She seemed to relax a bit.
He looked into her eyes, then took a breath and said, “So since we’re both in the same boat, neither of us looking for something permanent, the kind of thing we’d have to share with the other parts of our lives…why don’t we just share this.”
“This?”
“Yeah.” He motioned to the room around them. “This.”
“You mean, like have an affair?”
“I don’t know if it has a name.” He touched her hair. “I think we both enjoyed some of the things we explored here today. It was good and fun. But it was also kind of safe.”
“Safe?”
“Yeah. I knew you weren’t looking for more than this, and you knew the same about me. It sort of frees us up to just relax and enjoy. And explore a little more than we otherwise would.” He tilted her chin up, when she looked away. “Didn’t you feel that, Natalie? A sort of secret thrill in getting to do things you wouldn’t normally do?”
She looked at him for so long, he didn’t think she was going to answer. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath, until she did finally speak.
“Yes. Yes, this was…exciting.” She looked at him. “And no, I don’t normally do this.”
“Nor do I.”
“So what are you proposing?”
“That we exchange travel itineraries. See where and when they might intersect. When they do, we can get together and…explore. Safely. No other strings.”
“No intrusions into the other parts of our lives.” She said this almost to herself.
He felt hope blossom in his chest. “Right. This is just for ourselves. No expectations other than that when we’re alone together, we leave everything else outside the door and just enjoy each other. Maybe explore some of those other hidden desires and wants you’ve wondered about but haven’t wanted to give your partner an insight into.”
She pulled out of his arms. “I don’t know, Jake. This was undeniably wonderful. But I don’t know if I can just…I don’t know…schedule something like this into my life. It seems so—”
“Perfect,” he said, unwilling to give up. “I’m not seeing anyone seriously. You?”
She shook her head.
“Like I said. Perfect. Consider it an outlet. Something you give yourself, like a trip to the spa or something.”
She laughed.
“Okay, okay, but you know what I mean. What’s so wrong with that? No one has to know. And if we meet someone in our personal lives that we intend to get serious about, then that’s it. No questions asked. Otherwise, it will last as long as we both want it to.” He walked to her. “No intrusions into each other’s lives. We control this. It is what we want it to be. Nothing more, nothing less.”
She looked into his eyes again, then finally looked away. “I don’t know.” She pulled away again and went to the bathroom. “I just don’t think I can do that. I’m sorry, Jake.” She disappeared behind the bathroom door. He didn’t pursue her.
What he did instead was to grab some hotel stationery and write down his itinerary for the next several months. He jotted down where he’d be, on what dates, and at what hotels. He tucked it into her purse for her to find later. Maybe by then she’d have a change of heart.
At the bottom of the note, he wrote, “Now you know where to find me.” And he signed it “Your Secret Thrill.”
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