‘Especially a single mum?’
‘You could come with ten kids,’ Jed said. ‘It was never about that.’
‘Then why?’
‘Jasmine, please.’ He put up his hand. ‘This is difficult.’ And she knew then he had something to tell her, that she was as guilty as he’d been that night, because she was the one now not letting him speak.
‘I left my last job, not because …’ He really was struggling with it. ‘I got involved with a colleague,’ Jed said. ‘And there’s no big deal about that, or there wasn’t then. She worked in the labs in research and, honestly, for a couple of months it was great.’ He blew out a breath. ‘Then she started talking about children …’
Jasmine opened her mouth and then closed it.
‘I wasn’t sure. I mean, it was early days, but it wasn’t even on the agenda. I told her that. She got upset and that weekend I went out with some friends. I was supposed to go over to hers on the Sunday and I didn’t, no excuse, I just was out and got called into work and I forgot.’ Jasmine nodded. She completely got it—she forgot things all the time.
‘She went crazy,’ Jed said. And it wasn’t so much what he said but the way that he said it, his eyes imploring her to understand that this was no idle statement he was making. ‘I got home that night and she was sitting outside my flat and she went berserk—she said that I was lying to her, that I’d met someone else.’ He took a long breath.
‘She hit me,’ Jed said. ‘But we’re not talking a slap. She scratched my face, bit my hand.’ He looked at Jasmine. ‘I’m six-foot-two, she’s shorter than you and there was nothing I could do. I could have hit her back, but I wouldn’t do that, though, looking back, I think that was exactly what she wanted me to do.’
‘Did you report it?’
He shook his head. ‘What? Walk into a police station and say I’d been beaten up? It was a few scratches.’
‘Jed?’
‘I thought that was it. Obviously, I told her that we were done. She rang and said sorry, said that she’d just lost her head, but I told her it was over and for a little while it seemed that it was, but then she started following me.’
‘Stalking?’
Jed nodded. ‘One evening I was talking to a friend in the car park, nothing in it, just talking. The next day I caught up with her in the canteen and she’d had her car keyed—there were scratches all down the side. I can’t say for sure that it was Samantha …’
‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing for a bit,’ Jed said. ‘Then my flat got broken into and then the phone calls started. It was hell.’
He had never been more honest, had been so matter-of-fact about it when he’d discussed it with others, but he wasn’t feeling matter-of-fact now, because for the first time he was properly reliving that time. The flat tyres he’d come out to, the phone ringing in the night, that he didn’t even want to think of dating, not because he didn’t want to but because of what she might do to any woman he went out with.
‘It all went from bad to worse. In the end she just unravelled—she ended up being admitted to Psych and nearly lost her job.’
‘It’s not your fault.’ She saw the doubt in his expression. ‘Jed, the same way I wasn’t responsible for what my ex did.’
‘That doesn’t stop you looking back,’ Jed said. ‘I go over and over the time we were together and maybe I did let her think I was more serious than I felt.’
‘Oh, come on, Jed. She clearly had issues. If it hadn’t been you it would have been the next guy.’
‘But it was me,’ Jed said. ‘I had more than a year of it. She’s getting help now, apparently, but I just couldn’t stay around,’ Jed admitted. ‘I don’t think it was helping either of us to work in the same hospital and in the end I didn’t want to even be in the same city. That’s why I moved.’
‘That’s awful.’
‘It was,’ Jed said. ‘I wasn’t scared for myself, I could stop her physically, but when she started messing with people I knew, that was enough. And,’ Jed added, ‘I was scared for her too. It was awful to see someone who was basically nice just going to pieces.’ He managed his first smile since he’d arrived that evening. ‘Do you believe me now when I say I had no intention of getting involved with anyone at work?’
‘Yes.’
‘And do you understand why, when you got so upset that I might have once dated Penny, I thought it was all just happening again? I mean, the second we got serious, and we did get serious, you know that we did …’ He waited till she nodded. ‘Well, the next night I come round and you’re standing there, crying and begging to know if I’ve ever hooked up with Penny, if anything, anything had ever happened between us.’
‘I get it.’ Jasmine even managed to laugh. ‘I’d have freaked too, if I were you.’ She went over to him and he pulled her onto his knee. ‘I promise not to stalk you when we break up.’
‘Maybe we won’t.’
‘We’ll see,’ Jasmine said.
‘I know that you wouldn’t now, anyway. You handled the break-up brilliantly,’ Jed added. ‘I mean, a couple of late night phone calls wouldn’t have gone amiss—a few tears …’
Jasmine held her finger and thumb together. ‘Just a smidge of obsession?’
‘Careful what you wish for, huh?’ Jed smiled back. ‘I think I dreaded a break-up more than a relationship—and you …’ He smiled at her. ‘You just carried right on.’
‘Not on the inside.’
She’d never admitted it to anyone, not just about Jed but about her fears and her thoughts and how more than anyone in the world she hated confrontation, hated rows, and that, yes, she had been running away. ‘I’ve got to stop avoiding rows …’
‘I think it’s nice that you do.’
But Jasmine shook her head.
‘You’re a lot stronger than you think.’
She didn’t feel very strong sometimes and she told him a little of how it felt to be related to two very strong women who were so accomplished in everything they did.
‘Jasmine,’ Jed asked. ‘What do you want?’
‘Meaning?’
‘What do you want?’
She thought for a moment, about Simon safe and warm and sleeping in his cot and her job that she loved and her little home right on the beach and a relationship that looked like it might be working.
‘What I’ve got,’ Jasmine said.
‘And you’ve worked for it,’ Jed pointed out. ‘You could have listened to your mum and sister and been some high-powered lawyer or doctor and hating every minute of it, or you could be working in the fracture clinic because the hours are better, but instead you’ve stood your ground and you do a job you love … And,’ Jed added, ‘despite a lousy relationship you’ve got an amazing son and your heart’s back out there. I’d say you’re pretty strong.’
And he was right. She had everything she wanted, even if wasn’t what her mother or sister might choose. She did, even if it was misguided at times, follow her heart.
‘I do want a little bit more,’ Jasmine said.
‘What?’ He moved in for a kiss.
‘White walls,’ Jasmine whispered. ‘I’m on my fourth coat.’
And he looked at walls that were