“I see.” He looked into the distance, took a deep breath and shook his head.
“You were twelve or so when I told you that. It was an explanation that a child could understand, but I see that it gave you the wrong impression. You see, I was crazy in love with your mother, but Linda was in love with someone else, and I knew it. I thought I could teach her to love me. For a while, she tried to make a go of it, but she never stopped loving him. The relationship between us got worse, much worse. She knew how much I loved her and, because she was miserable, she baited me and every conversation led to an argument. One day, she called me at work and said she wouldn’t be there when I got home and that I should tell you whatever I thought would make it easier for you.”
“And you never heard from her again?”
“Not once. I have a strong feeling that she went to the other man, Lyle Carter. I didn’t blame her for that. I knew she was in love with him, but I always worried about her because he could be cruel.” At her silence, he continued. “I know this is a lot for you to take in. Don’t hate her. She thought I would be her salvation, but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t make her forget him.”
“Do you still care about her after all these years?”
He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. “I won’t say I’m still in love with her. That ended long ago. But the pain’s still there. After all, she gave me you, and for that, I’ll always have feelings for her.”
“You’re right. I wasn’t expecting this.”
He sat forward and braced his hands on his knees. “I want you to listen to me because what I’m telling you is important. Go ahead and pursue your goal of becoming a diplomat, but if that’s all you accomplish in life, you won’t have a sense of fulfillment. You need friends, spiritual fulfillment and the love of a man who loves you. If you’re fortunate, you’ll have children. Give Judson Philips a chance.”
She thought about what her father had said for a minute and then spoke before thinking. “Why didn’t you give Annie a chance? She’s devoted her life to you.”
A smile played around his lips. “You’re a smart one. We settled that years ago. She was afraid people would think she was living in sin and refused to be seen with me outside of this house. I told her that I wouldn’t settle for a woman who was ashamed of me. No woman was going to hide me in her closet.”
Driving home that afternoon, Heather carried a weight on her mind that she hadn’t before. Her father was terminally ill. What she’d believed about her parents’ marriage was suddenly called into question. Her father and Annie cared for each other but were too stubborn to do anything about it. And the person she loved and respected most had challenged her to find out what kind of man Judson Philips might be. She could take his advice, or she could be stubborn. Stubbornness had always been a part of her makeup. She didn’t know what to do. Maybe she wouldn’t do anything.
By the time Heather arrived home, she admitted grudgingly that Judson was as likeable as he was attractive. She was accustomed to trusting her mind, but it wasn’t working properly because her father had unsettled her in a way that would have put Einstein in a quandary. “What the hell!” she said to herself as she unlocked the door of her apartment. “I’ll deal with it.”
More that ever, Judson felt an urge to know who he was. He was thirty-four years old, and the time would soon come when he would want to marry and raise a family. He figured he ought to know more about his background, if only for his children’s sake.
“I suspect I’m going to need all the financial resources I can muster,” he said to Scott when they spoke by phone Sunday evening.
“So you’re going to really pursue it, huh? A lot of adoption papers are sealed. It won’t be easy.”
He tapped the nightstand with his rubber eraser. “I’m going a different route. I believe I know where I was born, and I’ll take it from there. If I hit a blank wall, I’ll figure out something else. Right now, my gut instinct is to begin with the bits of information I have. I’ll be busy. I’ve taken on a new case and it’s going to be tough.”
“What’s the topic?”
“A radiology report that led to a misdiagnosis.”
“Did the patient die as a result?”
“No. The patient’s and the doctor’s reputations were injured. I’ll file suit in about six weeks.”
“You sound pretty confident.”
“There’s no guesswork.” He paused. “Have you seen Heather this week?”
“She was at work Friday. She told me she was worried about her dad.”
“I gathered as much the day I visited her. Gotta go.”
He hung up and dialed Heather’s number. “This is Judson,” he said when she answered. “How are you feeling?”
“Not much of my cold left, Judson. How are you?”
“I’m fine. How’s your dad?”
“I just left him. We had a good visit, but he told me that neither he nor his doctor expects his condition to improve. I had to keep a straight face. I didn’t want him to start worrying about me. But th-this is awful, Judson.”
“Believe me, I know. If you don’t have any plans, would you have dinner with me? I know it’s a last-minute invitation, but I want to see you. Maybe you’d feel better with some company.”
She didn’t hesitate. “I may not be good company, but if you think I won’t ruin your Sunday evening, okay. Give me about forty-five minutes.”
Just the kind of woman he liked. Not a hint of coyness. “I’ll be there at seven o’clock.” He hung up. Whether she agreed because of her mood, or because she liked his company was immaterial. She’d agreed to see him; he could handle the rest.
At least he’ll see me without a runny nose, Heather thought, rationalizing why she’d agreed to have dinner with Judson. She rarely got depressed, but her father and Annie were all she had, and the thought of losing her father was more than she was able to contemplate right now. She went to her closet and scanned it for anything that was attractive and red, a color that always made her feel outgoing and confident.
Her V-neck, sleeveless dress had a wide, multitiered skirt, and when she looked at herself in the full-length mirror, she thought of her college graduation.
“You’ve come a long way in a short time,” she said aloud. The doorbell rang. She looked down at her red toenails peeping through the straps of her three-inch heel, black patent-leather sandals and wondered what Judson would think of them. She was who she was. Tossing her head, she strolled to the door and opened it.
“Hi. You’re right on time. Come in.”
He handed her three calla lilies—red, purple and yellow—wrapped in cellophane and tied with a red ribbon. “Hi. How are you feeling?”
“I’m making it. These flowers are lovely. I think they’re precisely what I need. Just the right touch.”
“Thank you. I’ve chosen an Italian restaurant that specializes in seafood, but if you’d prefer something else, I have a couple of alternatives.”
“Excuse me a minute.” She went into the kitchen, put the flowers in a vase with water and returned with them. “I think I’ll put them in the living room on the coffee table. When I get back I’ll put them on my nightstand. And by the way, I love Italian food. Italian is always your best bet with me.”
“I’m glad to know that,” he said.
Heather grabbed a white cashmere sweater and joined him.
“Ready?” he asked.
She