the lunch date because it was one of the things he loved most about his life. “And we’ll also have to give her some of the old furniture I put in Grandpa’s barn after…” He stopped. It had been nearly five months now, and no one spoke of Nancy’s death in front of Max. No exceptions. And someday, if and when Max asked about her, Dermott would deal with it then, doling out the truths as Max was able to deal with them.
So far, Max hadn’t asked. Dermott was grateful for that, since his inquisitive little boy asked about everything else. “After the two of us moved in here. Grandpa said he’d help us do that later today, so I’ll be counting on you to be in charge of getting that furniture put in the right place.”
A deep frown popped up between Max’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything.
“What’s that about?” Dermott asked, fighting to hold in a laugh. He knew that expression. Max was wrestling with a big decision.
“Grandma wants me to go with her for ice cream later on. She says it’s very important, and I don’t think she likes to go there alone.”
“Very important?”
Max nodded solemnly. His frown deepened.
“Well, if it’s very important, then you’d better go with her, don’t you think so? Especially since Grandma doesn’t like going alone.”
A big grin broke out on Max’s face and his eyes fairly twinkled. “I think so, big guy,” he said, giving his dad the thumbs-up sign. Only Max’s thumb was covered with grape jelly, which he spotted and licked right off.
Nancy had given him a beautiful child, and he owed her thanks for that. But for nothing else, because after she’d delivered Max into the world, she’d proceeded to make his own world a living hell. “Look, I think you need to go wash up and get ready to go back to Grandma’s for the afternoon. Grandpa will be by to get you in a few minutes.”
“Can’t I stay with you, big guy? I won’t get in the way if somebody comes in. Promise.”
The truth was, he probably could. There weren’t very many appointments scheduled. By design. Life had been tough for a while, and the people in Fort Dyott knew that his preference was to stay closer to his son these days. They respected it, and helped him do just that by seeking medical care in the Muledeer Clinic, which was in the next closest town to Fort Dyott. He knew, too, that so many people found that facing him was difficult, and painful, and that it was easier keeping a respectful distance for a while. However it was with them, they were good people. Nancy had been so beloved here that they’d overlooked her visible changes because that’s just how they were and he knew there had to be guilty feelings. So he understood the avoidance issues some of them dealt with, and tried to let people know he held no hard feelings. With a few exceptions, it would all work itself out eventually. He was sure of it. “You know the deal. When I work, you stay with Grandma and Grandpa. But how about