All had died far too young. And Tracy had decided she wasn’t going to waste a second of her time on earth waiting around for what-ifs. Movement, in her eyes, equaled life. So she’d lived that life with a ferocity that others couldn’t begin to understand.
Including Ben.
Genetic code might not be written in stone, but its deadly possibility loomed in front of her, as did a decision she might someday choose to make. But until then she was determined to make a difference in the lives of those around her.
Or maybe you’re simply running away.
Like she had with Ben? No, their break-up had been for entirely different reasons.
Had it?
She pushed the voice in her head aside. “Why does he want to talk to Dr. Almeida alone?”
“That’s not for me to say.” The guard nodded towards the bag. “Those samples must be destroyed.”
“We’ll take care of it.” Her husband’s voice was calm. Soothing. Just as Zen-like as ever. Just as she imagined it would have been had she told him about the life-changing decision she was wrestling with.
And his icy unflappability drove her just as crazy now as it had during their last fight.
How could he take everything in his stride?
Because it was part of who he was. He’d grown up in Brazil … was more Brazilian than American in a lot of ways.
As Ben stripped the tape from around the door and sanitized his hands before stepping into the hallway with the guard, Tracy sighed. She never knew what he was thinking. Even during their marriage he’d been tight-lipped about a lot of things. But as aloof as he’d been at times, she’d sensed something in him yearning for what he hadn’t had when growing up: the closeness of a family.
It still hurt that she hadn’t been able to give that to him. That even as she was driven to work harder and harder by the loss of her baby and by whatever time bomb might be ticking inside her, she was gradually becoming the very thing he despised in his parents.
Her sister had died never knowing whether or not she carried the defective gene. It hadn’t been cancer that had claimed Vickie’s life but dengue fever—a disease that was endemic in Brazil. She’d been pregnant at the time of her death. Her husband had been devastated at losing both of them. As had she. But at least Vickie had been spared the agonizing uncertainty over whether or not she’d passed a cancer gene down to her child.
As much as Tracy had feared doing just that during her pregnancy, she’d never in her weakest moments wished harm to come to her unborn child. And yet she’d lost the baby anyway, as if even the fates knew what a bad idea it was for her to reproduce.
Her vision suddenly went blurry, and she blinked in an effort to clear her head from those painful thoughts. As she did, she realized Ben and the guard had come back into the room and were now staring at her.
“What?” she asked, mentally daring him to say anything about her moist eyes.
Ben’s gaze sharpened, but he said nothing. “I need to leave for São João dos Rios. Do you want me to drop you off at the airport on my way out of town?”
“Excuse me?”
Why would she need to go to the airport? Unless …
No way!
Her hands went to her hips. “I’m going with you.”
Both Ben and the guard spoke at once, their voices jumbled. She caught the gist of it, however. Evidently Ben had been invited to go but she hadn’t been.
Outrage crowded her chest. “I’m the one who took the samples. I’ve already been out there.”
“And exposed yourself to the plague in the process.”
“Exactly.” Her hands dropped back to her sides, palms out. “I’ve already been exposed. And I’m a doctor, Ben. I’ve spent my life fighting outbreaks like this one. I should be there.”
His voice cooled. “It’s not up to me this time.”
“This time. Unlike the time you sent your goons into that village with orders to send me packing?” She almost spit the words at him. “My assistant is still in São João dos Rios. I am not leaving him out there alone.”
Stepping around Ben, she focused on the guard. “I’d like to speak with your superior.”
The man blinked several times, as if he couldn’t believe she was daring to defy whatever orders he’d received. “I’m afraid that’s not possible—”
Ben’s fingers went around her upper arm and squeezed. “Let me talk to her for a minute.”
Practically dragging her to the other side of the room, his stony gaze fastened on her face. “What are you doing?”
“I already told you. I’m doing my job.”
“The military wants to handle this their way. They’ll go in and treat those who aren’t too far gone and make sure this doesn’t spread beyond São João dos Rios.”
“Those who aren’t too far gone? My God, stop and listen to yourself for a minute. We’re talking about human beings—about children like Daniel and Cleo, who are now orphans. They deserve someone there who will fight for them.”
“You think I don’t care about those children? I was the one who wanted you to slow down during your pregnancy, to …” He paused for several long seconds then lowered his voice. “I care just as much about those villagers as you do.”
His surgeon’s scalpel cut deep. She could guess what he’d been about to say before he’d checked himself. He still thought her actions had cost the life of their child. And the worst thing was that she couldn’t say with any certainty that he was wrong. She’d worked herself harder than ever after she’d had the results back from the genetic testing—struggling to beat back the familiar sensation of being trapped. But that wasn’t something she wanted to get into right now.
“Let me go with you.” She twisted out of his grasp so she could turn and face him. “Please. You have pull with these guys, I know you do. Call the commander back, whoever he is, and tell him you need me.”
He dragged a hand through his hair then shook his head. “I’m asking you to walk away, Tracy. Just this once. You don’t know how bad things might get before it’s over.”
“I do know. That’s why I need to be there. Those two kids have already lost their mother. I want to help make sure they don’t lose their lives as well.”
She was not going to let some government bureaucrat—or even Ben—decide they were a lost cause. “I’ll take antibiotics while I’m there. I’ll do whatever the government people tell me to do. Besides, like I said before, my assistant is still in the middle of it.”
She couldn’t explain to him that she really did need to be there. This was part of what being alive meant—fighting battles for others that she might not be able to fight for herself. She took a deep breath. “Please, don’t make me beg.”
A brief flicker of something went across his face then was gone. “Listen, I know—” Before he could finish the guard appeared in front of them, tapping his hat against his thigh, clearly impatient to be gone. “We need to leave.”
Tracy kept her pleading gaze focused on Ben. He had to let her go. He just had to.
Ben swore and then broke eye contact. “Call General Gutierrez and tell him we’re on our way. Both of us.”
The man didn’t bat an eyelid. “I’ll let him know.”
Exactly how much influence did Ben have with these officials? She knew his salary came