“I’m not exactly the catch of the county.” Sam’s smirk was Brady’s undoing. The same damn smirk Sam used to give him when they were kids and Brady had made better grades than Sam had.
“Neither am I.” Brady ran his hand through his hair and stared up at the yellowed ceiling tiles. “Don’t you see how the people in town treat us? Don’t you see the pity? The poor Ward brothers who lost their parents. Hell, in their eyes, you are probably a saint for raising Luke, while I’m the coward that ran away.”
“You didn’t run away.”
“Didn’t I?” Brady stared into the blue eyes of his brother that were duplicates of his father’s and his. “You don’t think I wanted to escape when Mom died? That I needed to escape?”
“And you did. and I didn’t stop you.” Sam’s voice had a slight edge to it. “You went to college, and I stayed here with Luke. I kept the farm going and when you get done with college, you can come home and help out.”
“Home?” The word was so foreign to Brady that it tasted bad in his mouth.
“Like Dad always wanted. Like Mom wanted. The three of us together.”
The backs of Brady’s ears burned. “This isn’t home.”
Sam’s lips tightened. The humor and patience drained from his face. He stood, but the extra inch of height Sam had on Brady wouldn’t intimidate him today.
“God, Sam, have you deluded yourself that much?” Brady wouldn’t back down. “This can’t be home, because home is Mom and Dad. Home was an illusion we had as kids. A safety net to keep us protected. Now? Home is shattered all around us.”
“Stop it.” The threat behind Sam’s words only made Brady push harder. This had been building for too long.
“Luke is a mess. You are a mess. I’m a freaking mess. We don’t belong anywhere. You can’t keep trying to bind us to this place. We don’t belong together.”
“Stop.” The word was an angry whisper.
“I’m not staying here anymore, Sam.” Brady took in a deep breath and the weight released off his shoulders. “I have an internship and scholarship waiting for me. In London.”
“England?” Sam staggered backward as if Brady had hit him.
“It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. It’s what I always wanted.” Brady changed tactics as some of the anger drained from him. “They don’t offer this to just any student, Sam. I’d be a fool not to jump on it. Most people who go end up getting a job overseas. My flight leaves in two days.”
“And that’s what you want?” Sam straightened to his full height. “To be as far away from here as possible?”
“It’s not like after school I’d return to Tawnee Valley, settle down with someone like Maggie Brown and raise a passel of children. The farm is your dream. Not mine.”
“What about Luke?”
“Luke?” Brady looked out the window toward the old barn across the drive.
“Who’s going to protect Luke? Who’s going to watch his back as he tries to become a man?” Sam’s voice was tight.
“You were—”
Sam shoved Brady. Caught off guard, Brady almost fell over a chair. The sibling rivalry that had been playing out for years rose to the surface, bringing with it the pent-up rage. But Brady held himself in check, even though he wanted to plant his fist in Sam’s face.
“That’s right. Me. I’m the one who left college to come home when Mom got sick and Dad died. I’m the one who is stuck on this farm, destined to watch everyone leave our dying hometown. I’m the one who had to step in when Luke made bad decisions. I’m the one who will have to clean up the messes you two leave behind.”
“I never asked—”
“Mom did.” Sam didn’t raise his voice, but he’d struck for Brady’s heart.
“But you didn’t have to.” Brady knew his reply was weak as it left his mouth. The venom from Sam’s words seeped through Brady’s veins and sapped away his anger.
Their mother meant the world to them. Their parents had tried for years to have children before finally getting pregnant with Sam. Their father had a heart attack when he was fifty-three. That same year their mother found out she had widespread cancer. If the boys could have, they would have taken her place. But none of them could and it was time to get on with their lives.
“I can’t keep coming back.” Brady took in a deep breath. “Mom’s in every square inch of this house. I keep expecting her to come around the corner, to shout from the bedroom for help, to be here. Every time that door squeaks and slams shut I keep hoping to see Dad coming in from work. You have to stay. But I don’t have to.”
Sam turned and braced his hands against the sink as he stared out the window.
“Please don’t ask me to.” Brady tried to sound confident, but the words were a shaky whisper.
Sam stared out the window for so long Brady lost track of time. Sam’s shoulders sagged from the weight he carried and Brady had helped put it there. Away from Tawnee Valley, Brady could pretend that everything was fine, but here…it hurt to breathe.
Sam finally pushed away from the counter and turned to face him. Brady braced himself to defend his decision. Sam wouldn’t understand how hard this was on him. The opportunity was too good to pass up.
“I won’t ask you to stay.” Sam lifted his gaze to meet Brady’s. He didn’t raise his voice, but Brady knew he meant every word. “I won’t ask you to come home. Not now or ever.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to.” Brady knew this was goodbye. He’d hoped to be leaving on better terms, but knowing Sam, how else could he leave?
“I’ll tell Luke.” Sam picked up the dishes and took them to the sink.
The conversation was over and so was their relationship. “I’ll send what money I can.”
The dishes crashed into the sink. Brady winced as the cup he’d given his father cracked.
Sam’s words were stilted as he bit out, “I don’t need your money.”
Brady nodded, but he would send some, anyway. “Bye, Sam.”
Eight years later
“Amber! You need to get out to the bus stop now!” Maggie Brown flipped over another paper on the desk. More bills. They just kept piling up.
“I’m going.” Amber bounced into the dining room with her backpack strapped tightly to her shoulders, her dark hair swinging from side to side. Her blue eyes were serious, even as she paused next to Maggie’s chair for a quick hug.
“You don’t have to wait with me.” Amber skipped her way out the front door, calling over her shoulder, “I’ll be fine by myself.”
Maggie rose and followed her. “I like to wait with you.”
Amber swung around in a circle, so carefree and full of life. Maggie could barely breathe with the weight on her chest. It had been only a few months since her mother succumbed to cancer. Amber had been their blessing during the hard times. She’d given Maggie and her mother the chance to focus on life instead of death.
“You all right, Mommy?” Amber had stopped her twirling and walked over to take Maggie’s hand. Through the bad times, they had each other.
“Yeah,