“How did you know?”
“Everyone knows who you are. The girl who went away to become a doctor.”
She couldn’t tell if that was sarcasm in his voice or something...something less negative. Dare she hope admiration? What was she thinking? Of course not. Her devout Amish neighbors would never condone her actions without permission from the bishop. But that didn’t matter. She would help them whether they liked it or not. She had a plan. In time, she hoped they would see the gut in what she’d done.
Lord, let them see I did it for them. For all of them.
* * *
Noah clucked to the horse and flicked the reins to keep Fred moving. He still couldn’t reconcile the strange sight that he’d found on the roadside.
Kathleen Yoder. Strolling along like a distant memory or faded dream.
She wasn’t at all what he’d pictured. He’d heard so many stories about her that he’d thought she’d be taller. More of a person to be reckoned with. He’d expected her to be more forceful. Not demure. How was she ever going to forge her way to be a doctor in their community? A doctor close at hand could prevent many senseless deaths. He admired her tenacity to do what no other Amish would. Woman or man.
And if she could come back after nearly a decade and a half, that gave him hope that another might too.
He certainly never anticipated her to be pretty, with her dark brown hair, steady blue eyes and heart-shaped face. Why would she have wanted to leave and pursue something like medicine against the leadership’s wishes? She could have married any man she wanted. Every young man must have had his sights on courting her.
“Stop the buggy.” Her words came out half-strangled.
“Why? We’re almost there.”
“That’s why. Please stop. Please.” She grabbed the reins and pulled back. Her hands brushed against his.
Fred eagerly obeyed.
Her touch sent a tingle shuddering up Noah’s arm. Before he could put on the brake and even before the horse came to a complete stop, Kathleen jumped to the ground and circled behind the buggy.
He set the brake and climbed down.
Kathleen paced behind the buggy, muttering to herself in English. “I stood up to Dr. Wilson with all his old-fashioned treatments that weren’t evidence-based. I had been right, and the patient lived. I can do this. I can face my family and the community without shame for my disobedience.”
He watched her for a moment. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to gain my courage. I thought I’d have this whole walk—” she swung one arm back the way she’d come “—to think about what to say to my parents. Planned it all out. And prepared myself if they don’t give me a warm welcome.”
“I’m sure they’ll welc—”
“What will I say to my younger siblings? Are any of them even left at home? The baby that was born the year after I left. Samuel. He’d be thirteen. And Jessica would be only fifteen. They won’t even know me. Are Benjamin and Joshua still enjoying Rumspringa? Or are they too old? Have they joined church? And Ruby should be considering marriage. I wonder if she’s being courted by anyone? And Gloria is certainly married.”
She was really worked up. He felt bad that she was so distraught. Dare he try again to console her, to let her know all would be well?
Another buggy came up the lane. Noah motioned for the driver to keep going. He didn’t think Kathleen needed someone else to witness her distress.
The young man nodded and kept moving.
Noah nodded back.
“Who was that? Someone I would know? Do you think he recognized me?”
“I think you know him. That was Benjamin Yoder.”
Kathleen stopped fidgeting and stared at him. “My brother? Benjamin?”
Her steady blue gaze warmed him. He nodded.
With a wistful expression, Kathleen studied the retreating buggy. “My brother.” She sighed. “I wouldn’t have recognized him. Do you think he recognized me?”
“I don’t think he got a very gut loo—”
“Of course he didn’t recognize me.” Kathleen resumed her pacing. “I’ve been gone for fourteen years, and he was so young when I left. How could he?”
“Kathleen?”
“How will any of them remember me?”
“Kathleen?”
“I will be as a stranger to them. All of them.”
Noah grabbed both of her hands to calm her. “Kathleen, look at me.”
Her panicked blue eyes turned to him and slowly focused. “I could diagnose pneumonia. I could set a broken bone. I could take out your appendix. All that, I can do. This I cannot.” She meant facing her family.
He squeezed her hands. “Don’t be silly.”
“I’m not silly.” She tried to pull her hands free.
He held fast. He didn’t want to let her go. “I didn’t say you were silly. I said you were being silly. You left the community and went against the wishes of the church leaders. You studied for so many years. You have done what no other Amish have dared. Where is that girl? The one who did all those things?”
Her voice came out small. “I think I left her back in the city.”
“Ne. You didn’t. She brought you back here.” He’d presumed she would be a stout woman who took charge. Not this slip of a thing who appeared scared and unsure of herself. Not this beautiful woman standing before him. “Your parents will be happy to see you.”
“How do you know?”
“They’ve never stopped talking about you.”
“You know my parents?”
He gave a nod. “I’ve spent quite a bit of time with them the past three years. My farm borders theirs. They’re proud of all you’ve accomplished.”
“Now I know they’ve never said that. Pride goes against the church.”
“It’s the way they talk about you.”
“So they talk about my being a doctor? Do they think the community will accept me?”
“They don’t talk about that.”
“You mean my being a doctor?”
He nodded.
“Then how do you know they’re proud of my accomplishments, if they don’t talk about my being a doctor?”
“Like I said, it’s the way they talk about you. About their daughter who is in the English world. I can’t explain it.”
Kathleen pulled free and resumed pacing. “Why did I ever leave? What was I thinking?”
Noah stared at his empty hands, then tucked them into his pockets to keep them from reaching out for her again. “Honestly, I’ve never been able to figure that out. Did you think the leaders would pat you on the back for your efforts? You know they disapprove of your actions? But your parents don’t.”
She stopped and stared at him with wide blue eyes. “I don’t know what to do. In a hospital or surgery I do, but not here. Give me a patient, and I’d know what to do.”
How could someone be so confident in one area and not in another? “Climb back in the buggy and go see your family. Both you and they have been waiting fourteen years