He wanted to tell her about the memory, but it was too late. His mouth couldn’t form a word.
People were talking, asking questions, everyone blended into one giant mob. He reached for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers, and nodded. He followed her blindly through the small crowd as people touched him, greeting him. They all meant to be friendly, but it was too much.
As she opened the door, he heard Sheriff Cantu explaining to everyone that it was time to go home.
Home. Would he find the answers he needed? Would he ever be whole enough to finish the job he started? He didn’t know what that meant yet, but his brain wouldn’t let go of the phrase.
Return and finish the job. He didn’t know who or what, but he would get it done. That’s one thing he knew about himself. He never left a job undone.
He just needed to figure out what the job was and who he was working for. Then he’d go back and take care of business. He closed his eyes to ease the pressure in his skull. One day at a time. First, he needed to heal his body, regain his memories, and then he could go back to Colombia.
Selena led him deep into the house, where they’d be surrounded by silence instead of curious stares. The office was at the end of the hall, behind the kitchen. She closed the door. “You can open your eyes now, if you want.”
Selena dropped his hand and stepped back. And for what seemed like an eternity, they stared at each other. There was so much to say, but all she really wanted to do was look at him. Since she’s received the news of his death, a part of her had expected him to show up, walk through the door, back from another secret mission. But everyone told her that was a normal part of grief. What they didn’t know about was the guilt.
Especially with the way they had lost him, with no real closure. Just a box of ashes and belongings. It had seemed so surreal, but now he had walked back into her life and it was just as unsettling. “Whose ashes do we have?”
“Pedro Sandoval. They thought I was him and that Xavier De La Rosa had been killed. Our I.D.s had been switched, and I don’t know why.”
She sat on the edge of the small sofa and pointed to the chair across from her. He sank into the soft leather. She tried to gather her thoughts. That proved to be impossible.
Raising his head, he took in the room, then shot up from the chair. “I don’t want to be in here.”
Searching for the door, he spun until he found it. His chest expanded in short, shallow pants and he pressed his forehead to the solid wood.
Selena jumped up and took his hand. When she opened the door, he shut it again.
“There are people out there.” His voice was raw.
“It’s okay. We’ll go across the hall. No one will see us.” He nodded, clinging to her fingers.
As her bare feet hit the wood floors, she mentally slapped herself for bringing him into one of the worst places for his memories. She wondered if he remembered clearly what had transpired in this office, or if he merely got a bad feeling being in here. His old room was close by, but it was covered in his nieces’ love for pink and horses.
She led him into the girls’ bedroom. “This is better, right?”
He dropped her hand and flexed his fingers. “Great, now you think I’m a complete freak.”
She couldn’t stop a giggle. “You could always find humor at your quirks. This is your old room. Now Belle’s girls share it.”
He sat on the edge of one of the twin beds, looking a little out of place on the old-fashioned quilt with its blocks of bright pink and purple.
“So my quirks aren’t new. Not sure how I feel about that.” His eyes turned darker. “Why did that room upset me?”
“Sorry about that.” Selena moved the wicker chair from the small white desk closer to the bed. To him. “Did you remember the room?” A catch in her voice warned her she was barely holding on.
He shook his head. “There were shadows reaching for me, pulling me under. A major anxiety attack was hovering, waiting to hijack me.” He lowered his head and massaged his temples. “This room doesn’t do that. All the pink and purple scares the shadows.” He looked up and the crooked grin that melted her heart every single time emerged. That smile had gotten him out of trouble more times than she could count.
Her throat constricted, and she pressed her lips together to stop the sob. She didn’t think she’d ever see that smile again.
“I think it’s okay if we’re confused and overwhelmed.”
He scoffed. “That might be an understatement. What was that room?”
“Your father’s office. You always hated that room and refused to go in it.”
Shaking his head, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “It was like dark clouds were trying to swallow me in there. I couldn’t breathe. Memories were fighting against my own brain.”
She grimaced. “Sorry. I imagine some of his worst punishments happened in there.”
He jerked his head up and sat straight, on high alert. Unspoken horrors flooded his gaze. “My father. Where is he?”
The heaviness of something close to hatred crept into the room. Her skin crawled.
She felt the need to hold him and went to him, taking one hand in both of hers. She savored the feel of his warmth. “I’m sorry.” She bit her lips. There was so much to tell him. “He’s dead. He died six months ago.”
His eyes narrowed, shifting between green and gray. He tilted his chin to the ceiling as if looking for answers. “I should feel something, right? Is it wrong that I’m not upset?” Confusion clouded those beautiful eyes. He shook his head. “How?”
“Damian found him on the back five hundred when his horse came in without a rider. Basically, he drank himself to death.”
For a while, the room was shrouded in silence. Selena’s hand stayed on his forearm. She just wanted to stay here, not push or pull him. Xavier was alive and well. There were so many problems lingering over them, but for now she wanted to forget everything and absorb this marvel of him sitting next to her.
She wanted to live here, in this peace. The man that had held her hand as she grew into a woman was home. Even if everything was different now, she wanted to hold off from reality as long as possible and just be in this bigger-than-life moment.
A sound on the other side of the door jarred her. Xavier shifted so that he was between the door and Selena.
It eased open and Belle stepped through. She moved to the end of the bed, her fingers interlocked in front of her. “Is it okay if I sit next to you? Please?”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “I don’t remember you ever asking permission for anything before.”
Selena scooted back, dropped contact with him. How could he know so much about his family but not her? “You remember that?”
“It was a guess.” He shrugged, then reached out and took Belle’s hand, stopping her from moving away from him. “Sorry. Yes, please sit next to me.”
The bed squeaked slightly as her weight came down next to him. Her hands found his, twining their fingers together.
Belle stared at him as if she still couldn’t believe he was here, sitting with them. Selena totally understood that.
She glanced at Selena. “We went ahead and cleaned up. I thought y’all might want a little time to yourselves.” Her gaze went back to Xavier. “All of the guests have gone home. My girls went with—” Belle shot a