Clancy didn’t answer, and when she glanced up, she found his eyes on her in a way that made her swallow. Oh, God. She’d made her coffee sound almost like…sex.
Strangely, they’d only shared a single kiss but, like her dessert coffee, she could still taste him. That light touch between them had been romantic and sweet and had hinted at things that had made her skin heat.
Their kiss had happened at Christmas too, and she could still remember exactly what had led up to it. Ava had pointed above her at something on the ceiling of her and Clancy’s childhood home with a wink, and when Hollee had glanced up, she’d seen a sprig of mistletoe.
And she had been standing right underneath it. And Clancy… She could still see his mischievous grin. That time he’d kissed her on the cheek. He’d saved the real kiss for later that evening, when he’d driven her home. Only that time he’d been the one holding the sprig. And when their lips had met…
She closed her eyes, suddenly angry with herself for even thinking of that night.
It might have meant something to her, but it hadn’t to him. He’d made that very clear.
It was as if someone had flipped a switch and turned Clancy into a totally different person. He’d still been intense, his loose bad-boy vibe deadly to the senses. Obviously a lot of other women had found him just as attractive. He still was.
When his attitude toward her had shifted, she’d nursed that hurt until it had festered, convincing her that Jacob was the better choice. After all, she felt like she knew him, whereas Clancy had become a stranger. When Jacob had wanted to save sex for their wedding day, she’d been fine with it. But when they’d finally slept together, it had been a huge letdown, and she wasn’t sure why. But she’d loved Jacob and had convinced herself it didn’t matter.
But maybe it had. Maybe if she and Clancy had had let-down sex, she wouldn’t be sitting here now wondering if he would have been as delicious as her coffee.
She turned away, feeling like she was betraying Jacob’s memory somehow. Maybe she’d been guilty of comparing them all along, and Jacob had figured it out. Maybe that’s why he’d changed.
Forget it. She concentrated on pouring and stirring her coffee and snapping on the lid. She should have just gone home, instead of offering to keep Clancy company. Tearing open old wounds was not something she was interested in doing. Especially if it would cause forgotten memories to come creeping back, dragging a matching bag of emotions with it.
“Ready to head to the waiting room?” she asked.
“Yes.” Then he frowned, touching her hand. “Thank you for checking on Ava. And being her friend.”
“She’s always been there when I’ve needed her. How could I do any less?”
“Well, I’m glad you were there anyway.”
“I’m sorry about the father. It was a rough time for her.”
He shrugged. “Mom didn’t even tell me what happened until I came home. I knew she was expecting, but not that he’d run off with someone else while I was still in Afghanistan. Maybe that was a good thing.”
“Will you go back overseas?”
“No. I was ready for a change.”
Something shifted in his demeanor, making her say, “It couldn’t have been easy.” Her glance went back to his face and the separation in his eyebrow. If anything, the scar made him look even more gorgeous, which was ridiculous. A scar was simply epithelial tissue that filled in a wound. It didn’t change who he was.
Or did it? He seemed less carefree than he had ten years ago. Harder in ways she couldn’t quite put her finger on. He was twenty-nine, just two years older than she was. There were no strands of gray in that thick, dark head of hair, but he almost seemed ancient, his frown line carving a deep groove that nothing would erase. She hated to think what he’d seen over there.
As they walked back toward the elevators, Neil Vickers, the hospital administrator, stopped them. “I don’t know if either of you have been in the staff lounge, but I put a sign-up sheet in there. I want to get an idea of how many we have for the Bender trip.” He looked from one to the other. “That is if you two are still interested in going.”
Hollee didn’t hesitate. “I am. I’ll make sure I put my name on the list.”
“Great. FEMA has just finished setting up a disaster relief camp. So they should be ready for us by the time our group arrives.”
Clancy hadn’t said anything, and she wondered if he’d changed his mind about going. Neil must have thought along the same lines because he glanced over at him. “How are you settling in?”
“So far, so good. I’ll take a look at the sign-up sheet.”
Hmm, that was rather noncommittal. What happened to all that talk about them both being adults and able to handle situations like this?
If he decided not to go, that would be a relief, right?
“That’s all I can ask,” Neil said.
“My sister is in surgery right now for preterm labor, and my decision has to hinge on the outcome.”
The administrator frowned. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Not a problem. Hopefully everything will turn out all right, and I can join the team.”
Hollee had almost forgotten about that. Of course he wanted to see what happened with Ava and the baby. She felt like a fool for thinking his hesitation had anything to do with her.
She steered the conversation away from the subject, hoping to reassure Clancy that everything would turn out okay. “Do you think it would be all right if I bring some Christmas lights to decorate the tents or wherever we end up staying?”
“I didn’t see anything against that in the paperwork. It might even help morale. We’ve already planned on bringing some small gifts for the kids. They’re going to send me a rough count of the numbers once they get organized.”
“That’s great.”
“Don’t forget to sign up,” he said again, before waving and heading the way they’d just come. Why not? Even Neil had to eat.
“Let’s head right to Maternity,” she said. “I can sign up afterward.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m anxious to see if there’s any word.”
Making their way there, they stopped at the nurses’ station, and the person behind the desk gave them a smile, not even asking what they wanted. “She’s doing well. The baby’s out and being assessed. She’s tiny, but perfect. I don’t think she’s going to need as much support as many born that early.”
Clancy planted a hand on the desk as if to support himself. “Can we see her?”
“Not yet. They’re still closing her up.” The nurse hesitated. “And she does have the flu, so we’re taking extra precautions.”
“We’ve all had the flu shot, obviously, but we’ll be careful.”
Wow, Clancy had said “we” as if expecting her to go with him to see Ava. And of course she wanted to. Even if seeing the relief in his eyes had just about done her in. How hard would it be to see Clancy’s niece, knowing that his family was growing, while she was alone?
In five years of marriage, Jacob had continually put off having children, at first saying they had plenty of time. The last time, he’d said he wasn’t sure if he wanted children at all…with her.
Those words had hurt in a way that went beyond description. But he’d said he didn’t want a divorce, he wanted to work things out, even though she’d seen no evidence of that before his last deployment.
In