Reagan was shocked, but pleased, and she squeezed his hand. “Ditto.”
“Really?” he asked, surprised.
“Of course.”
“You could’ve fooled me. You’re so closed-off around me sometimes.”
“Then why will you miss me?”
Kainan grinned. “Because you’re brave, compassionate...”
“You just called me closed-off,” she teased.
“Compassionate with your patients. You have a kind heart.”
She blushed again. “Thank you.”
“You’re also beautiful.”
He ran his thumb across her knuckles. His hands were rough from the dry heat and the tough conditions, but they were strong, surgical hands. And the simple touch was both calming and exciting at the same time.
“You’re the most beautiful soldier I have ever seen.”
His eyes twinkled and he smiled, causing a dimple to pucker in his cheek under his stubble.
Blood heated her cheeks at the compliment. No one ever paid her compliments. She wasn’t sure how to take it.
“Why do you need my approval all the time, Reagan? For goodness’ sakes, leave me alone. You don’t need validation for something that is so ordinary.”
Her mother’s harsh words rang in her ears.
She began to tremble, thinking about her mother and the lack of parental compassion she’d had growing up.
“You’re trembling.” Kainan pulled her close and whispered, “Why?”
“Tired. That’s all.” She was lying, but she didn’t want to think of her mother now.
Kainan held her. She buried her head in his chest, drinking in the scent of him, and the human connection she hadn’t realized she’d been craving calmed her.
“Where are you going after we pull out?” she asked, still clinging to him.
“To the front lines,” he said tersely. “Tonight.”
Her heart skipped a beat. The front lines were dangerous. Even if there was a cease-fire, the capital city of Helicia had become a tangled mess of debris, mines and IEDs. The thought of him getting hurt scared her.
“You’re shivering again,” he whispered as he rubbed her back.
“I’m just worried about you advancing tonight.” She looked up at him. “It’ll be dangerous.”
He grinned at her. “I will be okay. I will worry about you too, you know.”
“I’ll be on military transport, headed back to Canada.”
“Things happen—and Canada is a long way away. A whole ocean divides us.”
He reached out and stroked her cheek, wiping the tears from her face, and before she knew what was happening he was kissing her. Tenderly at first, and then possessively, but it felt so good and she kissed him back, gripping the collar of his tattered linen shirt as if his life and hers depended on it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered breathlessly against her mouth. “I don’t know what came over me. I’ve gotten so used to being around you, seeing you every day, just the thought of not seeing you...”
She should put an end to it, the kissing, but she just wanted to feel. She wanted to give in to the attraction she felt for him. The white-hot lust.
It would be once.
Just one time.
It had been so long since she’d been with someone, since she had any kind of intimacy.
“No apologies—and don’t stop.” She kissed him again, running her hands through his hair.
“Reagan, we need to stop.”
“Why?”
“I’m advancing and you’re leaving. What future do we have?”
“Right now, none. But I’m not asking for a future, Kainan. I just want to feel tonight. I just want a connection with you. I’ve been fighting it since I met you.”
He nodded, his gaze holding hers. “Me as well.”
“So don’t stop,” she whispered, pulling him into another kiss which seared her very soul.
He stood to his feet, helping her up. “Come.”
Reagan thought that he was going to take her back to her camp, but instead he led her inside his tent, taking her in his arms.
“I want you so much, Reagan. I wanted you the first moment I saw you. But I don’t want to make you a promise I may not be able to keep,” he whispered against her ear.
“I care for you too. And you don’t need to promise me anything. I just want this.”
“As you wish,” he said, before kissing her again, making her melt into his arms completely.
* * *
It was dark outside and she could hear movement. People on the move to the front lines. She rolled over in the narrow cot that she and Kainan were sharing and glanced at her watch. It was midnight. In an hour her transport would be leaving. She had to pack up what little gear she had and get to the rendezvous point.
Kainan was already up and dressed in his uniform, which she’d rarely seen him wear at the mobile hospital. It was a bit surreal, and thinking about him in danger made her stomach knot with unease.
“I was just about to wake you,” he said gently.
“Sorry I slept so long here.”
“No, it’s okay.” He leaned over and kissed her. “I have to go with the next transport to the front lines. There is fighting going on in the city. More wounded. I’m needed there.”
“I thought there was a cease-fire?” she said, dressing quickly in her wrinkled clothes.
“There was, but some insurgents have been found hiding in the city. It will be taken care of.”
He said that with a finality which sent a shiver down her spine.
She finished dressing.
He took her in his arms and held her close.
“Please be safe,” she whispered, drinking in the scent of him. She wanted to remember every moment of this time with him, and she sent up a silent prayer that he would be safe.
“You too, Reagan. My beautiful Reagan. I shall never forget you.” Kainan kissed her. “Come, we’d better go.”
They walked out of his tent and saw the Hermosian camp was a flurry of activity. He walked her as far as he could, to where the Canadian forces were packing up what they could, ready to join the Hermosian Army.
“I’ll never forget you,” she said, and she wouldn’t.
How could she forget him? A man who had seemed to see past her façade. A dangerous and yet gentle man, and one heck of a surgeon.
A man she’d been proud to serve with.
“Ditto.”
He kissed her hand one last time and then headed toward a large transporter that was waiting for him. He climbed up into the back of the armored vehicle and waved at her as the truck rumbled away into the darkness toward the front lines.
Please keep him safe.
Reagan headed back to the tent she shared with another surgeon. She packed up her kit bag and then waited for her transport.
It was past 1:00 a.m. when