“Very,” Ronnie said, her forehead creasing in thought. She reached out and took Ella’s hand. “What’s on your mind, El?”
Ella took a deep breath, reminded herself that she’d opened the door and then jumped through it before she could change her mind. “Your, um, sex life is good, right? I mean, I know how y’all met and everything. It’s not my business, but I’m assuming it’s still really good.”
During one of their margarita binges, Ronnie had told Ella the story of how she and Jack had met: there’d been a series of murders, and Jack, a detective, had come to Ronnie for expert advice about pieces of erotica the killer had been leaving at the scene. The attraction had been intense, one thing had led to another, and Ronnie and Jack had indulged in a few erotic fantasies of their own.
“It’s wonderful,” Ronnie said. She looked as if she might add something else but obviously decided against it, instead letting Ella go at her own pace.
“So, um, have you ever, you know, fantasized about another guy?”
“Ah,” Ronnie said with an almost imperceptible nod, as if she’d just solved a huge mystery. She leaned back in her chair, then shook her head. “No, actually, I haven’t.”
“Oh,” Ella said. Well, damn. So much for her theory that fantasies of Shane were just a normal little relationship bump.
“‘Oh’ is right,” Ronnie said. “You’re thinking about Shane.” She made the statement firmly, without any hesitation. And for the first time Ella cursed having a friend who knew her so well. “When I came up to you earlier, you weren’t thinking about Shane leaving at all, were you? You were thinking about all the interesting things you and he could do if he’d just stay here.”
Ella briefly considered retreating into full denial, but the truth was, she couldn’t. She needed to be open and honest. Shane might be her best friend, but Ronnie had filled the role of female friend in her life, and it felt nice. It also came in handy, because this was one thing she really couldn’t talk to Shane about….
“Okay,” she said. Then she drew in a breath and tried again. “Okay, yeah. Maybe.” She slouched forward and let her forehead bang the table. “Oh, hell, Ronnie. What am I supposed to do now? I’m in love with Tony.”
With major effort she gathered her emotions in, making sure nothing teary and weak would sneak out. Then she lifted her head just enough to peer at Ronnie. The sympathetic understanding on her friend’s face almost unraveled all her hard work, and she had to double her effort to hold back tears.
“I’m a mess,” she said. “I love Tony. He’s great. The perfect eligible man. Good-looking with a great job and a real sense of humor. And his family loves me.”
“You’re right. He’s a fabulous guy. His sisters are wonderful. It’s a good thing, getting along with your in-laws.”
“And I do. Really well.” Already Ella had become great friends with Tony’s two sisters, Leah and Matty, and his parents had welcomed her as if she were one of their own. With Tony she’d found the family she’d always wanted. With Tony she could have a perfect life. “This thing about Shane was an aberration. It had to be. Just my subconscious being bummed out about him moving so far away.”
“Maybe. Or maybe there’s something more. Maybe you should try and find out.”
Ella stared at Ronnie, trying to comprehend what her friend was saying. “Are you nuts? No way. Just because I had a little fantasy about my best friend, that doesn’t mean the sky is falling in. And it sure doesn’t mean I’m not totally, one hundred percent in love with Tony. I have fantasies about Hugh Jack-man, too, but I don’t think we’ll ever be like that.”
“Why not?”
“Well, he lives in Los Angeles, for one thing. Or maybe London. I’m not quite sure.”
Ronnie lifted an eyebrow. “Shane, Ella. I meant Shane.”
“Aren’t you listening to me? I already told you. I’m not interested in him. He’s my best friend, not my personal sex toy. But these fantasies are really awkward. I mean, Shane and I have always talked about everything, but I’m sure not going to talk to him about this!”
“Maybe you should.”
“Ronnie! I’m going to marry Tony. I love him.”
“I know you do. But maybe it’s not the right kind of love. Maybe he’s not the one.”
“Of course he is.” She frowned. Of course Tony was the one. He had to be. She already had a life with him, a whole family who loved her.
“Well, you’d know,” Ronnie said. “I just don’t want you to let something special get away.”
“That would be Tony, and you don’t have to worry.” She held up her hand, preventing Ronnie from saying anything else. “Look, I’m not denying that I had some pretty hot thoughts about Shane. But it makes total sense. I’m depressed he’s moving back to Texas, and this is just my weird way of reacting to that. I don’t really want to sleep with him.”
“Well, maybe you’re right,” Ronnie said, but she’d edged back into her professorial voice, and Ella knew her friend was only humoring her. So much for girl talk. She should have just kept her mouth shut.
“Look,” Ronnie finally said, “for the sake of argument, let’s pretend you do want to sleep with him. Who’s to say that very situation doesn’t apply to him? Maybe he’s desperate to sleep with you, but he’s just as determined not to do anything about it.”
“Oh, please.” The idea was absurd. Never once had Ella picked up any clue from Shane, and they’d even shared a bed in the past. They were friends. True boy-girl friends. A relatively rare combination but not impossible.
“‘Oh, please,’ nothing,” Ronnie countered. “You’ll never know unless you try. So why not rush home, get him naked and have your wicked way with him?”
Ella fought the urge to bang her head against the table. Damn, but Ronnie was persistent. “One word—Tony.”
She realized her mistake the second she said it, and Ronnie realized it, too. A slow smile spread across her face. “So you’re not saying you wouldn’t want to go for it—it’s just that Tony’s standing in your way.”
She shook her head vehemently. “No. No way. All right, maybe I’m a teensy bit curious about what it would be like to sleep with Shane—I mean, that makes sense, right? Me, girl. Him, boy. But I’m not about to go through with it.”
“So we’re right back at my question. Why not?”
“Because I couldn’t stand my life if Shane wasn’t part of it. And because I’m afraid of driving some sort of wedge between us. I mean, I saw When Harry Met Sally.”
“So, instead of turning all Billy Crystal, you talk it out. Work through the whole thing. You guys are too close for something like sex to come between you. Even if it doesn’t ultimately work out, all it will do is add an extra spin on your relationship. After all, you’re both grown-ups, right?”
Were they? Sometimes Ella wasn’t so sure. They’d pulled some pretty crazy, adolescent stunts in the past. Anyway, it was a moot point. Ronnie might believe in different spins, but Ella was afraid she’d be spun right out of Shane’s life, centrifugal force shooting him fifteen hundred miles away, where it would be all too easy to forget to call and—frequent-flier miles notwithstanding—he’d be able to find all sorts of excuses not to travel between the states.
No, sex with Shane was a fantasy. Something that had popped in her head on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. And that’s exactly where it should stay. In her head.
Out of sight. Out of mind. And absolutely, positively, out of her bed.