But her hand hovered over the ignition. It would be so easy to leave the car running and drift off into unconsciousness. There wouldn’t be any more difficult conversations, impossible decisions or agonizing days and achingly empty nights. She wouldn’t have to sleep in Gabe’s T-shirts simply to remind herself what it was like to have him near. And she wouldn’t have to dread the next forty or so years, pining for the man who had captured her heart so long ago.
When Becca thought of all the birthdays, holidays and special occasions stretching before her, the ache grew unbearable. She couldn’t imagine attending their children’s graduations without Gabe. Couldn’t stand the thought of Maya not having her father walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Couldn’t believe Gabe wouldn’t be there to grow old with her.
Closing her eyes, Becca felt the seemingly neverending tears wet her face. She tried to recall how Gabe had looked on their anniversary cruise when they’d found their love renewed, stronger than ever.
Her heart ached so badly it seemed to radiate through her entire torso. Becca wrapped her arms around her waist and rocked.
Simply staying in the car and waiting for the fumes to collect would be a solution to her suffering. A very final solution. But, suddenly, she could see her children, heartbroken and lost, at yet another funeral. Suicide would leave scars that might not ever heal.
Becca opened her eyes and twisted the key with more force than was necessary. She was no quitter and she had no intention of leaving her children to mourn two parents instead of one.
In that moment, Becca felt a calmness wash over her. It was as if her soul had returned to her body after hovering above. She felt totally present for the first time in two weeks. As if she had found renewed purpose beyond the constant pain. Whatever the reason, Becca sensed she’d turned an important corner. No longer a helpless victim of fate, she would do everything within her power to make life right again for her children.
RICK’s STEPS SLOWED as he approached his office the next morning. Squaring his shoulders, he prepared for another difficult conversation.
“Becca, what are you doing here this morning?”
“I’m here to work. I’ve decided to take over Gabe’s job. He loved this place and wanted to build a legacy for our children. And I intend to make that happen.”
Rick went around his desk, sitting. He took a long drink from his travel mug, wishing it was something stronger than coffee. “I told you I’d make it work. There’s no need for you to do this.”
“Yes, there is. You can’t hire anyone else without giving them Gabe’s salary. We can’t live without Gabe’s salary. I’ll cut back my hours at the hair salon, keep only my best customers and take over for Gabe. With social security, we should be able to make it.”
“You’ve been around the business a lot, but there would still be so much to learn.”
“I’m a quick learner. And we could hire someone part-time for accounts receivable as profits allow.”
“There will be long hours. You need to be there for your kids.”
“In a perfect world, I could drop everything to ease this transition for my children. Unfortunately, it’s not a perfect world and I need to find the best solution. Gabe’s parents offered to pick up more of the slack at home. We can do it. And David works here part-time, so I might see him more often.”
Rick noticed a new resolve in her voice. While he admired her confidence, he didn’t want the business to suffer if she wasn’t able to tackle it all. “Let me have some time to think it over.”
“What’s to think over? You may own controlling interest, but only by two percent. This business is as much mine as it is yours.”
He’d never missed Gabe more than at this moment. Their partnership had grown and evolved into an organic, symbiotic relationship. With Becca, he’d be starting from square one. And with a woman he’d slept with, no less. It was a recipe for disaster.
But she had a point about ownership. Technically, he could make unilateral decisions, but it didn’t bode well for keeping the business together. The last thing he wanted to do was be forced to sell.
Running his hand through his hair, he asked, “There’s nothing I can say to dissuade you?”
“Nothing.” Her voice was emphatic.
“I can check with the bank about a business loan or see if I can take out a second mortgage on my house. Maybe then I could buy out your share.”
“No, Rick, absolutely not. I’m here, I’m staying and I intend to be an active partner. It’s the least I can do for my children. The least I can do to honor Gabe.”
How could he say no when she put it that way?
He couldn’t. But he could at least buy himself time. Very few people could maintain the kind of commitments Becca described. Maybe she would eventually be forced to admit it wasn’t a good idea.
“Why don’t we give it a trial run? Maybe sixty days and then reevaluate?”
“Deal.” Becca extended her hand.
He shook, wondering what the hell he’d gotten himself into. “Deal.”
CHAPTER FOUR
RICK CONNECTED to the ball with a vicious swing. It ricocheted off the wall and came back low.
He sprinted a few feet to lob it this time. Wiping the sweat from his eyes, he returned with another lob. The lob wasn’t a strategic play, it was borne from the sheer necessity of playing racquetball by himself.
He’d canceled his court time twice after Gabe’s death. But now, he needed the release of physical exertion. And not the kind that immediately came to mind. Because when he thought of that kind of exertion, he thought of Becca.
His next shot was low and lethal. Dodging left, he barely missed being hit. Half an hour later, he couldn’t catch his breath.
Was he having a heart attack?
Before, he would have brushed off the thought. He was too young, too fit for that to happen. But Gabe had been young and apparently fit and now he was dead.
Exiting the court, he draped a towel around his neck, trying not to look for Gabe. He half expected to turn his head and see his friend standing there, grinning.
“Hey, Jensen.”
Rick turned, but no Gabe. Instead it was a guy he’d seen around the gym.
“Hey.”
“I heard about Gabe. Sorry, man.”
“Thanks.”
Rick couldn’t recall the guy’s name. Rob, Bob, something like that.
“I’m Bill Connors. My partner and I have the next court time.”
“Oh, yeah. See ya around.” Rick turned, unwilling to watch the twosome enjoy a kick-ass game when his partner was six feet under.
“Thing is, I was wondering what you’ll be doing with your court time. Didn’t see you here last week. Me and my buddies wouldn’t mind taking it off your hands.”
Rick slowly turned to face Bill, his hand clenching his racquet handle. It was all he could do to keep from taking the guy’s head off. He had lost his best friend, his business and racquetball partner. He’d be damned if he was going to lose his court time, too.
“I’ve got a new partner starting next week,” Rick lied. “But I’ll keep you in mind if I decide to give it up.”
“I’d appreciate it.”