“It’s about mortgages and promissory notes,” she replied, lifting the covering over the plate before her to reveal a dark, rich beef stew, with carrots and potatoes in thick gravy. It smelled nearly as good as the bread.
“Heaven spare me! And you didn’t fall asleep?”
“I enjoy research.”
“I dare say there are some people who enjoy having a tooth pulled, too,” MacLachlann reflected as he lifted a spoonful of stew.
Despite the necessity of getting along with him, both his tone and his words rankled. “Just as I suppose there are some people who enjoy drinking to excess.”
“I was never one of them.”
“Really?” she pointedly replied as he continued to eat with relish.
“I don’t deny I used to get drunk, and often. I deny that I ever enjoyed it.”
“Then why did you do it?”
He raised his eyes and regarded her with a disarming frankness. “To forget.”
What? she wanted to ask. What did he want to forget? His family? Some past misdeed? A woman?
But if she asked and he answered with that apparent honesty, she might find herself caring about him.
He looked down at his food. “I was a fool, wallowing in self-pity and blaming all my misfortunes on others—the gamesters who won what money I had, my supposed friends who deserted me when I had nothing left. My father, who never liked me. The rest of my family, with whom I had nothing in common. I believe I even blamed my mother for dying when I was a child. It was easier to do that than admit that I’d made terrible mistakes. Then one night I found myself on Tower Bridge, alone, drunk, penniless, thinking I would do the world a favor if I jumped and never surfaced.”
He raised his eyes to look at her again. “That’s when your brother found me. He’d heard I was in London from one of my false friends he was representing, and sought me out.
He took me to an inn, bought me dinner, told me he wanted my help, and that he would pay me for it. I’ve never gotten drunk since.”
As MacLachlann made this unexpected confession, Esme discovered she could no longer meet his steadfast gaze. She’d always thought he felt no shame and no remorse for his wasted youth. How wrong she’d been! She’d never heard such sincere regret.
Yet all the answer she dared make to his confession was a subdued “Oh.”
If she said more, what might she confess? That she’d never seen such excellent accounts? That she thought he was astonishingly handsome? That when she heard him laugh, she wanted to laugh, too? That she’d been overwhelmed with desire when he kissed her in the coach?
“Finished?” he asked, his voice as casual as if they’d been discussing the price of tea.
As hers ought to be, despite the rapid beating of her heart. “Yes,” she said, pushing the plate away.
MacLachlann rose and went to the bell pull by the small hearth to summon a servant, then returned. “I don’t expect you to understand why I drank,” he said quietly, regarding her with a furrowed brow. “I don’t imagine you’ve ever done anything wrong in your life.”
She couldn’t meet his gaze, and she couldn’t lie. “Once I stole a shilling from Jamie. I felt so guilty, I never spent it. I still have it, in a box in my room at home.”
Even now the guilt of that small sin tore at her and made her feel ashamed. Nevertheless, she risked a glance at MacLachlann, to see him smiling with delight. “Dear me, I’m consorting with a criminal!”
While what she’d done was no great crime, she immediately regretted having revealed her secret.
MacLachlann stopped smiling. “Good God, I think you feel worse about that than I do about …” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “Some of the things I’ve done that are much worse. I do appreciate your confidence, little plum cake,” he said, “and rest assured, your secret is safe with me.”
He spoke so earnestly, she was sure he would keep her confidence.
Although that was a relief, she couldn’t help wondering why he was suddenly being so kind, so sincere, so serious and chivalrous. And why was she finding it so easy to believe that he was being honest about keeping her secret, and that he really would?
As she looked into his eyes, trying to decide if she could truly trust him, another unwelcome knock heralded the arrival of a servant to take away the tray.
As MacLachlann wordlessly waited, Esme reached for her book and pretended to read. She was trying to act as if nothing extraordinary had happened, and as if she stayed with a man—a handsome, compelling, seductive man—every night.
After the servant had gone, she held her breath, expecting MacLachlann to leave, too.
He didn’t. He sat in the chair across from her, and he didn’t say a word.
His silence was tense and unnerving, filling her with uncertainty and stress, because … because he was there. Watching her.
Finally, after reading the same paragraph five times, she’d had enough. She closed her book and said, “I’d like to retire.”
“Please do,” he replied as he stretched his long legs out in front of him.
“I wish to go to sleep,” she added pointedly.
“So do I.”
“You should go below until I’m in bed. Then you may return and sleep on the floor. You can have the blanket.”
“How very generous. However, I’ve seen quite enough of the taproom and its patrons for today, especially if you’re expecting me to sleep on the floor.”
“Where else could you—?”
His gaze flicked to the bed.
Good heavens! “Never!” she cried, jumping up. “Not here and not in Edinburgh, either!”
“Calm yourself, Miss McCallan,” he said, rising as well. “I have absolutely no desire to make love with you tonight, or ever.”
She believed that, too, and felt a most ridiculous pang of disappointment.
And although there was no obvious change to his expression, she had the sudden horrible feeling that he could sense that disappointment.
She immediately straightened her shoulders. “If you did touch me, I would have you charged with attempted rape.”
“I doubt that,” he said as he went to the door. “That would mean telling the world we aren’t really married.”
With his hand on the latch, he paused and looked back at her, his expression enigmatic. “Good night, little plum cake.”
After he was gone, Esme sat on the bed and rubbed her temples. Even for Jamie’s sake, how was she ever going to endure this untenable situation with the most insolent, infuriating man in Britain?
Who tempted her beyond reason.
It seemed MacLachlann might be regretting his revelations, for he apparently had no more desire to converse than she did as they continued their journey north to Scotland. Unfortunately, she couldn’t easily ignore him. During the day, when MacLachlann hunched in the corner of the carriage, either asleep or staring moodily out the window, she could fill her mind with legal precedents and possible scenerios that could explain the earl’s financial distress; at night, though, when they stopped at an inn and had to play their roles of husband and wife, it proved more difficult to pretend he wasn’t there.
At least MacLachlann never again made a fuss about sleeping on the floor. Every night, he went below while she prepared to retire, then returned when she was already in bed and presumably asleep.
But