He pushed the jumble of emotions to one side and pulled out his phone and dialled, still unable to believe he’d been told what he should do by the brother he’d only just met. He did, however, agree with him. Memories of his mother and all she’d been through while pregnant with his little half-sister, Angelina, rushed at him. Lisa would see a doctor, his doctor, and then he intended to take her to his home in the suburbs of London, even if that meant dragging her kicking and screaming.
The call connected. ‘I’d like to make an appointment for my wife, who is eight weeks pregnant and feeling unwell.’
He saw the confusion and shock on Lisa’s face as she registered what he was doing, but right now he didn’t care what she thought. All he wanted to do was ensure she was well, that the symptoms were nothing more than to be expected in the early stages of pregnancy.
The very word, pregnancy, struck through him like a sword of fear, reminding him he would be responsible for another human being for evermore, that he would have to somehow find a way past the hurt his father had inflicted on him and connect with that child. But would it be enough? Would his child grow up resenting him as he had his father?
‘I don’t need to see anyone,’ Lisa protested as an appointment time was given to him for later that afternoon.
He ended the call. ‘You will see a doctor this afternoon for a scan and that is not negotiable.’
‘Why are you doing this?’ Lisa looked at him, sparks of anger in her eyes. ‘What are you trying to prove and to who?’
‘I have nothing to prove, other than to you, it seems. You are my wife, Lisa, and now you are carrying my child so we shall live together once more. We crossed the boundary of professionalism and must now deal with the consequences.’
He watched as a myriad emotions danced across her face, sending a stab of guilt through him, but this wasn’t about the two of them any more, this was about a new life—his child.
‘I can’t do that, Max, not after you walked out on me. What happens when you feel the same again? Am I to stand by and watch you hurt our child? You of all people should understand that.’
The pleading in her voice only increased the fury that erupted like a volcano around him. Was she saying he wasn’t capable of being a father? He bit down hard on the bitter taste of the truth, knowing that was exactly what he himself had thought. There was no way he would allow Lisa to know his uncertainties.
‘We should have thought about that before spending a night together.’ He was angry at her, at himself. ‘But fate has seen fit to bring us together once more and this time it will not be so easy for either of us to walk away, not when our child needs us—both of us.’
If only his father had had those thoughts before he’d indulged in the affair with his mother, before he’d sired two sons within months. If only wouldn’t help and he was damn sure he wouldn’t be like his father. Whatever it took, he would be there for his child and right now that meant taking Lisa to see a doctor and reassuring himself that she and the baby were well.
‘Why don’t I believe you?’ Her voice had softened and he sensed she was giving in.
‘Whatever happened in our past has to be put aside, Lisa, for our child’s sake.’ He lowered his voice and moved a little closer to her, pleased she was no longer standing rigid as if preparing for battle. If anything she looked as if she wanted to be kissed, to be reminded of the passion that had brought them together so spectacularly in the first place.
‘But can you really do that for a child you so obviously don’t want? Can you rise to the challenge of fatherhood?’ She looked up at him and her eyes glittered, not with the anger of earlier, but if he wasn’t mistaken with unshed tears.
‘I am not going to deny that it will be a challenge, that it is the one thing I never wanted,’ he began, choosing his words carefully, just as she had. Using the word challenge had been strategic to say the least and now he would take on that challenge. ‘But I will be there for my child, Lisa.’
‘And what about me, our marriage? Us?’ He refused to be slain by the guilt her words propelled at him and instead reached out to push her hair back from her face, allowing the backs of his fingers to brush down her cheek. Her lashes fluttered and very briefly her eyes closed. Then the moment was gone. The in-control Lisa was back in play. ‘There is no us.’
‘Once there was and there will be again, for our child’s sake. We should spend Christmas together.’ He looked into her eyes as he spoke, recalling all the plans they’d made during their first Christmas as a married couple when they had been on honeymoon in the sunshine. He’d learnt his new bride longed for a traditional Christmas in a cottage complete with log fires, but he’d never envisaged spending their next Christmas like this.
She stepped back from him and his touch, determination in her eyes. ‘I will give you until New Year’s Eve, by which time I am sure you will be asking, no, demanding that I leave—and I will.’
There was fierceness in her voice, but it matched the strength that ran through him. She’d laid down the gauntlet, challenged him to be the one thing he’d never wanted to be. Was she pushing him, using tactics to force him to look his past in the eye and own it?
‘New Year’s Eve?’
‘Yes,’ she said firmly.
‘Very well, we have a deal. We will remain man and wife—until New Year’s Eve.’
FOR THE LAST two days Lisa had followed the doctor’s advice and had rested. She’d given into Max’s demands and stayed at his apartment, the one they’d lived in as a married couple, which played more than she cared to admit on her nerves. Max had veered from being tense, more like an animal confined to a cage it didn’t want to be in, to showing concern for her. Today, with just two more days until Christmas Eve, Lisa was beginning to regret agreeing to stay until New Year’s Eve. It seemed so far away.
She knew Max wasn’t going to change. He didn’t have any feelings for her. Never had. That was why their marriage had failed. He couldn’t give her his love so would he be able to love his child? She really hoped he could after he’d given her a small hope that they could be the perfect family she’d yearned for since she’d seen how families really lived, and loved, when she’d gone to stay with her best friend at school.
Memories of Max’s words, just six months ago, took her back to the day those dreams had crashed around her. It had been at a glamorous summer party in the grounds of a sumptuous house and they had been talking with friends. Friends who had casually dropped into conversation the question of children. As they’d walked away she’d turned and smiled up at him, but the dark look on his face had halted any words.
He’d stood there, with clenched hands and glittering dark eyes. ‘I can’t give you what you want, Lisa.’
‘What is it I want?’ Instinct of self-preservation had as usual kicked in and she’d instantly hidden away behind her defence wall.
‘Love and happy ever after.’ The words were forced out between gritted teeth. ‘That’s what you want, isn’t it?’
‘Of course it is.’ That had been her response then and it was still the same now.
‘I want love, Max, and a happy ever after, which now includes children, and it seems that you are not the man to live this dream with.’ A spike of hurt charged through her, but she kept her righteous stance. ‘You were right. We should not have married.’
Fog clouded over the memories of the day her world had fallen apart and, fed up with resting, Lisa got up from the chair and picked