In that moment she knew deep down that she wanted to be with Jack, she loved him and it was worth risking her heart if it meant she got the chance to be with him again.
But would Jack still want her after all she’d put him through?
There was only one way to find out.
She was going to have to go home and ask him.
* * *
His house, which had come alive with the addition of Emma’s vibrant presence, felt still and vacant without her.
Lying awake until the early hours, tossing and turning in his empty bed, Jack relived the way Emma had rebuffed his affection with such vehement dismissal over and over again.
His stomach ached with misery as he finally gave up on sleep and made his way to his office at three in the morning.
He spent the rest of the early hours working on a project that had taken second place in his attention ever since Emma had reappeared in his life. Keeping busy had helped him the last time she’d left him, for a while at least, but it didn’t seem to hold the same restorative powers any more.
Where was his wife?
He pictured her sleeping on one of her friends’ sofas, getting on with her life without him. Going back to work for some idiot like Fitzherbert again. Keeping him well and truly out of the picture, only to turn up one day with divorce papers in her hands.
Finally, giving up on the hope of concentrating on anything else, he went to lie on the sofa and put the television on, staring at the news channel with unseeing eyes until exhaustion finally overtook him and dragged him into a restless sleep.
He woke a few hours later with a start, blearily checking his phone to realise with a shock that it was lunchtime.
Pulling himself into a sitting position, he was just about to haul himself up and go and make some strong coffee in the kitchen when a movement in the corner of his eye made him start in surprise.
Jumping to his feet, he turned to see Emma standing in the doorway, looking at him with a hesitant smile.
‘You came back,’ was all he could utter past the huge lump in his throat, the unexpected sight of her standing there in front of him making him stupid with relief.
She walked tentatively into the room towards him, as if she wasn’t sure what sort of reaction to expect. ‘I’m so sorry I left, Jack.’ She visibly swallowed. ‘I was scared. Terrified to let myself love you again.’ Breaking eye contact, she turned to glance out of the window, and let out a low laugh. ‘Not that I ever really stopped.’
He stared at her, not sure whether to believe what he was hearing in case his addled brain was playing cruel tricks on him.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked shakily, turning back, her nose wrinkled with worry.
He continued to stare at her, only becoming aware that he was frowning when he noticed the anxiety in her expression.
Finally managing to pull himself together, he walked to meet her in the middle of the room and raised his hand to touch her soft cheek with his fingertips.
‘Are you really here?’ he murmured.
She laughed quietly and he saw relief in her face. ‘It looks like I woke you. Did you sleep on the sofa all night?’ she asked, her eyes clouding with concern.
He glanced back towards the rumpled cushions. ‘Er...no. I couldn’t sleep so I got up and worked, then I dozed off in here this morning.’ He shook his head, trying to clear it. ‘Where did you go?’
‘To France. To see my mother.’
He nodded. ‘Did you tell her about us?’
She smiled sheepishly. ‘I did. She was really supportive. She basically told me to stop being such an idiot and to come back to the man I love.’
* * *
Emma couldn’t help but smile at the almost comical look of relief on Jack’s face.
‘I guess I owe you an explanation about what got me so spooked,’ she said, waiting until he’d nodded before continuing.
She played with a loose thread on the sleeve of her jumper, summoning the courage to speak.
‘I think losing you and my father in such quick succession must have damaged me on a fundamental level.’
She rubbed a hand over her face, letting out a low sigh.
‘Ever since then I’ve been terrified of putting myself in a position where I have to trust my heart to someone again.’
He looked down at her with a small pinch between his brows. ‘I understand that, Emma. It makes total sense after everything you’ve been through.’
‘When it looked like it might be possible to have you again I panicked,’ she said with a sad smile. ‘I wanted you so much it scared me. I think I was afraid to be happy in case it was all whipped away from me again.’
She took a deep shaky breath.
‘You know, the day we got married I couldn’t quite believe I could be so lucky as to have you. You were everything I’d ever wanted and when I looked at you I could see a bright shiny future shimmering in front of me. And then when it was whisked away from under my nose I sincerely wondered whether I was being punished for something. Up till then I’d led such a charmed life and just taken and taken without appreciating how much I had. Perhaps I was being penalised for my selfishness?’
‘You weren’t being selfish, you were living the life you’d been dealt and what happened was just really bad luck. It wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.’
He sighed and frowned down at the floor, then looked up at her again with one eyebrow cocked.
‘Pretending we were happily reconciled to everyone was a ridiculous thing to put ourselves through,’ he said with a sigh. ‘We should have been braver and talked about how we really felt, honestly and openly, instead of hiding and pretending there wasn’t anything between us any more.’
He ran a hand through his hair, then scrubbed it across his face.
‘I don’t know what I was thinking, imagining I could have you living here, so close, without it driving me crazy with longing for you.’
Reaching out for her, he slid his hands around her waist and drew her nearer to him.
‘Let’s make a pact to deal with anything that comes at us together from this point on. We can take things as slowly as you like—take time to get to know each other properly again. I’m more than prepared to do that, Em. I just want you back in my life.’
There was a heavy beat of silence where they stared into each other’s eyes.
‘I love you, Emma,’ Jack murmured.
She smiled as joy flooded through her. ‘You really still love me after what I’ve just put you through?’
‘Are you kidding? I’ve never not loved you.’
He gave her a squeeze. ‘I’m in awe of you and what you’ve achieved on your own—what you must have gone through to pay off those debts and what you’ve given up to do that. A lesser person would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. But you didn’t and I have the utmost respect for you for that.’
She cupped his jaw in her hands, feeling his unshaven bristles tickling her palms. ‘Thank you for saying that. It means a lot.’
She felt his chin slide beneath her touch as he turned his head until his lips came into contact with her palm. He kissed her there lightly, before turning back to look at her again.
‘You know I’ll support you in whatever you want to do, don’t you?’