‘I didn’t want responsibility either for the people of Barazbin or for you. I didn’t want to desire you or make you truly my wife because you represented all that I resented.’
His harsh words hit hard and she blinked in shock. He really did dislike her and certainly hated the fact that they had been forced to marry. As soon as she could she would leave this country, this man, and go back home to Paris.
‘I had no knowledge of what my father was doing,’ she pushed on, needing to clear her name, but not wanting to cause any problems for her mother. It wasn’t going to be achievable, judging from the look on Kazim’s face.
He got up and marched away from her, pacing across the carpet so fast it was as if he would at any moment walk out beyond the tent and into the desert, which she was quickly realising was his mistress.
He turned to her, anger evident in the rigidity of his stance. ‘You should have told me.’
Her eyes widened in shock. This was the last thing she’d expected to hear from him and she could barely stammer out the words. ‘I couldn’t...my mother...’ she stammered, feeling as if she was losing her footing.
‘Don’t try and tell me you didn’t know anything about it, that your mother was the one who told you.’
‘I didn’t.’ Her words were a strangled whisper, his nearness and the shock of his accusation clamping tightly on her throat. He didn’t believe anything she said and never had.
The blackness of his eyes darkened and the intensity of his gaze became too much and she moved away from him, walking across the carpet as he had just done. Beneath her feet the sand moved, reminding her just how volatile the peace they’d recently shared actually was.
‘But you still didn’t tell me.’ It wasn’t a question, but a statement. One filled with regret. ‘You had plenty of opportunity to tell me on the drive here.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t realise the importance or significance of what I’d learnt and then you talked of your father. The time didn’t feel right.’ She wished now she’d insisted she had something important to say, but he’d opened up to her, let her into his world, just for a moment.
‘That was a discussion you forced on me.’ He gritted his teeth and she knew she was pushing him too far, but suddenly she realised she had to.
Here in this tent, with a sandstorm threatening, she had to force him to face up to his emotions. Maybe then there would be a future together, but if there wasn’t she had at least tried. Once and for all she had to admit what was between them. It was up to her, it seemed, to decide just what it was. Suddenly nothing was more important. She had to know what it meant to her, as well as Kazim.
‘You lock everyone out, Kazim. Why?’
His breathing deepened but he remained where he was, glaring at her.
‘Don’t try to analyse my emotions, Amber. That is a game you will not win.’
‘This is not a game. This is real.’ She moved towards him so that she stood close enough to feel the heat from his body, hear the deep breaths he took.
‘Be very careful, Amber.’ He growled out the words. ‘You might find you’re taking on more than you can handle.’
‘I can handle this,’ she snapped, glad that the simmering tension was finally about to boil over. ‘I’m telling you I knew nothing of the money you have been sending to my father. If I did I would never have worked in that club or lived in that flat and it would have been me helping Annie and Claude—me, not you.’
The tirade rushed from her like an avalanche, gathering speed and power as it went until her heart raced and her head throbbed.
His eyes narrowed in suspicion but before he could say anything she pushed on.
‘I admit I came with you to Barazbin because you were going to help Claude, and that I intended to go back to Paris as soon as I could. But I also came because I needed to explore what is between us and because, deep down, I wanted to.’
‘You wanted to?’ He looked at her in complete disbelief. ‘That is as far from the truth as you can possibly get. As soon as I found you in that club you were talking of a divorce.’
‘Because I thought that was what you wanted.’ The wind seemed to rush at the tent but she didn’t take her eyes from his. ‘You rejected me, Kazim, and I will never forget how that felt. I tried to be what you wanted, but it wasn’t enough. The disgust in your eyes nearly killed me.’
It also nearly killed my love for you.
‘I didn’t expect my wife to come with a baggage of scandal.’ The words snapped from him but she didn’t care. The lines of communication had at last been opened. If nothing else, she would find out why he’d turned her away so brutally.
‘But I thought...’ What had she thought? That he’d been so enraged to find out she was an inexperienced virgin, he’d turned her away?
‘What did you think?’ he asked.
‘That a man like you would want a more interesting wife.’
‘No.’ He shook his head and took hold of her arms, pulling her closer and forcing her to look up at him. ‘I wanted my wife to be mine and mine alone. I know now that you are. Despite the many months we’ve been apart, you have always been mine.’
This was too much. Her heart began to swoop and soar with hope. Was he opening his heart to her, allowing her in?
‘Yes, I have,’ she said, scarcely above a whisper. ‘I always have, Kazim. I love you.’
KAZIM REELED BACK in shock, abruptly letting her go. Had he heard her right? Amber loved him? He looked at her face, so beautiful in the soft light from the lanterns, and that new and all too familiar tightness gripped his chest. As he continued to stand, silent from the shock of those words, anxiety leapt to her eyes. He wished he could take it away but he couldn’t, not when he was still unable to believe she meant those words. She hadn’t told him one truth yet.
He stepped back a pace, needing distance from her, from her words. What did she have to gain by lying? Had she said the one thing he never wanted to hear to deliberately anger him? Was this her way of extricating herself from the marriage? Pushing him to the edge?
‘That’s not possible.’ He stepped back further, unable to deal with her latest little lie or the emotions it unleashed within him. He had never wanted to hear those words said to him again. They meant nothing. His past had taught him they were words used to inflict pain—they were weapons. They were also words he never intended to say to anyone. Never. Love, if it did exist, was not for him.
‘Why not?’ Her throaty whisper sounded sexy. Too sexy. A rush of lust throbbed inside him, totally contradicting the shock that still surrounded him.
She walked towards him, her soft brown eyes intently watching his face. He wanted to turn and march away from her. But where was there to go? The wind still wailed beyond the tent, even if the rebels had gone. He was trapped.
His gaze lingered on her slender figure and the way the deep red silk wrapped around her body. She’d changed, casting off the jeans and blouse she’d opted to travel in, but he dismissed the idea that it was for him. The red silk shimmered as she took a step towards him and seemed to give her a regal power he’d never noticed before. She stopped, her eyes intently watching his face, waiting for his answer.
What should he say? I don’t want love—from you or anyone. No, that was getting too close to the truth. Just the thought of saying that aloud made him feel vulnerable.
‘Why not?’ He repeated