Briefly, she considered letting her hair hang loose, but all her defensive instincts rose against it for fear that he would get the wrong idea.
‘I don’t want him thinking that other me is still around. He must have no doubt who he’s dealing with now.’
From their correspondence she knew his private address. As the light faded she slipped out of the hotel and made her way to the nearby street where he lived. There was an elegant block of apartments, with lights in almost every window. She looked up, wondering if she might see him.
Several minutes passed while she tried to pluck up the courage to ring the bell. But she couldn’t manage it, and had almost decided to retreat when the sight of him at a window made her draw in a sharp breath. He pushed it open, leaning out, while she stood, tense and undecided. She was just beginning to back into the shadows when he looked down.
His face was in shadow but there was no mistaking the shock that pervaded his whole body.
‘Ellie? Ellie?’
‘Yes, it’s me,’ she called back.
‘Wait there.’
He was with her in a moment, ushering her inside and towards the elevator, which took them up to the second floor. Once they were inside his apartment she walked ahead a few steps, then turned and saw him standing by the door, regarding her curiously.
‘I couldn’t believe it was really you down there,’ he said.
He approached and put his hands on her shoulders.
‘Let me look at you,’ he said. ‘It is you, isn’t it?’
‘Can you doubt it?’
‘Maybe. You look like a woman I once knew—just for a short time.’
A very short time, she thought. And we didn’t know each other, except in one particular sense.
Aloud, she said, ‘Nobody stays the same for ever.’
‘That’s true. So tell me, has the divorce hit a new problem at the last minute?’
‘No, you have nothing to worry about. Harriet has signed all the papers so far, and we’ve fixed a date for her to sign the rest. There are some more forms for you to sign, and then it will be pretty much over. I’ve brought a few of them with me.’
‘Instead of just putting them in the mail? Thank you so much.’
‘Things can get lost in the mail,’ she said. She was prevaricating as the crucial moment neared, but she knew she must soon summon up her courage.
‘Here they are,’ she said, drawing out the papers.
He seized them eagerly. Watching his face, she saw it flooded with relief tinged by a hint of sadness.
‘It’s nearly over,’ he murmured. ‘I’ll soon be free of her. But I’ll also be free of the child who should have been mine, and that’s a freedom I never wanted.’
‘But soon you’ll have the final documents, and then you can make a new life.’
‘That’s what I tell myself, but I keep thinking of that little boy. Even though he isn’t born yet, I loved him so much. But the love must stop.’
‘And now you think you have nobody to love,’ she said gently.
‘That’s one way of putting it.’
‘But it isn’t true. I came to see you because—’ She paused. Now that the moment had arrived she was suddenly nervous.
‘I needed to see you,’ she said slowly. ‘There’s something I have to tell you.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’m pregnant.’
She wasn’t sure what reaction she’d expected, but not the total silence that greeted her. At last he managed to speak in a voice so low that it was almost inaudible.
‘What—did you say?’
‘I’m pregnant. That night we were together—there was a consequence.’
He drew in a sharp breath. ‘Are you telling me that—?’
‘That I’m carrying your baby.’
‘But we used protection. How can that be? You’re sure? Quite certain?’
‘I promise I’m not trying to trick you. You’re the father. It has to be you because there’s nobody else it could be. I don’t know how but the condom must have become damaged. I swear I didn’t plan this...’
‘I wasn’t accusing you of— I only meant—are you sure you’re pregnant?’
‘There’s no doubt of it. I did a test. It was positive.’
Suddenly the tension drained from his face. Now there was only a blazing smile.
‘Yes!’ he cried. ‘Yes!’
He tightened his grip and drew her forward against him in a hug so fierce that she gasped.
‘Sorry,’ he said, loosening his clasp. ‘I must be careful of you now.’
‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘I’m not delicate.’
‘Yes, you are. You’re frail and vulnerable and I must do everything to look after you and our child.’
He led her to the sofa and nudged her gently until she sat down.
‘How long have you been sure?’ he asked.
‘A couple of weeks.’
‘And you waited this long to tell me?’
‘I’ve been trying to get my head around it.’
‘Is that all?’ he asked quietly.
She felt she understood his true meaning and said, ‘Look, I told you, you’re the father. There are simply no other candidates. There’s nobody else. You have to believe me.’
‘I do believe you. You told me before that your relationships tended to be unsuccessful. It sounds like a lonely life.’
‘Yes,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘It has been.’
‘But not any more. When we’re married you’ll have me to care for you.’
‘Wait!’ She stopped him. ‘Did you say “married”?’
‘Of course. Why do you look so surprised? Did you think I wouldn’t want to marry you?’
‘To be honest, I never even considered it.’
‘But you must have been thinking of the future when you came here to tell me. What did you expect would happen?’
‘I thought you’d be pleased. You want a child. I can give you one.’
‘And I can give you a lot—a good life with everything you want.’
‘But I’d lose my career, which I enjoy. I’d lose my country. We barely know each other but you expect me to move into a new world with you—’
‘And our child.’
‘Our child will live with me in England. But I’ll put your name on the birth certificate and you can see him or her whenever you like.’
It was sad to see how the eagerness drained from his face, replaced by something that might have been despair. He dropped his head into his hands, staying there for a long moment while she thought she saw a tremor go through him.
‘It’s too soon to make a decision,’ he said at last.
Tact prevented her from pointing out that she’d already made her decision.