“Oh Lily... I’m not sure that I’d be welcome.”
“Bobby would have wanted you there... He liked you a lot.”
For a moment Ali struggled to control a raw burst of emotion. “You really think so, Lily?” she eventually managed.
“I know so because he told me.”
“What...what did he tell you?”
Lily’s forehead puckered. “He told me not to say anything but I guess it doesn’t matter now.”
Reaching out, Ali took Lily’s small, smooth white hands in hers. “Tell me, Lily...please.”
“He said that he was falling in love with you but you didn’t love him back yet...and anyway you were already married... Are you really married?”
Ali nodded. “We’re having a break but...yes, I am still married.”
“So why aren’t you with your husband?”
At Lily’s question, so innocently asked, Ali faltered, struggling for words. She wanted to be as honest as Lily herself but what should she say? “We had some problems,” she eventually managed. “We are on a trial separation right now but we’re going to meet up soon, to talk, you know, about the future.”
“But you won’t go until after Bobby’s funeral?”
Lily’s earnest expression tugged at Ali’s heartstrings. “I...” she began. “I mean... I’m not sure. Ned definitely won’t want to see me there.”
Lily shrugged. “We’re all very sad... Mum says Ned is just lashing out... Please come.”
“Do you think Tom will want me to be there?” she couldn’t help asking.
Lily frowned. “I heard him say to Mum that he wished Bobby had never brought you here... But he did tell Ned that it was an accident and he mustn’t blame you, and that you probably felt bad enough already... So you’ll come?”
“I’ll think about it,” Ali promised. “Now you’d better get off home before someone comes to look for you. They’ll be worried.”
As she watched Lily head off down Cove Road Ali wondered if perhaps she should ring the pub, just in case they were looking for her. Before she could go and get her phone she saw Lily waving excitedly at someone. Tom—it was Tom. Lily pointed back toward the cottage, gesticulating wildly, and Tom followed her gaze. When, just for a fleeting moment their eyes met and held across the distance, Ali’s heart skipped a beat. If only they’d met in another time and place, she thought with a lurch of regret, how different things between them might have been.
* * *
LILY WAS SO pleased to see Tom. “Hi, Tom,” she called, flicking her blond braids back over her shoulders. “I’ve been to see Ali.”
Tom stopped in his tracks, looking toward the row of cottages. “But why would you do that, Lily?” he asked. “And you know you’re supposed to let us know where you’re going?”
“There’s Ali,” cried Lily, ignoring him. “Look, she’s over there, outside her cottage.”
Tom followed her gaze to where Ali stood watching them. She looked lost, he thought with a surge of guilt, and so alone. Perhaps he should have checked on her, just to make sure she was okay. When their eyes met across the distance a heavy sadness turned his limbs to lead. Should he go and talk to her?
No, he decided, it was just too complicated right now; he needed to stay strong for the family and being close to her might cloud his judgment. In fact it really would be easier for everyone if she just went back to where she came from... Deep down though, in his heart of hearts, he knew that he longed for her to stay.
“She’s going away soon,” Lily said, as if reading his mind. “I told her she had to stay for the funeral though.”
“Now why would you do that, Lil?” he asked. “You know Ned won’t want her there.”
“And you, do you want her there? Bobby would and you know it.”
“Oh Lily, life is not quite as simple as you think. We’d all be better off without her around.”
Lily stopped in her tracks, a flood of color turning her pale skin a creamy rose. “I wouldn’t...” she said. “And I don’t think you would either.”
“And where’s she going anyway? She’s taken the cottage for six months.”
“To see her husband I think, they’re having a...a trial...separation.”
“Well...that’s it then,” Tom said, turning determinedly on his heel. “She’s leaving anyway. Come on, let’s go home, everyone’s worried sick about you.”
* * *
WATCHING THEM WALK away together, brother and sister, so close, made Ali aware of just how lonely she was. The dad she’d found too late was gone, following her mother who’d died well over a year ago. So who did she have to care about her... Jake? He wanted to give their marriage another try, but look what he’d done to her before...and had he really changed? Did anyone really change? She’d told him she’d be there tonight but she just wasn’t ready yet.
Picking up her phone she scrolled down to his number, taking a deep breath. “Sorry Jake,” she told his voicemail. “I’m not going to be able to make it after all.”
He rang back almost immediately. “What is it, Ali? Why would you want to stay in that godforsaken spot anyway? I get that you wanted to get away but it’s time to come back to reality now. You’re my wife and we belong together.”
“No, Jake,” she said, sure now that she was doing the right thing. “We don’t belong together anymore, maybe we never did. We’re over—were over the moment you lied and cheated...”
The sound of him slamming down the phone confirmed her intention. Jake would never change.
TOM WOKE BEFORE 6:00 a.m. feeling like he hadn’t slept at all; sleep didn’t come easy, he realized, when you were burying your brother the following day. He lay in his bed listening to the muffled sounds; thumping, bumping and gurgling water; people getting ready for the day ahead. Seemingly no one had slept easy.
The whole family had stayed at home in the pub, just like the old days. Far from bringing them all together as a family, however, it had just seemed to scream out the fact that Bobby was no longer there. His mother had insisted that they eat together, as they’d always done when they were kids. She’d even set Bobby’s place at the table and that had been tough.
It was Lily who’d lightened the mood with her usual straightforwardness. “Bobby would have hated this,” she declared at the dinner table. “Tomorrow we are going to sing him goodbye and he wouldn’t want us to be sad...so come on, let’s sing now.”
And they had; all of them. They’d sat and sang some of the fishing songs Bobby loved, songs that were a part of the heritage Tom felt had turned against them. He’d found it hard to listen to the words for he couldn’t help but question everything about his existence right now. After they sang, though, they’d talked, really talked, about Bobby, sharing wonderful memories that really meant something; and it had brought a smile back to his mother’s face. She’d made them all promise there and then that tomorrow they would celebrate Bobby’s life and not grieve for his death.
It had seemed so easy a promise to make, but in the gray