Another rush of adrenaline charged his body. That meant he might be seeing her again. Just the thought of it raised his blood pressure. Somehow her appeal had slipped past his defenses. He couldn’t figure it out.
“Yes, sir.”
Fifteen minutes later he pulled into the driveway of his house and let himself in the front door. Sharon Milne, his live-in housekeeper, would have put Tessa to bed at eight-thirty. His daughter had made him promise he’d help her write a letter to Santa in the morning.
Rick went to the kitchen and drank from the tap until he’d quenched his thirst, then he headed for his bedroom. After a shower and shave, he put on a robe and walked down the hall to Tessa’s room.
He tiptoed inside and sat on the side of the bed to look at her. In sleep her profile reminded him a lot of his deceased wife, Tina. She’d been gone a year. They’d lost her to leukemia a month before Christmas after a year’s fight against the disease. This was the hardest time for both of them.
Tessa had been very upset with him when he’d dropped her off at kindergarten today. She’d wanted to know why they couldn’t go back and get the gingerbread man.
There’d been several reasons. Once again Rick had given her another talk about being grateful for the things she had and not to expect to be appeased at every turn. After Tina’s death he’d done his share of giving their daughter things to comfort her in their grief, but it hadn’t taken long before he’d realized it was the wrong thing to do.
She expected everyone to satisfy her slightest wish. His wife and her family had done too much of that in the past. Before Tina’s passing, Tessa had already felt entitled. He smoothed the blond hair off her forehead. Rick didn’t want his daughter growing up with a princess complex.
But there was more bothering him. How could he explain to a five-year-old how he’d felt when he saw the clerk looking at him through the shop window with those brilliant blue eyes? She was the kind of woman the guys at the station would call a real stunner—blonde and curvaceous with classic features. Most likely she was married with children. Her response to Tessa had seemed very natural. It meant his thoughts should stop right there. The absence of a wedding ring didn’t always prove anything.
Rick had felt dead inside for so long, he was shocked to discover he could have an emotional response to the looks of a beautiful woman again. The psychiatrist provided by the department had talked to him at length about dealing with his grief. He’d told Rick that one day he’d start to feel alive again, but there was no set time when it would happen.
Rick certainly hadn’t expected the first signs of it to happen this morning. Part of the anger he’d felt masked guilt, because it seemed as if he was being disloyal to Tina even to notice another woman so soon after her death. The psychiatrist had warned him about that, too. He’d said it was perfectly natural to feel guilt, and he might feel it for a long time. If it went on too long, however, then he wanted to see him back in his office.
After the clerk had waited on him, his anger had grown worse because she’d been so incredibly nice and tuned in to Tessa’s feelings. He didn’t want her doing either of them any favors. For one thing, Tessa was his daughter.
The woman obviously thought he didn’t have enough money to pay for the gingerbread man, so she’d lowered the price. He had to admit it had injured his pride. But after having a whole day to think about it, he recognized what he’d really been feeling.
The last thing he wanted was to feel beholden to her or any woman. Sharon, the housekeeper, was different in her caretaker role.
Face it, Jenner. You resent being attracted to her.
That was the truth of it. He supposed the fact that she was the first person since Tina’s death to take his mind off his wife for a few minutes made him feel vulnerable. But for her to play Santa hadn’t sat well with him. So many emotions had bombarded him, he hadn’t been able to get out of the shop fast enough.
No one could take Tina’s place as Tessa’s mother. He couldn’t trust another woman with that job. Rick didn’t want another woman in his life. He didn’t want to have those kinds of feelings ever again. It had hurt so much to lose Tina. He couldn’t live through pain like that a second time. Once was enough for him and Tessa. He’d do whatever he could to protect both of them from more suffering.
Frustrated as hell because he would have to go by her business tomorrow, he leaned over to kiss his daughter’s forehead before leaving to go to his own room. Maybe he’d get one of the crew to do it. Either way, it would be a short visit and that would be the end of it.
Before he went to bed he made a detour to the living room and set up the elf band beneath the Christmas tree they’d bought and decorated last night. When Tessa got up in the morning, she’d run in here to find out what the noise was and be delighted.
Now, if he could just get the woman out of his head so he could go to sleep... But that was a joke, because she’d been flitting through his mind—all the amazing parts of her, starting with her smile and the way her blue eyes shimmered.
* * *
At ten the next morning Arney pulled the fire truck in front of the scarred top half of the art gallery. An inspection team from the arson squad was walking around.
When Rick saw Benton, he climbed down from the truck in his gear and walked over to his sandy-haired friend. He and his wife, Deanna, an attractive brunette, had two children, one of whom was Tessa’s friend Julie at kindergarten. They’d all become close during Tina’s illness.
Benton patted him on the shoulder. “Thanks to your tip, we know this is the work of the same arsonist who started that department-store blaze three weeks ago. Underneath that pile of canvases, he’d filled a plastic milk carton with gasoline and made a wick with a piece of shirt. It was a slow burner, but did enough damage to ignite the whole thing.”
“He probably used the fire escape here to knock out that third-story window we climbed into. I thought it had been blown out by the fire.”
“Let’s hope he’s caught soon. In the meantime I’ve spoken to the police chief. They’re going to keep this downtown area under heavy surveillance 24/7 until after the holidays.”
“That’s good.” If Benton hadn’t mentioned it, Rick would have.
“How’s it going?”
Rick didn’t have to pretend around him. “Don’t ask.”
“That’s what I thought. Deanna and I are having a little party on Saturday night. We want you to come. Susie Anderson from Engine 3 will be coming along with some of the others. She specifically asked if you’d be there.” He put his hand up. “I know what you’re going to say about that, but at least promise me you’ll think about it.”
“Susie’s a good firefighter and nice in her own way, but she’s been a part of the landscape for too long a time. She’s just one of the guys to me, Benton. Everyone’s been trying to line me up, but I just can’t do it. I don’t feel the spark. Without that...”
“Then bring a friend, so Susie won’t get any ideas. If it’s your housekeeper’s night off, then bring Tessa. She and Julie can play.”
Rick was aware the guys were waiting for him. He turned to his crew, having made a certain decision. “Mel? You and Arney cover the florist and the Hansel and Gretel shop. Jose? Go talk to the cleaners across the street. I’ll take the print shop.”
Once the men took off, he eyed Benton and gave him a clap on the shoulder. “Thanks for the invite. I promise I’ll think about it.”
His friend winked. “Good.”
Before Rick walked across the street, his gaze wandered to the display window of the shop. Yesterday he’d looked into a pair of blue eyes in an angel face with a golden halo of hair. It had felt as if a thunderbolt had passed through him.
But neither the gingerbread man nor