But that hurt most of all. He tried never to think of his mother, to remember the look of weary defeat on her face, the words she’d said to him, too exhausted by life to be spiteful. They’d been simple truth.
‘I wish I’d never had you.’
No, he didn’t want to think of that. And he didn’t want his daughter to wonder, even for a day, a minute, if he felt that way about her. He would love Ella the way his mother and father had never loved him. And he would build a marriage with Mia that would be better than the candyfloss froth of fairy tales, a solid relationship of affection and companionship without losing control or being vulnerable the way his mother had been. The way he’d so often felt, as a child.
And yet he recognised, as Mia slept in his arms, that he’d already lost control, in some small but elemental way. Already he’d been more open and vulnerable, more emotional, with her than he ever had with anyone before…not that she would recognise that.
He still did, and it unsettled him. He’d never told anyone about his parents, or how he’d felt as a child. Already she knew more about him than anyone else, ever.
Somehow he was going to have to find a way to have the family he wanted without losing himself in the process. He could not relinquish the solitary independence he’d cultivated since he could remember. He didn’t know who he would be without it. And yet he wanted Mia and Ella in his life. He wanted the three of them to be a family.
He must have slept, because bright sunlight was visible underneath the rim of the shades as he stirred in bed, Mia wrapped even more tightly in his arms. In her sleep she’d rolled over to him, and now she was squashed up next to him so he could feel every delectable line and curve of her warm, warm body.
Her eyes fluttered open and she stared straight into his, her body stiffening as she realised how close they were.
‘Good morning,’ he said softly. ‘Ella is still asleep.’
Mia glanced down at their nearly entwined bodies, her breasts spilling out of her nightgown, pressed up against him. Colour flooded her face as she tensed even more.
‘What…?’
‘You were asleep,’ Alessandro said. ‘So was I.’
Her cheeks were stained crimson as she scrambled out of his embrace, buttoning up her nightgown with fumbling fingers.
‘I didn’t…’ she muttered, unable to look him in the eye.
‘Nothing happened, if that’s your concern,’ Alessandro said equably. ‘I would never take advantage of you, Mia. I promise you that.’
She opened her mouth, and Alessandro braced himself for what he was sure she would say. You already have. But then she closed her mouth and shook her head.
‘I’m going to have a shower and get dressed before we land,’ she said. ‘Can you watch Ella?’
‘Of course.’
She looked as if she wanted to say something more, but then she just shook her head again, slipping out of bed and hurrying to the en suite bathroom. The door closed behind her and Alessandro winced as he heard the lock turn with a decisive click.
MIA HELD ELLA to her as she stepped out of the limo into the warm spring morning. Sunlight glinted off the terracotta tiles of Alessandro’s villa, the Tuscan hills now covered in verdant green and bright blossom.
The place was huge and sprawling, made of white stucco, with terraced gardens on the hillside, bursting with colourful blooms. She could hardly credit that she was going to live in such a magnificent place, if just for three months.
Or maybe for ever.
Alessandro gently placed his hand on the small of her back as he guided her towards the imposing entrance. Mia’s eyes felt gritty, her body aching with fatigue and jet lag despite the few hours’ sleep she’d snatched on the plane, waking up so unsettlingly in Alessandro’s arms. For a second, before she’d woken up completely, she’d lain there, warm and comfortable, snuggled and safe.
Happy.
She’d been completely wrong-footed when she’d realised just how much she’d cosied up to Alessandro, and meanwhile forgotten Ella entirely. He still had that devastating effect on her, she realised. Perhaps he always would—the ability to melt her insides like butter, even as he fanned her to flame. It scared her, the power he could have over her if she let him.
After they’d landed, Mia had done her best to find a cordial but formal middle ground, although he suddenly seemed intent on being close to her whenever he had the opportunity, such as now, when he gently pressed his palm to the small of her back, sending shivers of awareness rippling through her, before he took Ella from her.
‘I’ll hold her for a bit. You look shattered.’
She was shattered, but Ella felt like her safety shield. Without her, Mia was exposed, unsure what to do with her arms, how to look or feel. Everything about this was so incredibly strange. Whether for three months or for ever, she couldn’t believe she and Ella were going to live here, with Alessandro, as a family.
She glanced around the soaring marble foyer in amazed disbelief. Several doors led off to various impressive reception rooms, and a sweeping double staircase led to the second floor.
‘This feels like a castle,’ she couldn’t help but say.
‘And you’re the princess,’ Alessandro told her as he hefted Ella against his shoulder. Already he was starting to handle Ella with more confidence, although he still carried her as if she was so fragile she’d break…or explode.
The flashes of uncertainty Mia saw on his face as he held their daughter made her melt in an entirely different way—he could affect her heart as well as her body. Both were dangerous.
‘You may do whatever you like to the place,’ Alessandro continued, a look of nervousness crossing his face as Ella began to fuss. ‘Redecorate however you want…it is your home, Mia. Yours and Ella’s and mine. Ours.’ He jiggled Ella uncertainly, and as their baby started to settle down he looked up at Mia with a small smile.
‘Do you think she knows me yet?’
‘She’s starting to.’ Ella gave Alessandro a gummy smile that made him grin back in delight.
‘She smiled. She actually smiled.’
Mia couldn’t help but laugh. ‘So she did.’ Watching Alessandro and Ella bond over something as simple as a smile made her heart ache. How could she ever contemplate ending this? Walking away from a family life that neither she nor Alessandro had ever had before?
It was just a smile, she told herself, and in any case, she didn’t yet know what kind of family life they would have. How it would work. No matter what assurances Alessandro made, she wasn’t yet convinced.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘Where…where is my room?’
‘Our room is at the top of the stairs, to the right.’
She turned to him, appalled even as a treacherous excitement made her stomach flip. ‘Our room?’
‘It will be our room,’ he amended somewhat reluctantly. ‘For now you may have it. But I look forward to the day when we might share it.’
‘If,’ Mia couldn’t help but say and Alessandro gave her a knowing look.
‘When,’ he repeated firmly. ‘Definitely when. Now, why don’t you go upstairs and have a bath,