By the time he reached the road to the lake, the snow had stopped and the moon was visible in the night sky. Will turned toward the boat ramp, steering the SUV out onto the ice. The shadowy hulks of ice-fishing shacks loomed in the narrow beams of the headlights.
He put the SUV into Park and stepped out onto the ice. The wind was still sharp, biting at his face as he looked up into the star-filled sky. How many times had he stood in a desolate spot in the Afghan countryside and done this very thing, trying to imagine home and the people who waited for him there?
He’d avoided this place for so many years. Though he’d taken leave occasionally, he’d never once gone home. He’d learned to push his fear aside while defusing bombs, and yet he’d been a coward when it came to facing his personal life.
How much longer could he go on like this? What if he wasn’t cleared to return to active duty? What if that IED had ended his military career? He’d have to make a life for himself somewhere, among normal people.
Clenching his fists, Will tipped his face to the sky and screamed as loud as he could. The wind swallowed the sound before it could echo. Frustrated, Will spun and slammed his fists against the driver’s-side door.
Pain throbbed in his hands and his eyes began to water. He was beginning to feel again and it frightened him. The armor he’d constructed to protect himself in battle was slowly crumbling and he wasn’t sure what kind of man was left underneath.
He’d never tolerated weakness in himself. Maybe that was part of the military DNA. Chin up and carry on. When he’d enlisted, Will had been determined to be the best marine he could possibly be. It was the best way he could honor the father he’d lost too early and the grandfather he’d admired. The marines would be the thread that connected him to his dad for all time, and with every experience he had, from boot camp to the front lines in the war, he’d felt as if he knew his father better.
He’d never told Liv about his reasons for enlisting. His dad had died before Olivia had been a part of Will’s life, so she’d never known him. And until recently, he hadn’t really examined his choices. But after coming out of the coma, Will had spent a lot of time looking back on his life and objectively assessing the path he’d chosen.
He’d defused hundreds of bombs and he’d never made a mistake. And then fate—or God, or just pure bad luck—had stepped in and reminded him that he was mortal after all. He was an imperfect man.
It was as if the explosion had knocked something loose inside of him. He suddenly seemed to have doubts about himself, about his future. The kind of doubts that could get a man killed. Maybe the bomb had been a warning, a sign that it was time to stop living on the edge of darkness and death and head toward the light.
Will pushed away from the SUV and opened the driver’s-side door. It was exhausting trying to hold himself together. Except when he was with Olivia. With her, his mind seemed to grow quiet, his nerves calmed and he was just a normal guy with normal emotions—like lust and desire. And as unfair as it was to her, he wasn’t sure he could resist that high.
Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back and drew in a long, deep breath of the icy air before climbing into the SUV again. Will flipped on the headlights and then drove the truck back to the boat landing. When he got to the cabin, he left the keys in the ignition and trudged through the snow to the front door.
As he closed the door behind him, Will realized that he hadn’t brought in firewood. He cursed softly, then crossed the room and flopped down on the sofa, face-first. Closing his eyes, he let his thoughts drift again to the kiss. How far would they have let it go?
He remembered how hot and desperate it used to be between him and Olivia. He’d been a boy pretending to be man. He’d learned a few things since then. Maybe she had, too. If they did make love again, it would be different than before. They were different.
Will drew a deep breath and let his imagination take over, dissolving into a lazy fantasy of undressing her. His fingers twitched, old instincts still alive and well. Funny how sometimes he struggled to remember words or simple tasks, yet seduction seemed to come back so easily.
But then, this was his fantasy. Reality would have to wait for later.
* * *
DRIFTS OF PLOWED snow lined the streets of Calumet, some of the piles nearly obscuring the houses behind them. The weather had cleared and an arctic front had dipped down from the north, making the air frigid.
Olivia reached out to crank up the heat in the Lexus. When she looked up, she noticed a lone figure walking down the side of the street, and she slowed as she drove around him. It was only at the last second that she realized it was Will.
She hadn’t seen him since last week, and though she’d tried calling a few times just to check in, they’d never been able to connect. Olivia had decided to stop calling when it occurred to her that he might be ignoring her on purpose.
She pulled the car over in front of him and honked her horn. Will jogged up and opened the passenger-side door. “Get in! It’s freezing out there.”
Will did as she commanded, and when he was settled in the passenger seat, he brushed his hood back and pulled off his gloves. “It’s not that bad,” he said.
“What are you doing out there?”
“Just taking a walk,” he said.
“In subzero weather?”
“Like I said, I didn’t really notice the weather.”
“Did you walk from your sister’s place?” Olivia asked.
Will glanced over at her. “No. From the lake cabin,” he said.
“Six miles? Why didn’t you call me? I could have come to pick you up.”
He smiled crookedly, and Olivia felt a measure of satisfaction. She felt good when she could get him to lighten up a bit. He seemed so somber...so sad. “There,” she teased. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Walking into town?”
“No, smiling.”
He turned away, fixing his gaze outside the passenger window. “Sorry,” he murmured. “I’ll try to be more obliging.”
“No,” Olivia said. “I don’t want you to pretend.”
“Where were you going?” Will asked. “I thought you’d be at work.”
“I’m driving up to Copper Harbor. I’ve got a project that I need to check on. Do you want to come with or would you rather continue your stroll?”
He considered her offer for a few seconds, then shrugged. “I’ll tag along.”
She pulled out into the street and headed north out of town for the half-hour drive to the end of the peninsula. “Funny how we keep running into each other,” she said.
“Yeah,” Will replied.
“Kind of a bitter day for a walk,” she commented.
“Sometimes I just have to get out,” he said. They drove along in an uneasy silence for the next few minutes as Olivia racked her brain for a topic of conversation. They’d enjoyed themselves a few nights ago at the coffee shop, rekindling their friendship. But now suddenly all that progress had been lost and they were more like strangers again.
Will seemed completely comfortable with the silence, lost in his contemplative mood, but Olivia suspected that idle chitchat was exactly what he needed. He’d been cooped up in the cabin for far too long. “It’s good that you’re getting more exercise. It will clear out all the cobwebs.”
“You want to talk? Let’s talk about you. Tell me about this project of yours,” Will said.
Olivia