His Amish Choice. Leigh Bale

time since his return, Eli wondered if everyone believed he still wanted to marry Lizzie. After all, none of them knew anything about Shannon. But Lizzie didn’t want him. Her words to him yesterday had indicated loud and clear that she didn’t love him anymore.

      “Facing my eldre was easier than you might think,” Eli said. “They’re both relieved I’m back. But Lizzie is a different story. I think I’ve burned a bridge with her that can never be rebuilt.”

      Jakob nodded. “No doubt she is still angry and hurt that you left, but she’s refused to look at any other man since then. She has a gut, forgiving heart. With time, I’m sure both of you will be able to let go of the past, just as I did.”

      That was just it. Eli didn’t want to let go of Shannon. How could he forget what she had meant to him and the part he’d played in her death? It was his fault she had died, but he didn’t mention that to Jakob.

      With one last smile of encouragement, Jakob turned and joined the other men as they lined up to go inside the spacious barn for their meetings. Eli followed, standing behind Martin Hostetler, who was three years older than him. With auburn hair, a smattering of freckles across his nose and blue eyes that gleamed with merriment, Martin was hardworking and filled with energy. Eli was surprised the man was still single.

      Martin nodded and asked him several questions, but was cut off when they went inside, much to Eli’s relief. His thoughts were filled with turmoil. As they trailed into the barn and took their place opposite the women, he considered Jakob’s words. Yes, it had taken courage to return, and yet it hadn’t been so difficult. Not when he’d been yearning for home—and everything in Denver had reminded him of Shannon, filling him with grief and guilt. But now that he was here, he feared he’d made a mistake. People in his Gmay would expect him to marry. And he couldn’t do that right now. Maybe never. Perhaps he didn’t belong in this world anymore.

      He glanced at Bishop Yoder’s pretty daughters sitting with Lizzie. The young women smiled shyly, then ducked their heads close together in a whispered conversation. Though he’d known most of them before he left, they all looked alike to Eli. Modest, chaste and pretty. With her creamy complexion and stunning eyes, Lizzie stood out among them, like a beacon of light in a sea of fog. Eli knew the Hostetlers and Geingeriches each had a daughter of marriageable age too, but he wasn’t interested. Not in any of them.

      He glanced at Lizzie, who stared straight ahead at the bishop. As the vorsinger called out the first note of the opening song, she opened her mouth and sang in German from the Ausbund, their church hymnal. How ironic that she was the only woman in the room who didn’t seem to be looking at him.

      Someone cleared their throat nearby and he glanced over to find his father’s disapproving frown aimed at him. It didn’t matter that Eli was a grown man. He was unmarried and still living in his father’s household. Trying to refocus his thoughts, Eli joined in with the slow harmony, the words returning to his memory like a dear old friend.

      Almost immediately, the bishop and deacon stood, then disappeared into the tack room to hold the Abrot, a leadership council meeting to discuss church business. While they were gone, the congregation kept singing, with no musical accompaniment. Eli stared at the closed door, trying to clear his mind and relax. Forcing himself not to look at Lizzie again. Attempting to push her from his mind. But it did no good. Again and again, he glanced her way, his thoughts returning to her wounded gaze. She’d made her position perfectly clear when the bishop had asked him to work on her farm. They needn’t discuss the matter further. And yet, Eli couldn’t fight the feeling that they still had unfinished business between them.