Andi thought about all the reasons she believed moving to Two Moon Bay was good for Brooke. But the logical, sound reasons for making such a major change only explained about 90 percent of her rationale. Andi hadn’t confided to anyone about the other reasons that pushed her toward her decision. It was hunger, she thought. She was hungry for something different in her life. After years of successfully managing a large medical practice, she’d been a casualty of a merger with a larger medical group. Luckily, she was a saver so she wasn’t living hand-to-mouth. She’d also accepted a few temp assignments over the last eighteen months and that helped cover her expenses. She had the luxury of holding out for a good professional opportunity.
When she’d first started her job search, a couple of medical practices had come looking for her, even coaxing her to agree to interviews, but they made such lowball offers she’d turned them down flat. She was determined to think bigger, not smaller. Or, what was stopping her from changing fields altogether, maybe taking off in a new direction?
Deciding to move to Two Moon Bay had been bound up in that exciting notion of a fresh start. All that work to renovate her house increased its value and the profit from its sale bought her more time to figure out what she wanted. The sale happened much faster than she or the Realtor had anticipated. The offer was well above the asking price, but in order to take advantage of it, she’d agreed to a closing date that allowed her almost no time to find a permanent rental.
Andi sipped her wine and stared at the narrow reflection of the new moon breaking through the haze over the lake. Where had her logical mind gone? None of these short-term problems would matter if she was judging her situation rationally. These were setbacks, minor at that, but they brought back long buried memories of other times she’d just as soon forget.
Like the air, the lake was still tonight. That sad old boat she’d seen was probably barely moving at the dock.
Odd that she would think of that boat. But there was something about it. But what?
Miles’s call broke into her thoughts.
“So?” he asked.
“So,” she said back, “here it is. You know I agreed to get out of the house in Green Bay without enough time to organize the move or find a rental, let alone buy a new place. I feel bad about that. Here I am, with my reputation as a hotshot manager, but I mismanaged this entire situation.”
“But I keep trying to tell you it’s okay,” he said with an impatient sigh. “We all know it’s temporary. We have room for you. This is about you, Andi, not me...or anyone else.”
Lark. He means it’s not about her. But Andi knew that. Using her thumb and index finger, she rubbed her forehead as if that action could produce the words that would help him understand. “I know this sounds overblown, but it feels chaotic, Miles,” she finally said. “On some level, not having a job or a house reminds me of the days after our divorce when I made so many mistakes.”
She was talking in code, as if not spelling it out would soften the blow. Who was she kidding? The blow was landing on her, not Miles. “I married Roger so fast, and it was such a disaster. The next year was a mess. You were the one who kept life stable for Brooke.”
“Oh, Andi, that was years ago,” Miles said softly. “I can’t believe you’re linking that old mistake with this situation. They’re entirely different. Anyone would have jumped at the offer you got for the house and figured out how to meet the terms later.”
Andi laughed. “You’re right, logically, that is. I guess this is stress talking. And Brooke was crabby about packing up so fast. That’s what brings up the same old feelings that I failed her—again. But I’d rather we move into a residential hotel until I find something. Better than having her mom staying with her dad and his new wife. A woman her dad knew long before he met her mom. It’s complicated, Miles.” Unintentionally, the volume of her voice had increased so she was almost hollering at him. “Sorry, Miles, I’m not mad at you.”
“I get it, but you’re being too hard on yourself. I’ve never criticized you as a mom. Never.”
Now he was getting mad. Another unintended consequence of the quandary she’d created.
“And one more thing. You’re taking Brooke’s bad moods way too seriously,” Miles said, his voice normal again. “Change is hard.”
Andi let out a long, weary sigh. “That’s true. But her riding camp starts soon. I’m hoping being around horses will improve her attitude.”
With a laugh in his voice, Miles said, “She’s told Evan all about her camp in great detail. That kid is so patient, and he’s only fourteen.”
“It’s worked out well for you. The move, I mean, and you and Lark.”
“Yes.” He paused. “I’m not trying to hurt you with this offer of a room in our house. Neither is Lark.”
His gentle tone triggered the growing fullness behind her eyes, but she wasn’t ready to let down her emotional barrier, not even with Miles. “True enough. But try to understand what’s behind my thinking. You and I get along well, and all that, and as much as I rooted for you and Lark, I simply can’t be under the same roof with you two.” She snickered. “That was blunt enough, I hope.”
“Handle it your way,” Miles said matter-of-factly. “I won’t bring it up again.”
She felt lighter. A burden was lifted, and suddenly a hotel suite didn’t seem so bad. She was tempted to tell Miles about other things going on with her, but she held back. They were friendly, but he wasn’t an intimate friend. Besides, she didn’t even know what was going on inside her, or why she was stirred up about change.
They ended the call and Andi immediately searched for local hotels that offered the kind of room she and Brooke would need. Of course, she thought, when the Sleepy Moon Inn came up. She’d seen it on the edge of downtown, only a few blocks away. She searched the site for vacancies, and when the information came up, she made a reservation and breathed a little easier.
Thinking about her exchange with Miles, she realized it was a good thing she hadn’t spontaneously confided her nagging wish for something different, a new direction. Wow. Those were the words she’d used years ago when she’d foolishly told him she wanted a divorce, claiming marriage—to anyone—wasn’t right for her and she needed another path.
Andi shivered inside, thinking of how ridiculous that sounded to her now.
Enough. Look ahead, not back. Her personal motto, particularly after her job ended.
Andi slipped out of her jeans and tank top and pulled her sleep shirt over her head. Going through her nightly routine helped put a stop to the useless journey into the worst part of her past. As she smoothed moisturizer across her cheeks, she struggled to recapture her excitement over the decision to move to Two Moon Bay. But the move itself was only one part of it.
She felt her old patterns shifting. Maybe it was because Brooke was growing up and needed her less. In any case, the changes weren’t limited to the mundane stuff, like finding an apartment or a predictable, if dull job in the same field. Except for a couple of huge mistakes, each involving a man, she’d lived cautiously, maybe too much so. She was always guarding against throwing her life—and Brooke’s—into disarray. Now she wanted more.
Andi fluffed the pillow and turned on her side. Closing her eyes, she decided that if she ended up in the hotel suite, she’d turn it into an adventure for herself and Brooke. She’d convince Brooke it was like camping out but without the bugs. Whoever built that run-down old boat she’d seen earlier must have wanted something out of the ordinary. So why shouldn’t she?