“It was a difficult adjustment for me,” Amanda said, but that didn’t begin to describe the problems she’d struggled with.
Etiquette, table manners, conducting herself with proper decorum. Living up to her aunt and uncle’s expectations. Living down her past.
Everything had been uncomfortable. The opulence of their home, the servants, the family meals.
“On top of that,” Amanda said, “I’d suffered through a growing spurt and shot up five inches. I changed, matured. I had long, ungainly arms and legs I didn’t know quite what to do with. Nothing I wore seemed to fit right.”
“Lordy-me, Miz Amanda, do I remember those days!” Dolly commiserated, shaking her head. “Bosoms and hipbones suddenly poking out. The monthly misery. Being angry and sad and happy all at the same time. And nobody understanding.”
Amanda laughed softly. “I suffered no more than any other young girl blossoming into a young woman. But it seemed worse back then, on top of everything else.”
“So what happened between you and Mr. Nick?”
“We vacationed near Tahoe with the Hastingses. They were strangers to me. The twins were quite young then, but my cousin Rachel was sixteen, Daphne seventeen, both beautiful young women at ease with everything and everybody around them.”
Dolly raised a brow. “Including Mr. Nick?”
She nodded. “Including Nick.”
He’d been nineteen that autumn. The most handsome young man Amanda had laid eyes on in her life. She’d spent the whole holiday too addle-brained to think of anything to say to him, and too tongue-tied to speak even if she could have thought of something to say.
Until that night…
Amanda still remembered how warm it had been, despite the snow that blanketed the ground. A full moon illuminated the forest around the magnificent mountain home the Van Pattons referred to as a cabin.
“It was late. Daphne and Rachel slipped outside and I went with them. We met Nick and two other young men from the neighborhood. It was all quite innocent. A playful snowball fight broke out.”
Amid squeals and laughter, the six of them had scattered into the woods, scooping up the cold snow, hurling it at each other as they darted among the trees. One of the young men had picked up Daphne and tossed her into a snowbank. Another had chased Rachel, threatening the same.
“Then, somehow, I found myself alone with Nick. I threw a snowball at him. He dodged it easily and charged right at me.”
Quick as a wink, he’d swept her feet from under her and sent her crashing toward the ground. But at the last instant he’d caught her, kept her from falling. He’d pulled her upright and held her by both arms as she gripped his sleeves.
Moonlight had shimmered through the pines, casting beams across his face as they stood staring at each other. Breathless, Amanda had marveled at his strength—the strength of a man. Had marveled at his quickness. His agility. His masculinity.
He’d knocked her to the ground, but he’d saved her from the fall just as effortlessly. In that instant Nick Hastings had taught her how a man should treat a woman. With tempered strength, compassion, gentleness.
At once, her arms and legs had seemed to fit her body, and she knew why she’d been saddled with the womanly curves she’d found so uncomfortable. Suddenly, Amanda had been at home in her body, glad for the first time that she was a young woman. Understanding, too, that Nick was a young man.
“The next thing I knew, I was in his arms,” Amanda said, looking out the window at the yard, but seeing that snowy forest instead.
They’d stayed that way for a long moment, gazing into each other’s eyes. Nick’s beautiful green eyes, looking only at her. His fingers clutching her arms possessively…
He’d eased closer. She’d smelled his masculine scent, seen the shadow of dark whiskers on his chin. Only the two of them had existed in the snow-covered world.
“Then he kissed me,” Amanda said.
It wasn’t anything more than a pressing of lips, a brush of bodies. But it had taken Amanda’s breath away, left her shivering and shaking.
“So, what happened then?” Dolly asked, leaning forward.
“The others came crashing through the trees and Nick ran off with them.”
Amanda had stood there alone, knowing she’d never be the same again. She’d fallen in love with him. And he’d ruined her for every other man she met afterward.
“And that was that?” Dolly asked.
Amanda drew in a breath, remembering the aftermath of the moment that had changed her life.
“The next morning when Nick walked into the dining room for breakfast, he took one look at me and walked out again.”
Dolly uttered a disgusted grunt. “You are kiddin’ me.”
“No, I wish I were. After that, if we happened upon each other, he never so much as made eye contact, just turned and left at the sight of me.”
“Humph,” Dolly said, and her expression soured. “I don’t like that Mr. Nick at all, anymore.”
“Rachel mentioned that Nick had asked about me later that night, the night we kissed. Afterward, he wouldn’t even look at me,” Amanda said.
“Why do you reckon he did that?”
“I’m not certain.”
She didn’t know for sure. But she was left with the crushing assumption that he’d learned who, exactly, she was. Not a real Van Patton, only a distant, destitute relative they’d taken in out of the goodness of their hearts.
“And you never saw him again?”
Amanda shook her head. “He never came with the Hastings family when they visited San Francisco. He was in college, traveling in Europe, then working at the family business.”
“What about when you all came down here to visit?”
“I always found an excuse not to come. Aunt Veronica never seemed to realize the situation. She had four daughters to contend with and probably appreciated that I wasn’t one of her problems.”
Dolly shook her head. “A young woman never forgets her first kiss. Especially if it’s from a good-looking older boy like Mr. Nick.”
That was certain. Amanda had never forgotten that night. Never stopped measuring every man she met by her one encounter with Nick. She’d often wondered if he even remembered that night. And if he did, had it meant anything to him?
Surely not what it had meant to her.
“So,” Amanda said briskly, shaking off the memories, “that was that.”
Dolly grunted again. “Still, I don’t like the man. I don’t like what he did. Kissing you, then treating you like you were dirt, or something.”
“It was a long time ago. He’s probably changed.”
“I still don’t like him,” Dolly declared.
Amanda was glad Dolly hadn’t asked any more about Nick. She didn’t want to admit that, after all this time, thoughts of him left her as breathless as they had that moonlit night so many years ago.
“I’d better take a bath,” Amanda said, leading the way across the bedchamber to the bathroom down the hall. She was better off pushing the whole matter out of her mind. She’d grown up, filled her life with things that mattered to her.
Somehow