I finally understood why Edward had ended our relationship. Why he’d been so determined not to love me.
It was so he’d never have to feel like this.
“Are you ready, madam?” I heard the driver’s voice at the door. “Shall I bring your suitcase down?”
My hand closed to a fist against the window. Turning slowly, I gave him a shake of my head. “I’ll do it myself.”
“Very good, madam.”
Squaring my shoulders, I wiped my eyes. I’d thought I could teach Edward something about love. Instead, he’d taught me.
Love is a suckers’ game. The only way to win is not to play.
With a deep breath, I picked up my suitcase. I’d never weep over Edward again, I vowed. All that mattered now was our baby. No.
My baby.
“OUT HERE AGAIN?”
Looking up, I smiled when I saw my stepfather in front of the pink bougainvillea of the garden.
“I had the morning off,” I replied. “Jason’s coming to pick me up in an hour.”
“Always so busy.” Howard gave a mock sigh. “I should have gotten you to work as a zombie when I had the chance.”
“Sorry.” My smile lifted to a grin. “You’ll have to ask my agent now.”
The web series had been as good a launch as Jason had thought it would be. In just four-and-a-half months, I’d started to have a real career. I wasn’t a movie star like Madison—not even close—but it turned out I had lots of friends who were anxious to see me succeed for no other reason than that they liked me. I had already expanded into commercials, doing character roles and bit parts on television shows. It was enjoyable at times, at other times mind-numbingly boring. If it wasn’t quite the ecstatic dream I’d thought it would be, it at least had given me something to do after I left my real dream behind in London.
Or to be more accurate, he’d left me.
“Must be hard to be so popular,” Howard grumbled. Then, as he looked around, a smile spread across his tanned, wrinkled face. “You’ve made the garden come to life again. It’s exactly how Hannah had it.”
“Thanks.” I leaned back on my haunches, brushing dirt off my gardening gloves as I surveyed the red and yellow roses. At nearly seven months’ pregnant, my belly was so large now that I had to brace myself so I didn’t lose balance and topple over.
For the past four-and-a-half months, since I returned to California, I’d lived in my childhood bedroom at Howard’s house, a white colonial in Beverly Hills. Whenever I wasn’t working, I spent time in my mother’s old garden behind the house. In April, I’d enjoyed feeling the sunlight on my face, and now it was late July, I relished the cool shade.
I was home, I told myself. I didn’t let myself think about Cornwall anymore, or how happy I’d been at Penryth Hall.
I looked up gratefully at my stepfather. “Thanks for letting me stay here so long. When I asked to visit, you had no idea I’d be moving in permanently,” I added, only half joking.
“Listen.” He reached out to pat my shoulder. “Every single day I have you here, with a grandbaby on the way, is a blessing.” Howard looked wistfully at the roses. “You’ve started a new career, a new life,” he said gruffly. “Your mother would have been so happy about the baby. And so proud of you, Diana.”
I felt a lump rise to my throat. “Thanks, Howard.”
Funny to think now that I hadn’t always liked him. I hadn’t wanted anyone to replace my dad, and the two men were so different. My dad had been quiet and studious, caring and careful. Howard Lowe was brash and loud, and never afraid to yell—especially at actors—or start a fight.
But beneath his bluster, Howard had loved my mother more than life, and he’d taken me under his wing from the beginning, when I was a sad eleven-year-old, bookish and quiet compared to his own daughter Madison, the result of his earlier short marriage to an actress.
Swallowing, I looked from the pinks and reds and yellows of the roses, to the more exotic flowers beneath wide cypress, pine and palm trees. “You’ve been so kind to me. I feel bad, with Madison giving you the silent treatment for it....”
He made a dismissive gesture. “Who’s to say she is? She’s busy in Mongolia. And if she’s mad that I’m letting you stay here, she’ll have to get over it. We’re family.”
I shook my head. “She’ll never forgive me for ruining her relationship with Jason.”
“Hush. If it was so easy to ruin, it wasn’t much of a relationship.” He patted my arm. “I’m glad you’re here, Diana. Don’t rush into leaving. Especially with Jason Black. I don’t think much about a man who keeps changing his mind which sister he wants to marry.”
“Howard, you know Jason and I are just friends!”
“Sure, I know that. I’m just not sure he does.”
I sighed. After we’d wrapped the web series, Jason had taken me out often, whenever he had time off from the superhero movie he was filming in Century City. After the scandal of last year, the paparazzi had a field day with this latest development, and they’d followed us constantly, photographing us doing boring things like drinking lattes at a café. Last week we’d been on the cover of multiple celebrity gossip magazines. Madison Lowe Love Triangle, one headline screamed. Madison’s Pregnant Stepsister Strikes Back with Baby Daddy Jason Black!
I’d writhed when I read it. So much for trying to avoid the paparazzi, and maintain a dignified silence.
“Just tell everyone it’s mine,” Jason had urged. “It will be, after we’re married.”
“We’re not getting married, Jason,” I’d said, rolling my eyes. “We’re friends. Just friends.”
But did he really accept that?
I sighed in irritation, remembering. “Love is a suckers’ game,” I grumbled to Howard.
I suddenly realized who I was quoting. I didn’t love Edward anymore. Instead, I’d become him.
“Okay, okay.” Howard held up his hands. “Whatever. I’m staying out of it. But look.” His expression turned ferocious, his gray eyebrows bushy and fierce. “I don’t know what the deal was with your baby’s father, or why you decided it would be a mistake to tell him about the pregnancy....”
“I don’t want to—”
“Yeah, I know you don’t like to talk about it. But take it from an old man. Life is short. It passes by in a blink. Even if the guy’s every kind of jerk, he at least deserves a shot at knowing his kid.”
I wished I’d never told Howard so much. Edward had made me love him as I’d never loved anyone. He’d filled me with his child. He’d made me so happy.
But he hadn’t wanted me. He hadn’t wanted any of it. Love. Children. Happiness.
Bluebirds soared above my mother’s garden, singing as they lifted higher into the cloudless blue sky. Something caught in my throat, and I looked away. “He told me he didn’t ever want a child. I was doing him a favor.”
“People can change. Sometimes for better than you can imagine. He deserved the chance.” He looked at me and said softly, “Your mom would have said the same.”
I gave a soft gasp. Bringing Mom into it was punching below the belt.