Mary cast an assessing glance his way. “Now why was I certain you would ask me that very question as soon as the door closed behind Mr. Goodwin?” She lifted her hands and pulled out the pin holding her hat in place. “There! That is much better. I told Madame Duval these long ties would be annoying. But she insisted it was the latest style.”
James frowned. “And why did I know you would avoid answering me? If you are disappointed, Mary—if St. Louis is less than you expected—it would be best for you to return home now.” He flushed beneath her steady gaze. “I mean, rather than to unpack and have to go through all that work again.”
“How very sensible and considerate. But I had no expectations, James. Only an intense desire to leave Winston Blackstone behind. And every other man living in Philadelphia who knows father is wealthy, as well.” Her facial muscles went taut. She hated herself for believing Winston Blackstone’s lies. For opening herself up to be hurt by his perfidy.
She turned and dropped her hat onto the seat of a Windsor chair sitting beside the fireplace. It gave her a reason to turn her back on the sympathy in James’s eyes. She should not have mentioned Winston. She hastened to change the subject. “And, in truth, I find St. Louis intriguing. Did you notice all those rough-looking, buckskin-clad men? And the Indians roaming about the levee mingling with the people? Do you suppose they are dangerous?”
“I am quite certain they can be.”
She heard James move, listened to his footsteps draw close. She removed her gloves and tossed them down by her hat.
“Winston did not mean to hurt you, Mary. He did not mean for you to ever know about Victoria. He was doing the honorable thing and telling her goodbye.”
Mary clenched her hands into fists. She had avoided talking about Winston ever since the night of the party. But James persisted. Perhaps if she explained he would stop trying to make her talk about what had happened. And perhaps it would cleanse her mind of the memories, free her to move on with her new life.
She turned around and studied her brother’s face. “Why are you so determined to discuss Winston, James? You have been trying to do so our entire journey. Did Mother and Father charge you with the task?” She squared her shoulders and lifted her hand to stop his reply. “No matter. I will bow to your wishes and we shall discuss Winston and the entire sordid situation—” she pointed one long, tapering finger toward the ceiling “—once. But do not dare defend him to me. Do not stand before me and call his actions honorable.”
The word scorched her tongue, seared her heart. She took refuge from her pain in a sudden burst of anger. Allowed the heat of it to carry her words beyond the lump of hurt in her throat. “I saw Winston with Victoria in the gardens, James. And, I assure you, there was nothing lofty or honorable in their embrace. Nor did the ardor of his kisses speak goodbye—except to the announcement of our betrothal.” She lifted her chin and hid her trembling hands in the deep folds of her long skirt. “At least I was spared the humiliation of a public betrayal. Although everyone present that evening did suspect the reason for the party was to announce our future marriage.”
“Mary, I had no idea!” James hurried to her. “Why did you not tell us you had witnessed Winston and Victoria embracing in the gardens?” He reached to pull her close.
She stepped back and shook her head. If he put his arms around her, she would burst into tears. “And have all my family pity me even more? As you are doing now?” She turned away, brushed a stray lock of hair off her cheek. “It changed nothing that I saw Winston’s betrayal with my own eyes.”
“I suppose that is true. Though it may make it more difficult for you to forgive him.”
“Forgive him?” She pivoted, stared up at him. “You are not serious, James?”
“Yes, I am.” He stepped closer. “Listen, Mary. When you refused to see him before we left, Winston came to me and explained the entire situation. He confessed it was only after losing you that he realized how much he cared for you. He begged me to plead his case with you. Of course, I refused. But he convinced me that he is genuinely distraught at losing you.” Warmth from his hands penetrated the fabric of her gown as he took hold of her shoulders. “Mary, Winston loves you and wants you back. He wants you to come home to Philadelphia and marry him. It is that which I have been trying to tell you the entire journey.”
“He—He said—And you—” Her throat closed on the words. Mary dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands, fighting a sense of betrayal that was not fair to her brother. He did not know the entire story. She took a breath, held it, released it slowly. “I know you wish only what is best for me, James. And I thank you for that. Truly. But do not be swayed by Winston’s persuasive powers. His only regret is in losing the generous dowry Father offered for me. It would have cleared all his debts. I know, for I not only saw Winston with Victoria, I heard him as well.” She lifted her hand and tapped his chest. “Winston’s pocketbook chose me, James. His heart chose Victoria.” She made herself look at him and forced the rest of it out of her constricted throat. “And, as he said to her, ‘What man would not choose her petite, blond beauty and sweet nature over my dark, angular plainness and bold, forthright ways were debt not an issue?’”
Anger darkened James’s face. His chest swelled beneath her hand as he sucked in air. She blinked the sting of tears from her eyes and shook her head. “Do not say more, James. Please. Do not make useless protests. Winston’s words only confirmed what I have known all my life. I am aware of how I appear in comparison to other women. It has always been so. Mother and Sarah shine like golden jewels. But it is only Father’s wealth that gives me beauty and luster in men’s eyes. And I, like every woman, want to—to be a jewel in the eyes of the man I love. Me—not Father’s money. I want to marry a man who loves and values me for myself. And I will settle for no less.”
“You are wrong, Mary!” James tightened his grip, gave her a gentle shake. “You are a lovely and desirable woman. And Winston Blackstone is a fool! As am I for believing him. He does not deserve you.”
She touched her fingers to his lips, saw the hurt for her in his eyes, and forced a smile. “You are a wonderful, loyal brother, James. But please, do not be concerned for me. Perhaps somewhere there is a man—even here in St. Louis—who will see me as a jewel. And with no one here knowing who our father is, should such a man declare his love for me, I will be certain he cares for me alone. That is why it is so perfect that no one here knows of our father’s wealth. And if that does not happen—” she took another breath “—I will yet be glad I came. For I would far rather be a spinster than a bargain. Now…we shall never mention Winston Blackstone again.” She raised her face, kissed his cheek and spun away. “Shall we explore our new home?”
“That shan’t take long.”
The wry humor was forced. Mary sent James a look of gratitude for accepting the change of subject and picked up her hat and gloves. “Shall we start with the upstairs? I want to put this ridiculous hat away.”
Chapter Three
Her first full day in her new home. Mary heaved a sigh and looked around her. What was she to do with her gowns? Her dressing room at home was larger than this bedroom. And her bedroom was—No. No complaints. Not even to herself. She had begged to come to St. Louis with James, and her parents had granted her wishes. She would not turn into a whining scold because of a few lost comforts.
She marched to the cupboard built into the niche on the left side of the fireplace and opened the door. There was room for five, perhaps six dresses, plus her nightgown and robe. She turned, fisted her hands on her hips and nibbled at the left inside corner of her top lip.