‘He had five weeks of annual leave owing,’ Ruth said, ‘then ten days’ paid carer’s leave, plus two days paid compassionate from the date his wife died.’
‘Do we need to see the death certificate?’
‘That’s what he just brought in,’ Ruth said. ‘I’ve taken a copy.’
They never said his name, and had she not seen him in the lift she would never have known. Even sitting there, Ruby couldn’t be absolutely sure.
She just was.
This was the family stuff he had been dealing with.
His wife had just died and he’d been in bed with her.
‘I have to go.’ Ruby stood.
‘I’ve just found your timesheet,’ Ruth said. Ruby wanted to run, but she was trying not to do that any more, so she waited and it was worked out that someone had used her sheet but signed their name and that it would be amended at the next pay cycle. She smiled and thanked them and then she left. Finally free, she didn’t take the bus but walked down the hill to her house. There was Mrs Bennett in her garden and she smiled and waved as Ruby went past and Ruby somehow managed to smile and wave back, but she couldn’t even force a smile as she saw Tilly on the stairs.
‘What on earth’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ Ruby brushed past.
‘Ruby …’ Tilly’s feet followed her.
‘I’ve got the worst headache,’ Ruby attempted. ‘I can’t sleep and I have to get to sleep—I’m working tonight.’
‘You’ve got hours till your shift starts,’ Tilly soothed, but the hours slipped away and all Ruby could think was that he hadn’t told her. She had slept with a man, glimpsed a future with a man she really knew very little about. She was embarrassed too, ashamed to share her problem with her friends. His wife had been dead just over a month after all.
She wasn’t sure whether it was nerves, exhaustion or humiliation, but when Tilly heard her retching in the toilet a few hours later, she knew her housemate’s plight was genuine.
‘I can’t go in,’ Ruby said. ‘I’ve hardly slept since …’ She tried to work it out. ‘In ages.’ It would, in fact, be irresponsible to go in with no sleep, but how could she not?
‘It’s okay,’ Tilly said. ‘You go back to bed. I’ll ring in for you.’ Ruby lay there and closed her eyes as she heard her friend on the landline.
‘Who did you speak to?’
‘The ward clerk,’ Tilly said. ‘She said she’d pass it on.’
‘Sheila’s going to be furious.’
‘You can’t help being sick,’ Tilly pointed out, and then she looked at her friend, saw the real trouble in her eyes and wasn’t sure what was going on. ‘Do you want me to go down tonight?’ Tilly offered. ‘I can explain to Sheila that you really are sick—ask if you can make it up over the weekend …’
‘I’ll speak to her myself,’ Ruby broke in. ‘Go on, you get ready for work.’
‘Ruby …’
‘Please, Tilly …’ Ruby said, because that was the good and the bad of sharing a house—there was always someone there when you needed them to be, but there was always someone there too when perhaps you just needed to be alone. ‘You’ve got to get ready for work.’
Cort found himself lingering in the staffroom as the night staff started to drift in.
‘We’re short tonight,’ Siobhan said. ‘We’ve got two from the bank.’
‘We don’t have a student either,’ Sheila said. ‘Ruby rang in sick.’
‘What a surprise!’ Siobhan smirked. ‘She must be worn out from all the agency shifts that she’s doing.’
Cort kept his face impassive, but he would have loved to tell Siobhan to shut up.
‘I’ve swapped her around so she can come in to do Thursday, Friday and Saturday.’
Which were the worst nights.
He couldn’t believe she’d throw it all in—then he thought about Ruby and actually he could. He thought back to the canteen where he’d seen her confident in her own environment, and she was like a butterfly, one who’d found herself fluttering around the coals of hell. This place was damaged and wounded.
Cort walked across the ambulance bay towards the car park, unsure what he could do. He could hardly turn up there, and then what? Insist that she go in?
‘Hi, there.’ It was Tilly who greeted him, walking towards Maternity.
‘Hi.’ Cort gave a brief nod, which was more than he usually did. ‘On nights?’ he asked, and she smiled and stopped.
‘Yep.’
Normally he’d have nodded and walked on, refused to acknowledge what they both knew.
‘How’s Ruby?’ Cort cleared his throat. ‘I heard she’d rung in sick.’
‘I don’t know how she is,’ Tilly said. ‘She’s not really talking to anyone.’
‘If she doesn’t do her nights, she’s going to have to repeat.’
‘I can’t see that happening.’ He was surprised at the thick sound to her voice, and it dawned on him that Tilly had been crying. ‘If she can’t do three nights, she’s hardly going to do another six weeks. I don’t know what to say to her.’
‘I’ll talk to her.’
‘Her phone’s off.’
‘I’ll go round,’ Cort said, because if she wasn’t going in again, there was nothing to keep things quiet for anyway.
‘Door for you,’ Ellie called up the stairs to Ruby. As Ellie was on her way out and left it wide open, it gave Ruby no choice but to haul herself out of bed, pull on a sarong and answer it.
‘Is everything okay?’
She looked at him.
‘Only I wondered …’
She blinked.
‘I heard you were sick. I bumped into Tilly. Is everything okay?’ Cort checked.
‘You tell me?’
‘I’m here to find out about you. Ruby, you know you have to do these nights.’
‘I don’t have to do anything.’
‘I know you’re having a difficult time. I know this week—’
‘How’s your week been, Cort?’ she interrupted.
‘I thought it was going well.’
‘How’s your month been? Anything happen that you might want to talk about?’
And then he got it—she knew.
She wanted to hop she was so angry. She wanted to shake him as she gave him every opportunity to explain things, to tell her, but he just stood there.
‘You bang on about support, about backing each other, helping each other through … being open.’
‘How do you know?’ Cort said, because to him it mattered. ‘Adam?’
‘Adam?’ Ruby’s voice was incredulous. ‘Of course it wasn’t Adam. Adam doesn’t talk about things that matter. I can see now why the two of you are friends.’
‘Then how do you know?’
‘It doesn’t matter how I know,’ Ruby said. ‘Actually, it does. Do you not think it should have been you