“Don’t mind if I do.” He reached for the pine nuts. The next thing she knew, he’d lounged back in one of the overstuffed chairs, extending his long legs. “We need to have a little talk.”
Alarmed, she sat forward. “Is there something wrong?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.” Between narrowed lids his eyes burned a hot blue, searing her insides.
“I don’t understand.”
He stopped munching. “I think you do. You need to be honest with me. Are you uncomfortable around me?”
She swallowed with difficulty, looking everywhere except at him. “If I’ve made you feel that way, then it’s purely unintentional. I’m so sorry.”
“So you do admit there’s a problem.”
Tracy got to her feet. “Not with you,” she murmured.
“Johnny, then?”
Her eyes widened. “How can you even ask me that?”
The question seemed to please him because the muscles in his face relaxed. “Does your family wish you hadn’t come?”
“I know my in-laws were astounded you and your friends had made such an opportunity available in honor of their son. They were really touched, but I believe they thought Johnny would want to turn right around and come home.”
One brow dipped. “Is that what you thought, too?”
“When I first told Johnny about the letter, he said he didn’t want to go. I knew why. Wyoming sounded too far away.”
“What did you do to change his mind?”
“I asked him if he at least wanted to see the brochure you sent. He agreed to take a look. The second he saw that photo of the Tetons, he was blown away.”
Their gazes fused. “Those mountains have a profound effect on everyone.”
“Then he wanted to know about white water. But something extraordinary happened when he saw that gigantic elk with the huge horns...” Carson chuckled. “He looked at me and I felt his soul peer into mine before he asked me if I wanted to go. He always asks me first how I feel when he wants something but is afraid to tell me.
“I still wasn’t sure how he’d feel after he got here. In retrospect, even if he’d wanted to turn right around, that airplane trip from Salt Lake would have put him off flying for a while.”
Carson’s smile widened, giving her heart another workout.
“My sister-in-law Natalie thought it was a fantastic opportunity and urged me to accept the invitation, but I don’t know how my in-laws really felt about my taking their grandson to another part of the continent.”
The tension grew. “Now that you’ve ruled out all of that, we’re back to my original question, the one you still haven’t answered.”
Naturally he hadn’t forgotten where this conversation had been headed and wouldn’t leave the cabin while he waited for the truth. “As you’ve probably divined, I’m the problem.”
“Why?”
He had a side to him that could be blunt and direct when the occasion demanded. It caught her off guard. “I guess there was one thing I hadn’t thought about before we left. After we arrived here, it took me by surprise.”
“Explain what you mean.” He wasn’t going to let this go.
She took a fortifying breath. “I assumed we’d be coming to a vacation spot with all the activities mentioned, but it has turned out to be...more.”
“In what regard?”
“I—I didn’t expect the one-on-one treatment,” her voice faltered.
“From me and my buddies?”
“Yes.”
He got to his feet. “But that was the whole point.”
Tracy nodded. “I realize that now. But for some reason, I didn’t think your business enterprise meant it would be a hands-on experience involving you so personally.”
His brows met in a frown. “A dude ranch is meant to cater to the individual. If the three of us weren’t here, there’d be others giving you the same attention. After losing your husband, does it bother you to be around other males again? Is that what this is about? I’ve half suspected as much.”
She felt her face growing red as an apple.
“Have you even been out with a man since he died?”
“I’ve been to faculty functions with men, but they’ve always been in groups.”
“In other words, no, you haven’t.”
“No,” she whispered.
“And now you’re suddenly thrown together with three bachelors practically 24/7.” He put his hands on his hips in a totally male stance. “I get it. And I’ll tell you something.”
At this juncture, she felt like too much of a fool to know what to say, so she let him talk.
“I haven’t been out with a woman since I was transported from the Middle East to Walter Reed Medical Center. When we were discharged, I felt like I was going home to die. The only thing that kept me going was this plan I dreamed up with Ross and Buck to bring a little happiness to the families who were suffering the loss of a husband and father.
“Lady—when I saw you walk through the airport terminal, I was as unprepared as you were. It was one thing to visualize Anthony Baretta’s widow and his son in my mind, but quite another to be confronted with the sight of you in the flesh.”
Tracy lowered her head. “After thinking of you in the abstract, the sight of you was pretty overwhelming, too,” she confessed. “I guess we’d been picturing three marines in uniform whom we’d get to meet at some point during our stay so we could thank you. Instead, we were greeted by the king of the cowboys, as Johnny refers to you in private. He wasn’t prepared, either, and clung to me for a long moment.”
“I remember,” he said in a husky-sounding voice before another cough came on. “From a distance, he was your husband’s replica. That is, until I saw both your faces close up.”
She eyed him covertly. Close up or at a distance, Carson Lundgren was no man’s replica. He was an original with a stature to match the mountains outside the cabin door. “I’m glad we had this conversation. I feel much better about everything.”
“So do I. From now on we each understand where the other is coming from. It’ll make everything easier.”
Not necessarily. Not while her pulse was racing too hard.
“Pardon the expression, but you and Johnny are our guinea pigs in this venture. The next family we’ve invited will be arriving next month. Because of you, we’ll be much better prepared for the emotional upheaval created by war, whatever it is. Thank you for being honest with me. It means more than you know.”
“Thank you for a wonderful day.”
His eyes deepened in color. “There’s more to come tomorrow, if you’re up for it. But after Johnny’s experience flying into Jackson, maybe not.”
She took an extra breath. “You’re talking about a hot-air-balloon ride? The kind mentioned in your brochure?”
“It’s an unprecedented way to experience the Teton Valley. Buck will be taking some groups up.”
“I’d love to go, but I’ll have to feel out Johnny in the morning before breakfast. If it’s mentioned at the table and the other children want to g—”
“I hear you,” he broke in. “Johnny might be afraid,