A fiery spear singed her heart and burned its way through her body. She fought to keep from sagging. Her throat thickened, his words of regret ringing in her ears.
He’d been sorry about laying her down on the sofa, comforting her with kisses that healed her open wounds? He’d been sorry about his whispered words that brought her joy and then he’d been sorry about joining their bodies...in a gentle and beautiful way that had made her forget her heartache? Making love with him had been a magical, wonderful experience in her life. She’d been infatuated with her neighbor since age fifteen and had dreamt about being in his arms, having his lips on her and giving her body to him.
For Casey, it had all been one gigantic mistake.
Images from ten years ago seared her memory.
Susanna remembered the shattering sound that had filled her ears that night. She’d rushed into the kitchen. A ceramic mug lay shattered in pieces on the floor. Luckily, there hadn’t been steaming coffee bubbling out of it like the last time her dad had a clumsy spill. George Hart stood in the middle of the mess and his bewildered stare hit home. He hadn’t been himself lately. Her mom’s gaze stayed on her dad and he gently nodded to her. Then her mother asked Susie to sit down. There was something important she needed to know.
“Dad’s had the condition for two years, honey, but we felt you didn’t have to know. We tried to spare you some worry. But it’s time now to tell you the total truth.”
Susanna’s whole world had crumbled. Now she understood their motives for holding back the truth, but back then she’d been devastated that her father’s death was imminent and that both her parents had lied to her about it. Their betrayal had struck deep and she was angry at them, angry at the world. She’d marched defiantly out of the house, but the second she stepped outside, she broke down and sobbed and sobbed.
“You don’t have be sorry anymore, Case. Or feel guilty.”
A wince drew his mouth down and his eyes filled with grief. “That’s not easy to do, Susanna.”
“It’ll be easier when I tell you the truth. That night, I knew Audrey wasn’t home. She was volunteering at the animal hospital and they’d needed someone to stay until midnight. I didn’t come to your house looking for Audrey, Casey. I knew she wouldn’t be there.”
Casey leaned way back and blinked. “What are you saying?”
She stopped short. His sharp question had her doubting herself. But she’d gone this far. He needed to know the truth. Her chin up, she pressed on. “What I’m saying is I knew you’d be there alone. I came for you. You just assumed I was looking for Audrey.”
He began shaking his head as if absorbing what she’d just revealed. Well, hell...he’d brought the subject up. Now, he wasn’t happy with the truth?
A car cruised down the street and briefly shined light on her house as it passed by. They both watched the driver turn into a driveway at the end of the block.
Casey sighed.
“So you see, you didn’t take advantage of me. I came looking for comfort.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better about this, Susanna. My comforting got outta control.”
“I didn’t see it that way,” she whispered.
Casey sighed again. “I just made things worse. You ran away crying. And things have been weird between us ever since.”
“It was an emotional night for me.” She’d been crazy about him and the instant he’d touched her, she’d been ready for more. She’d wanted him—the forbidden, brooding rodeo rider—for years. Maybe it was just infatuation but at the time she’d thought it was love, and he’d made her gloriously happy that night. For that brief bit of time, she’d forgotten about her father’s illness and the dread that had crawled up inside her.
“I’m sorry about it, Susanna,” Casey said in a low rasp. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She bobbed her head up and down. He’d humiliated and rejected her. The searing ache had festered inside of her for years. Maybe too many years. Could she be using Casey, breaker of her heart, as a scapegoat for her real loss? Had it been the idea of losing her father, not Casey’s behavior, that had really devastated her? Was it time to let Casey off the hook? Maybe he was right in confronting her and making them talk it out. He had a point. They were going to be neighbors again. How on earth could she keep Ally from the adorable pup next door? All day long, the little girl had begged to see Charger again.
Susanna’s breath caught whenever she looked at Casey, but she could control that, couldn’t she? He wasn’t that irresistible. Having this talk cleared the air. Accepting what was done was done would make life so much less complicated since Casey was her best friend’s brother.
“Okay. I accept your apology. What happened between us was a long time ago. I’ve almost forgotten about it,” she lied.
His brows lifted and he smiled. “That’s what I was hoping for.”
A gnawing ache pinched her belly. His enthusiasm wasn’t easy to take. She would forever hold dear the first time she’d made love to a man...a special man whom she might very well have loved. Those memories would never leave her.
“Then we can move on? Start fresh?” he asked.
“I think so.”
But she would’ve been happier if he’d never come back to town.
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