Jewel shook him gently. “But she took whatever jobs she could get, and that meant traveling. She once told me that she didn’t have a choice.”
It was as if he hadn’t heard her. “She made a living, but she was never home, and in the end, she didn’t come back. When I knew that she wasn’t coming back, that she had gone down in that plane, I thought I would die, too. She was going to write a book on cocoa. Cocoa, for God’s sake!”
His sister’s startled look told him she hadn’t realized that after sixteen years he was still in such turmoil about their mother. “Rufus listen to me. You’ve forgotten something very important. Papa had been an invalid since before I was born, and Mama had to support us. Etta Mae worked because she wanted to. That’s a big difference.”
The only evidence he gave of his inner conflict was the involuntary twitch of a jaw muscle. “Maybe I shouldn’t have voiced my feelings. But I used to cry myself to sleep when I was little, because I missed her. You didn’t feel so alone, because you had me. When you were born, I swore I’d take care of you. Mama had a hard life: a breadwinner, a young woman married in name only and forced to be away from her children. Jewel, I don’t want a woman I love to be caught up in that kind of conflict, and if I married while my boys are little, well…”
He disliked speaking of his personal feelings, but his love for his sister forced him to continue to try and make her understand the choices he made. “Preston and Sheldon are my life. I left my job at the Journal to work at home as a freelancer because they needed me, and I wanted to be there for them. I remember what it was like to be left with a succession of maids, babysitters, and cleaning women to whom I was just a job. And my boys are not going to live like that. Jewel, I can’t expect a woman to put my children before her own interests; their own mother didn’t do it.”
He put an arm around his sister’s shoulder. “Naomi has a career and she’s devoted to it. She’s also very good at what she does, and she deserves every opportunity to reach the top of her field.” He paused, then spoke as if to himself. “And I’ll be the first to applaud her when she gets there.”
He opened the car door. “Enough reminiscing. It’s getting late.”
Jewel started the motor. “At least you’re thinking about her. That’s all I want, Rufus, that you’ll find someone who truly cares for you and whom you can love in return. When that happens, you’ll forget about these other concerns.”
Rufus looked in on his boys, got a can of ginger ale from the kitchen, and went to his study. But after an hour, still looking at a blank page, he conceded defeat. He couldn’t afford to become involved with Naomi. She was a complicated mixture of sweetness, charm, sexiness, simple decency, and fear. He enjoyed her fun and intelligence and, most of the time, loved being with her. Her cynical wit didn’t fool him, and didn’t matter much. He knew it was a screen, a defense. And he couldn’t dismiss his hunch that there was a connection between Naomi and that girl at OLC, or that Naomi saw one.
He answered the telephone on the first ring, hoping it was the woman in his thoughts.
“Rufus, this is Jewel. I want you to think hard about this. What can be so unacceptable about Naomi if Preston and Sheldon are crazy in love with her? You know they aren’t friendly with strangers; in fact, they shy away from people they don’t know well. Talk, Rufus. It might help.”
He hesitated, understanding that his response to her could become his answer to himself. He knew with certainty only that he wanted Naomi, but he wasn’t foolish enough to let his libido decide anything for him. He thought for a moment and answered her as best he could.
“I’m not sure I know the answer, or even that she’s as important to me as you seem to think. She has some strangely contradictory traits, and this bothers me. But worry not, Sis; I’m on top of it.” He hung up, walked over to his bedroom window, and let the moonlight stream over him.
She’s got a hook in me, he admitted. I’ll swear I’m not going to have anything more to do with her, but when I’m with her I don’t want to leave her; when I see her, I want to hold her. But I’ve got my boys, and they come first.
He stripped and went to bed, but sleep eluded him. One thing was sure: if he didn’t have the boys, he’d be on his way to Bethesda, and the devil take the morrow.
Naomi unlocked her studio, threw her shoulder bag on her desk and opened the window a few inches. The sent of strong coffee wafted up from a nearby cafeteria, but she resisted retracing her steps to get some and settled for a cup of instant. She had barely slept the night before. Rufus had weighted the temptation of kissing her against the harm of doing it, and harm had won out. It wasn’t flattering no matter how you sliced it, especially since she had wanted that kiss. When had she last kissed a man, felt strong masculine arms around her? She knew she was being inconsistent, wanting Rufus while swearing never to get involved. Keeping the vow had been easy…until she’d first heard his voice. When she saw him, it was hopeless. She sipped the bland-tasting coffee slowly.
Images of him loving her and then walking away from her when he learned her secret had kept her tossing in bed all night. She’d finished reading his first book, The Family at Risk, and had been appalled at some of his conclusions: the family in American society had lost its usefulness as a source of nurturing, health care, education, and economic, social, and psychological support for the young. Spouses, he complained, had separate credit cards, separate bank accounts, and separate goals. Oneness was out of fashion. Homemaking as an occupation invited scorn, and women avoided it if they could. He claimed that the family lost its focal point when women went to work, and without them as its core, the family had no unity. She hadn’t realized how strongly he believed that women had a disproportionate responsibility for the country’s social ills. He wouldn’t accept her past, she knew, so she’d put him behind her.
She laughed at herself. She didn’t have such a big problem, just a simple matter of forgetting about Rufus. But what red-blooded woman would want to do that? It was useless to remain there staring at the stark white walls. “I’m going home and put on the most chic fall outfit in my closet,” she declared, “and then I’m going to lunch at the Willard Hotel.”
The maître d’ gave her a choice table with a clear view of the entrance. The low drone of voices and the posh room where lights flickered from dozens of crystal chandeliers offered the perfect setting for a trip into the past, but she savored her drink and resisted the temptation; wool gathering slowed down your life, she told herself. Suddenly, she felt the cool vintage wine halt its slow trickle down her throat, almost choking her, and heated tremors stole through her as Rufus walked toward her. But her excitement quickly dissolved into angst when his hand steadied the attractive woman who preceded him. He wasn’t alone.
The sight of the handsome couple deeply engrossed in serious conversation stung her, and she lowered her eyes to shield her reaction. She looked at the grilled salmon and green salad when the waiter brought it, and pushed it aside. She just wanted to get out of there. Aware that she had ruined the day for the little maître d’, she apologized, paid with her credit card, and stood to leave. A glance told her that Rufus was still there, still absorbed in his companion and their conversation. She took a deep breath, wrapped herself in dignity, and with her head high, marched past his table without looking his way.
The furious pace of her heartbeat alarmed her, and she decided it would be foolish to drive. Dinosaurs. This was a good time to see them. But on her way to the Smithsonian Institute, the crisp air and gentle wind lured her to the Tidal Basin, and she walked along the river, deep in thought. Why was she upset at seeing Rufus with another woman? There wasn’t anything between her and him, and there couldn’t be anything between them. Not ever. She took a few pieces of tissue from her purse, spread them out, and sat down. She could no longer deny that he was becoming important to her, so she braced her back against a tree and contemplated what to do about it.
“Even if you wanted to be alone, you didn’t have to pick such a deserted place. Are you looking for trouble?”