She held the same high expectation for herself. “I’m sorry. I think the combo of too much to drink, a very sexy encounter and confusion left over from last night are making this morning difficult.”
“You think too much,” he said softly. “I’ve had more mornings-after than you. Take it from me, you have to just shake it off.”
She didn’t want to shake it off. A part of her wanted to be the woman she’d been last night. That bold, self-assured, confident woman she’d been with Carter, the woman who’d believed in herself. Surely that hadn’t just been the champagne talking. The seeds of that woman had to be inside her.
She just had to figure out how to sow them.
Carter was offering her something by saying he wanted to see her ski again. He’d always been that devilish rogue who could needle her into doing things she’d otherwise pass on.
“Were you serious about helping me ski again?”
“Yes. Thinking of taking me up on it?” he asked, leaning back and giving her a cocky smile. “I knew you would. Women can’t resist me.”
That was part of her problem. She didn’t want to be one of the masses that had been in Carter’s life. She wanted to be important and special. And she couldn’t. Not right now, because she hardly knew herself anymore.
* * *
CARTER REALIZED THAT Lindsey saw him as a bit of fun. And after all the women he’d played around with over the years, a part of him got that it was payback. But another part, the bit where he’d actually thought she was different than all the lovers he’d been with before, bristled. She was looking at him as if he were a stranger. The kind of man that she didn’t know or trust.
“What do you say, gorgeous? Want to give it a shot?”
“I do. I’m just not sure that I should be committing to doing anything more with you because you’re a bad influence.”
He looked at her, amused despite himself by her adorably earnest expression. “How do you figure?”
“Kissing dares. Sex twice in one night... Skiing again.”
He noted that she’d started with the light stuff and ended with what was really worrying her. “I’m not going to push you down the slope, Linds. I just want a chance to help you remember what you loved so much about the sport.”
She cocked her head to one side, her blond ponytail swinging behind her head, and he remembered the feel of her silky-smooth hair against his body. His blood heated, and he realized that he was working so hard to find a reason to stay in her good graces because he wanted her back in his bed.
He hadn’t been finished with her when she’d walked away, and now he had to do whatever was necessary to get her back.
“What do you know about my love of the sport?”
“Only that if I fell and couldn’t snowboard for six months, I’d be devastated. And though I’m retiring from amateur competition, I know I still want to be on the board. I can’t define myself without it.”
She gave him a hard stare. “I hate that you actually get me.”
He laughed, but inside a part of him was hurt by that. “Why?”
“You’re not a serious person. You think dares and games are the way to get what you want—”
“It’s worked for me in the past, hasn’t it?”
“You have a point.” She sighed. “Maybe this is what I need. So what do you recommend?”
“You have to get to the root of your fear.”
“How do you know that?” she asked. “Do you have something you’re afraid of?”
Of course he did, he thought. But he liked the fact that she saw only the confidence he’d worked so hard at projecting. If she saw him as the man he wanted to be, he was good with that. He wasn’t about to start confessing to things that he couldn’t do and the secrets he protected.
“Just being walked out on by women like you, gorgeous,” he said smoothly.
She nibbled on her lower lip, and he remembered how her mouth had felt under his the night before. He had thought he’d had enough time to exorcise the lust demons that had been plaguing him for years, but realized now he hadn’t come close.
Would he ever be able to sate his thirst for Lindsey?
He’d sort of believed that her elusiveness was all that kept him still wanting her. It had been a while, and each time they were apart he’d try to forget her. Those big brown eyes and the pretty blond hair.
The media had dubbed her the Ice Queen for her cool persona before each of her runs. Other skiers smiled and joked, but Lindsey had held herself aloof and had come down the mountain as though she owned it. Now he realized that he had wanted to be the man to melt that icy exterior.
He’d done it once, but that wasn’t enough.
Why wasn’t it enough?
It seemed to him that having waited so long to claim her in his bed, he should be happy, or at least content. But he wasn’t.
He wanted something more.
But as was par for him, he had no way to define it and could only say that it involved Lindsey.
“I am sorry again for leaving so abruptly,” she said softly. “I wanted to see if I could take a run this morning... Well, that’s not entirely true.” She fixed her gaze squarely on his. “You scared me, Carter. I’ve never been the way I was with you last night. I’m not sure I recognize that part of myself.”
“Good,” he said. “The old you has been hiding. Frozen in some sort of limbo. I’m glad you don’t recognize yourself, because that means you are finally thawing.”
“Thawing? Wow, I thought I’d proved last night that there is nothing icy about me,” she said in a slightly breathless voice.
“You did, but then you retreated behind your wall of ice,” he said.
“Fair enough.”
“Let’s go,” he said, standing and holding out his hand to her.
“Where?”
“Trust me?”
She reached for his hand and gave him a forced smile. “No. But I’ll follow you anyway.”
He’d take what he could get with her. She stood and he led the way to the parking lot and his SUV.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” He smiled mysteriously. “I have an idea.”
She got into the vehicle without another word, and he drove them away from the lodge to a path he’d found about a week ago when he’d needed to get away from everyone and everything. He parked the SUV on the side of the road and came around to Lindsey’s side of the SUV. She had her door open and had hopped out before he got there.
“This is your big idea?”
“Stop with the doubt and follow me.”
He led the way to the tree line over the snow-covered ground, and she followed him. Her boots were good and sturdy, as were his, and he kept walking until he found what he was looking for: a small clearing in the copse of trees. Icicles hung from the branches, and in the center was a mound of snow that he suspected some local kids had built.
“This is it?”
“Yup,” he said.
“How’d you find it?” she asked, looking at the steep snow mound, which was large enough to slide down. In the middle was a trench big enough for a sled.
“I don’t know, but I think