She licked her lips and tipped her head to the side. “I’m going to take a part-time role at the resort and I’m still captaining the team. Lars thinks my return to the training should help boost our team’s chances of beating yours.”
He shoved his hands through his hair and exhaled roughly. “I don’t want this to end.”
“It’s not. I’m sure there will still be moments of weakness on my part where I call you and ask you to stop by.”
“Weakness?” His eyes flicked to her face.
“Yeah, weakness. I felt so upset seeing you today with those women. I get that it’s your job and you’re going to keep on doing it...but you didn’t say anything to me about it. Didn’t mention it, even though every night I talk to you all about my students.”
“That’s different.”
“See, until today I didn’t realize that.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “To me it felt like I was building toward something. Slowly pulling my life back out of the abyss where it had fallen, but then I had a wake-up call.”
He moved closer to her and she stood her ground, not backing up or turning away, because this was too important. She’d hidden away from life when she’d lost her ability to ski, and Carter hadn’t taken anything from her, but today she’d had a glimpse of what he could take, and she simply couldn’t allow that to happen. Not again.
“What wake-up call?”
“That I’m more involved than you are,” she accused. “It made me feel silly, especially when I’d thought that something must be wrong, that you’d had an accident or something. If it had been me, I would have let you know.”
He cursed under his breath and turned away from her.
“Why are you so pissed?”
“Because you have it all wrong, Linds. I’ve been struggling this entire time to keep from letting you see how much you mean to me. How much I need you in my life.” He turned back to her, reached for her, but she recoiled.
“What the hell...?” he asked.
“I can’t think when you touch me, and I need to make sure I’m clearheaded.”
“Fine. I haven’t wanted to crowd you, and I guess that maybe I thought of today as a chance to see how much I mean to you,” he said brusquely. “I shouldn’t have done it, but I’m tired of always guessing where I stand with you.”
* * *
HE SHOULD HAVE been better prepared for this but knew he had been hoping this would all blow over. It hadn’t. And, in hindsight, it was probably for the best. This had been lurking under the surface for a while now for him. It had felt too unsettled. He knew that he was going to have leave Park City after the February event to kick off the charity to fulfill his Thunderbolt Extreme Winter Games duties, but he’d be coming back and forth for the next six months. He hadn’t known how to ask Lindsey if she still wanted to see him.
“I’m not a coward,” he said. “You’re the one who’s been afraid and hiding here. Not at the training center, but at a resort teaching little kids to ski.”
“There’s nothing wrong with what I’ve been doing. It takes time to recover from the kind of injury I had.”
He knew that. He was just being mean because she’d cut a little too close to the truth with her comment. The fact was, he was scared. Scared of having his heart broken. He’d known he was in danger ever since they’d started sleeping together. She’d known it, too. He could tell by the way she had wrapped her arms around her waist.
“I know. That was horrible, and I have no idea how long it would take me to come back. You’re sort of my hero for getting back on skis as quickly as you did,” he said, shoving his hands through his hair again. “I don’t want to fight with you, gorgeous.”
“Me, either,” she admitted. “I like you, Carter, but you’ve never really been serious about anything but snowboarding. Today, when I was searching for you, I realized how much you’ve come to mean to me.”
“How much?” he asked, staring at her intently. He had to know. And he wanted her to go first and tell him that she cared so he’d feel that much safer admitting he felt the same.
“A lot. Too much,” she whispered. “So much so, in fact, that somehow in my mind you and skiing have become intertwined. And that’s dangerous.”
He inhaled deeply. “It’s like that for me, too. But I didn’t want to admit it. I like all the time we’ve spent together and I’m scared of what will happen when I leave Park City.”
He took a step toward her, and this time she didn’t back away. And when he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to her forehead, she didn’t resist. Finally he had her where he needed her. He hugged her close and let out a small breath of relief. This was one of those little hiccoughs that couples went through. They’d get through this.
“When are you leaving?”
“Not until after our charity competition. I have other commitments that I have to fulfill...but I don’t want this to end.”
“Are you sure?”
“More sure than I’ve ever been of anything in a long time.” Holding her close, he gently threaded his fingers through her hair. “It’s ironic that it was me wanting to keep my professional life away from you that caused this. I’ve never had someone in my life that I’ve shared so much with before.”
“Me, either,” she said in that quiet way of hers.
“Can we start again?” he asked. “Third time might be the charm for us.”
“How do you figure we had three times?”
“Seventeen, when I was a jerk. New Year’s Eve, when you were...well, fabulous. And now this time when we are both ready.”
“Okay,” she said. “How about we grab dinner and talk?”
“I was hoping for something more physical.”
“Sex?” she asked.
The way she said it let him know that if he said yes, it wouldn’t be his smartest move.
“Not right now. I know a nice place where we can do some snowshoeing. It’s not too far from here and might be perfect for tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because we can forget about all the fears that are making a relationship such a struggle for us.”
“Sounds perfect. Where is it?”
He pulled out his smartphone and glanced at the screen. “Not too far from here. One of these places groomed by the Mountain Trails Foundation. Ever heard of it?”
She took the phone from him and studied the screen, and he almost felt as if they might be okay. But he’d never had anyone in his life he feared losing the way he did with Lindsey. She was more than a lover.
That was hard for him to admit, but he knew it was the truth.
“I haven’t. But it sounds like fun.”
Suddenly his stomach growled. “Have you arranged for dinner?” he asked.
“I have a pizza on the way,” she said, leading the way into her kitchen.
She got out drinks for them while he called to make an appointment. “Can you go tomorrow night?”
“I can,” she said.
He finished the arrangements and the pizza arrived. They sat at her table eating and he realized that she wasn’t talking. That maybe just because he’d thought everything was okay, it wasn’t.
“Tell