God, the taste of her. The scent of her. The feel of her body aligning with his and the hush of her breath on his skin—damn it.
Jake leaned against one of the porch posts and asked, “Late night?”
“A few things to see to,” he answered vaguely and headed toward the main house.
Jake came down the steps, holding a beer in each hand. He was as tall as Nathan, but where Nathan was broad and muscled, Jake was wiry. His dark brown hair was a little too long, his jeans were worn and faded and his boots were as scarred and scuffed as Nathan’s own. He was slow and steady and more at ease with himself and his world than Nathan had ever been.
Jake went his own way and managed to have a good time while he was doing it. Nathan had always admired that trait in his younger brother.
With a wide grin, Jake handed over one of the frosty bottles. Grateful, Nathan accepted it and took a long drink. When Jake wandered off, Nathan followed his brother across the yard toward the swing set. Apparently, Jake wanted to talk—away from the house. But nothing would get Jake talking before he was good and ready, so Nathan just enjoyed the night and the returning sanity now that he was a safe distance from Amanda.
He’d thought he was well and truly over her. Nathan had deliberately put her out of his mind years ago. He’d lost himself in work and in the arms of the willing women who’d come and gone from his life without leaving so much as a trace of themselves behind. So yeah, he’d figured with Amanda back in town, he’d face her down and keep moving on.
But the hard ache in his body let him know that though his mind had let her go, the rest of him hadn’t. And there she was again, he thought in disgust. Right back in his thoughts, front and center. He closed his mind to the memories and focused on the now.
There were a few dawn-to-dusk lights around the play area and he took a second or two to look it over. He and Jake had dug out the wide area beneath the playground equipment and then poured enough fine sand to sink an aircraft carrier. It had taken the two of them nearly two weeks to get everything set up and finished off for safety, but knowing his niece and nephews loved it made all the work worth the effort.
Made of sanded, polished wood—to prevent splinters in tiny hands—the climbing gym sprawled across the pristine lawn as if it had grown in that spot. Jake’s five-year-old twin sons and their two-year-old sister loved climbing on it and especially enjoyed the castle-like room at the top. Gave him a good feeling, seeing the next generation of Battles clambering all over the structure, hooting and hollering at each other, just like he and Jake had done when they were kids. It also made him remember that if things had turned out differently, his own child might have been playing here as well.
He shook off that disquieting thought and buried it under another long drink of his beer.
Jake slapped one hand against the swing set and blurted, “So, how’s Amanda?”
Nathan almost choked on his swallow of beer. When the coughing ended and he could breathe again, he looked at his younger brother. “How the hell did you know I went to see her?”
Jake shrugged. “Mona Greer was walking that tiny excuse for a dog of hers and saw you going into the diner apartment. She called Sarah Danvers, Sarah talked to her daughter and Amelia called Terri a while ago.”
The Royal hotline was already buzzing.
“Well, hell,” he muttered. So much for keeping his private life private. He hadn’t seen a damn soul around the diner. Mona Greer should look into a career with the CIA or something. Even at eighty, her eyesight was damn good and she clearly had a sneaky streak.
Jake laughed. “Seriously? You thought you could slide in and out of Amanda’s apartment and nobody would catch on?”
“A man can dream,” Nathan mumbled.
Jake laughed even louder and Nathan told himself there was nothing more irritating sometimes than a younger brother. “Did you come out here just to bushwhack me with gossip then laugh at me?”
“Of course,” his brother said with a good-natured shrug. “Not every day I get to give you grief over something.”
“Glad you’re enjoying yourself.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m glad to see Amanda back. Glad to see it bugs you.”
“Thanks for the support,” Nathan told him and took a drink of his beer. His gaze moved over the play equipment. In the moonlight, the slide gleamed like a river of silver and the pennant flag on the castle top fluttered in the hot Texas wind.
Irritation swelled inside him. Three years he’d been sheriff. He had respect. He had the admiration of the townspeople. Now, he was just grist for the mill.
“You want support? Go back to the TCC and talk to Chance. Or Alex.” Jake toasted him with his beer. “From family, you get the truth, whether you want it or not.”
“I don’t.” Nathan leaned against one of the posts as visions of Amanda roared into his brain again. He shouldn’t have gone to her. But how could he not have? They’d had to talk. But then, there hadn’t only been talking, had there?
“I know you don’t want to hear it but you’re going to anyway.” Jake paused, ran one hand over the heavy chain from which one of the swings hung. “So here it is. You missed your chance with Amanda back in the day.”
Nathan snorted. “I didn’t miss a thing. Trust me.”
Shaking his head, Jake said, “You know what I mean. You let her get away.”
“I didn’t let her do a damn thing, Jake,” Nathan said tightly as he pushed away from the heavy wooden post. “Her decision to walk.”
Jake was unaffected by the anger in Nathan’s voice. “Right. And you didn’t try to talk her out of it.”
“Why the hell should I have?” Stalking off a few paces, Nathan’s boots slid in the sand he and his brother had laid beneath the swing set. This was his place. The home he’d grown up in. The town where he’d carved out a spot for himself. Damned if he’d let the past jump up and ruin what he’d built.
At the far end of the play equipment, Nathan turned to look at his brother. Jake looked relaxed…amused, damn him.
Well, why wouldn’t he be? Jake had everything he’d ever wanted. He ran the ranch. He was married to his high school sweetheart and they had three great kids plus another on the way. Everything was riding smooth in Jake’s world—not that Nathan begrudged his brother’s happiness. But at the same time, you’d think Jake could manage a little sympathy.
“I’m not going to beg a woman to stay with me.”
“Who said anything about begging?” Jake shot back. “You could have asked.”
“No,” Nathan said, shaking his head and looking away from his brother’s too-sharp eyes to stare out over the moonlit lawn. “I couldn’t. There were…reasons.”
Reasons he’d never talked about. Never even mentioned to Jake, and Nathan was closer to his brother than to anyone else on the planet. Those reasons tried to push into his mind now and Nathan resolutely pushed them out again. He’d dealt with them all years ago. He wouldn’t go back, damn it.
“You listened to the gossip. You believed the rumors instead of talking to Amanda about them.”
His head snapped up and his gaze locked on his brother like a twin pair of dark brown lasers. “What do you know about the rumors?”
Jake took a sip of his beer. “Chance told me what was going on—” He held up one hand to keep his brother quiet. “And don’t blame him for it. You sure as hell didn’t bother to tell me. You’re my brother, Nate. You could have said something.”
He shook his head and squelched the burst of anger struggling to come alive inside him.