“Me. I did.”
She met his eyes and then focused on the wineglass instead and nodded. “Yeah, you did. Always giving me pep talks.”
“I knew what it was like to have a father like yours. Always feeling like you never measured up. I felt I needed to offset that.”
“Yes, but my father loves me, too.”
Joe couldn’t say what the Colonel had felt for him. Love? If it was, it was fleeting after Joe had failed the nation.
“Don’t be mad.”
Joe’s lips twitched. Vivian always told him that when she knew whatever she was going to say next would make him mad.
“What?”
“I went to him.”
“Who?”
“The Colonel. I wrote a letter to your mother. I thought it was important that your family know the truth...”
“Hell, Vivian. Are you serious? What the hell did you say?”
“That you weren’t to blame. That we got into a fight and I ran away from you. That it was my fault. I didn’t mention...the other thing.”
The kiss. A kiss he hadn’t forgotten in ten years.
Joe was still trying to process why she thought the truth exonerated him.
“Your mom asked me to come and talk to him. To try to make him understand. I think she was heartsick about how he’d treated you. Plus, she probably missed having you around. I said everything I could, but he never looked at me once. When I ran out of words, he said thank you and left the room.”
One more thing to be angry with that bastard over, being a jerk to Vivian.
“I could have told you what his reaction would be.”
“Maybe. But you weren’t there.”
The jab hurt, and he looked at her to see if she’d said it intentionally. Reminding him of his many sins. Leaving Vivian at the hospital and never looking back.
Sometimes he could still hear her screaming in that broken voice.
Where is he?
So many sins. How could she possibly forgive them all?
One more time. “Why are you here, Viv?”
“I’m scared,” she admitted. “Not really something new for me, but with these notes...”
It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but at least she wasn’t lying. He could feel her fear in her tight, shallow breaths.
“Carl’s going to handle it. He’ll find whoever did this. Some nutjob who saw you on the news and now wants his fifteen minutes.”
She shook her head. “It’s not enough. I have a lot on my plate starting this new business, rebuilding my life here in DC. I can’t do that looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. I want to feel safe. I need to feel safe. Which is why I’m here. I want to hire you to protect me.”
Now that, Joe thought, was irony. Then he burst out laughing.
IT WASN’T EXACTLY the reaction she expected. She waited until he had calmed down, but noted that there were actual tears in his eyes. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him laugh so hard.
“It’s not that funny.”
“Yes. It is. You want me, of all people, to protect you?”
Vivian took a deep breath. She’d known coming here wouldn’t be easy, but she’d also known he was her best option and her first choice.
“I’m no longer entitled to Secret Service protection, and I wouldn’t want that anyway. I could hire another investigator, but that person wouldn’t know me and wouldn’t really understand the situation like you do.”
And the last time she had felt truly safe in her life was when Joe had been watching over her. She wanted that again. She was willing to sacrifice her pride to get it. It wasn’t a question that he could have forgiven her. A foolish stunt by a twenty-year-old girl who thought she was madly in love...
You were madly in love.
Regardless, she thought, her feelings had cost him his job, his future and his relationship with his father. Not to mention what that did to the rest of his family. Vivian considered what might happen when she saw him again.
That he might yell, or worse tell her to get lost in that scary soft tone he always used when he was superangry.
Laughing was unexpected.
Then suddenly he stopped. “You do recall what happened the last time you were under my protection?”
Yes, because she’d been stupid. Vivian shrugged. “I’m guessing you won’t make that mistake again. You were the best at what you did, Joe. I know that, even if no one else does.”
He huffed. “You don’t know anything about me anymore.”
Yes, it had been ten years, but back when they had been together, she had known Joe Hunt.
“I hear that Hunt Investigations has a sound reputation and that you come highly recommended. I did some research before I made the decision to find you.”
She couldn’t read his expression. Maybe pride? Then he closed it down. “Yeah, I’m aces at catching cheating spouses in the act. Just ask anyone. No marriage is safe when Joe Hunt is on the trail.”
“Surely you must work other cases.”
He stared at her hard for a moment and then shook his head. “I don’t think this is a good idea. For either of us. Find someone else.”
“There is no one else!” Vivian blurted out. She felt it. She was losing the battle. Losing him. The thought of that, after she’d had to summon all her courage to see him again, was unthinkable. “No one I trust. No one who can take away the constant feeling that I’m being watched...”
Her breathing got shallow, and she could feel the panting begin, the panic escalating.
Not in front of him. Not in front of him.
“Look at me, Viv. Eyes on me.”
Helpless to resist, she met his eyes and felt his hands on her shoulders to hold her steady.
“Deep breath.” He breathed it in with her. “Another one. Again.”
She repeated the effort until her breathing regulated. Her face, though, was flush with humiliation. She’d hated that lack of control.
“Still get them?”
“Not as much,” she said tightly. In fact she hadn’t had so much as a hiccup in years. Not until she got the first note. Then it all came flooding back.
“It’s the letters. They’re upsetting. The name... No one knew that name, Joe. It’s not possible he’s...”
“He’s dead.”
Vivian nodded. Intellectually she knew that. Three sharp blasts, then the feeling of his blood spilling out of his body and onto her legs. Warming her after she’d been so cold.
She shuddered and tried to focus on the facts. Joe knew he was dead because Joe had killed him.
“Sugarplum,” she muttered. “To this day I can’t even look at a plum in the