He lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. ‘I don’t believe in it.’
She knew where he was coming from. She didn’t believe in love any more, either. She’d loved Gary, but it hadn’t been enough to make their marriage work. Though at the same time, marriage without love seemed…wrong, somehow. ‘All three of your sisters are married,’ she remarked. ‘And if they weren’t happy and in love with their husbands—’
‘I’d take their husbands apart,’ he admitted. ‘Very slowly. And remove their hearts with a rusty spoon.’
Although Alex rolled his Rs and his eyes, she wasn’t sure that he was being entirely dramatic.
‘But it’s different for the girls.’
Sexism? From Alex? Now that she hadn’t expected. ‘Since when did you turn into a chauvinist?’
He frowned. ‘I’m not. It’s got nothing to do with gender. Just that…’ he lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug ‘…I’m not like them.’
‘So this marriage business—you’re looking for someone you like, someone who shares your interests, and who’s not going to tie you down.’
‘I’m not planning to have a string of girlfriends or be unfaithful to my wife, if that’s what you’re asking.’
Alex dated a lot. Which meant he had a lot of sex. If he was giving that up…did that mean he was planning to have sex only with his wife?
With her?
Oh, Lord.
The last twelve years suddenly unravelled, back to when she’d been eighteen and Alex had kissed her. Just once. But what a ‘once’ it had been. He’d actually taken her breath away. For one mad moment she’d thought that Alex had noticed her—that instead of seeing her as just his little sister’s best friend, the girl he’d known for years, he’d seen her as a soul mate. Someone who shared his interests. Someone he was attracted to. And then she’d realised he was being kind. Showing her that just because her rat of a boyfriend had dumped her, it didn’t mean that she’d never be kissed again.
He’d even said as much. Said that she’d soon find someone else. Added that she had a whole world to conquer.
That kiss hadn’t meant the same thing to him as it had to her. And Isobel was pretty sure things hadn’t changed since then. Alex saw her as a friend—a close friend, but just as a friend.
So no way would this marriage work.
She couldn’t do it.
She’d already ended up in one loveless marriage, and she really couldn’t face starting another on the same basis. She dragged in a breath. ‘I’m sorry, Alex. I can’t marry you.’
CHAPTER TWO
ALEX schooled his features into neutral. ‘Why not?’
‘Because it’s wrong to get married without loving each other.’
He flapped a dismissive hand. ‘Of course I love you, Bel.’
‘But not in that way, Alex. And I’m not putting myself through that again.’
Alex stared at her. ‘Hang on. Are you telling me Gary didn’t love you? That he was unfaithful to you?’
She shook her head. ‘He didn’t break his marriage vows, no. Let’s just leave it that our marriage turned into a mess.’
She looked uncomfortable, and Alex knew Isobel wasn’t telling him the whole story—but he also knew not to push her. She’d talk to him when she was ready. She always had.
‘Though it didn’t take him very long to find someone else.’ Isobel dragged in a breath. ‘His new partner’s just had their first baby.’
That had clearly hurt her. He’d never asked Isobel why she’d split up with Gary—because it wasn’t any of his business and he didn’t want to rake open any painful wounds—but he’d always supposed that Gary had wanted a baby and she hadn’t been prepared to make any compromises with the career she loved.
So had his guess been completely wrong? Was Isobel the one who’d wanted children?
No, of course not. She adored Saskia’s daughter, Flora— her god-daughter and Alex’s niece—but Alex had always assumed that it went with the territory of being Saskia’s best friend. Isobel liked children, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to do her job—but she really, really loved what she did. A museum interpreter who worked with hands-on exhibits, dressing up as a Roman matron during school holidays or at weekends and giving cookery demonstrations and showing people what everyday life was like in Roman Britain, as well as working behind the scenes as a curator on the exhibitions that toured other museums.
So if it wasn’t the baby, maybe she was upset because the baby signalled that things were well and truly over between her and Gary. That they could never go back to how things were.
According to his sister, Isobel had rarely dated since her marriage ended two years ago, so maybe she was still in love with Gary. Alex had never thought Gary was good enough for her—for starters, the man had a feeble handshake and no imagination—but he also didn’t like seeing Isobel hurt and miserable. ‘Come here.’ He slid his arms round her and held her close. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘What for?’
‘That it didn’t work out for you. That he let you down.’ He stroked her hair. ‘I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but he was never good enough for you.’
‘But he didn’t ask me to marry him just because I’m staid and sensible.’
Alex pulled back slightly and looked her in the eye. ‘I asked you because I want this job and being a married man is going to give me the edge I need.’
‘Rubbish. You can talk your way into anything.’
‘Apart from getting you to marry me, you mean,’ he parried. ‘And you didn’t let me finish. Whatever I said about you being sensible—which you are—the main reason I asked you is because you’re my friend. I’ve known you for years and years. I enjoy your company and I trust you. And that’s a much, much stronger basis for a marriage than being “in love” with someone.’ Thinking of Dorinda, Alex curled his lip. She’d been his biggest mistake ever. And she’d taught him all about the misery of love. A lesson that meant he wasn’t going to repeat that mistake. ‘Being “in love” is just temporary. It’s hormonal. Whereas what we’ve got has a much more solid foundation and it’s not going to change.’
‘Isn’t it? Because that’s what worries me, Alex.’ She bit her lip. ‘I don’t want to lose your friendship when it all goes pear- shaped.’
He sighed. ‘Apart from the fact that it’s not going to go pear-shaped, things aren’t going to change between us.’
‘How do you know? Unless you’re talking about a marriage in name only—and as you said you weren’t planning to have a string of girlfriends, I have to assume you’re…’ Her voice tailed off and she actually blushed.
He’d never seen her colour like that before.
And even though he knew he wasn’t playing fair, he couldn’t resist teasing her. ‘Assume what, Bel?’
‘That getting married means having sex with each other.’ Her flush deepened.
Alex felt as if his skin were suddenly burning, too. Sex with Isobel. Right now, he was holding her. Loosely, admittedly, but he was still holding her. All he had to do was move forward a fraction, dip his head, and he could kiss her.
His mouth went dry.
He could remember the last time he’d kissed her, other than the usual peck on the cheeks