Sean smiled. ‘Being the senior consultant comes with some perks. It’s not the Himalayas, but we like it.’ His smile faded. ‘You stayed away too long. You look like hell, MacAllister.’
‘Thanks.’ He should have been offended by Sean’s blunt comment, but he wasn’t. After all, it was true. He did look like hell.
And he didn’t want to be here. It wasn’t going to work.
Sean’s voice was rough but there was sympathy in his blue eyes. ‘You needed to come back, Ben, and you know it.’
‘Is that what this is all about? Rehabilitation?’ Ben’s tone was weary and his mouth tightened. ‘When you called, you told me that you were desperate for doctors.’
‘I am desperate,’ Sean said calmly. ‘You have no idea just how desperate I am. I’m trying to run a department on fresh air at the moment. Having you here helps alleviate the problem and it makes my wife feel better.’
The expression in Ben’s eyes softened slightly at the mention of Sean’s wife. ‘How is Ally?’
‘Worried about you,’ Sean said frankly. ‘She wants you close by so that she can help.’
Ben’s expression was unreadable. ‘So basically you’re interfering?’
‘Well, it’s time someone did.’ Sean met his accusing gaze head on. ‘It’s been two years, Ben.’
‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’ Ben’s eyes glittered dangerously. ‘Is two years some sort of magic figure? Am I supposed to feel better just because it’s been two years?’
Sean sighed. ‘No. But it’s time you stopped running.’ He hesitated. ‘And maybe it’s time you talked about what happened.’
‘Why the hell would I want to do that?’
Sean looked him in the eye. ‘Because sometimes it helps to talk?’
Ben threw back his head and laughed. ‘That’s rich, coming from you! When have you ever talked about your feelings?’
Sean rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. ‘I talk to Ally.’
Ben lifted an eyebrow. ‘You’re offering to lend me your wife?’
‘I’m offering to lend you her listening skills. Ally wants you to come and spend some time with us.’
Ben’s mouth tightened. ‘You can tell Ally not to meddle.’ But he knew she meant well. He was very fond of Sean’s wife who was mature and sensible and knew exactly what she wanted out of life.
Unlike some women.
‘You can tell her yourself,’ Sean said crisply. ‘She wants you to come to dinner as soon as you’re settled in.’
Ben digested this information. ‘Don’t tell me— she’s inviting a spare woman?’
Sean fiddled with some papers on his desk and avoided eye contact. ‘I’m not involved with the guest list. I just turn up and eat the food.’
‘Sean!’ Ben’s tone held a warning note and Sean sighed and raked a hand through his hair.
‘All right, there’s a possibility that she’s match-making...’
‘Possibility?’
Sean shifted uncomfortably. ‘Probability. You know Ally.’ He gave a shrug. ‘It doesn’t mean anything.’
Ben gritted his teeth. He had no intention of being set up. ‘Forget it.’
Sean sighed. ‘It’s only dinner! Dinner, and one available woman to talk to. It’s not as if you hate women—or are you trying to tell me that you’ve been celibate for the past two years?’
Ben chose to ignore that question.
‘I’m not interested.’
‘Oh, come on!’ Sean gave a disbelieving look. ‘I knew you in medical school remember? Women get cricked necks when you pass them in the street. You had more girlfriends than—’
‘That was a long time ago.’ Ben interrupted him with a grim expression on his face. ‘Things have changed.’
He’d changed.
Sean’s look spoke volumes. ‘You’re seriously trying to tell me that you haven’t been with a woman for two years?’
Ben’s dark brows settled into an ominous frown. ‘What business is that of yours?’
‘I’m your friend,’ Sean reminded him, ‘and I want to see you get your life back together. Maybe it would help to meet a decent woman and—’
‘Sean, listen to me.’ Ben’s voice was tired. ‘I know you think women solve everything, but in my case you’re wrong. My life is fine and I’m certainly not a good deal for any decent woman.’
Sean looked genuinely bemused. ‘Well, why the hell not? According to Ally, you’re stunningly good-looking—’ He broke off as he considered the implications of what he’d just said. ‘I grilled her over that, by the way. I’m not at all keen on the fact my wife freely admits to finding you irresistible.’ He shook himself slightly. ‘Anyway, that aside, apparently you’re the original macho action man and women love that, you’ve got money, you—’
‘I never realised you felt this way about me.’ Ben’s tone was dry and his friend waved a hand.
‘Relax. I prefer blondes. You’re not my type.’
Ben gave a short laugh. ‘I’m not anybody’s type. Not if they’ve got any sense. I don’t have anything to offer anyone. I’m not claiming to have lived like a monk, but I can honestly say that I haven’t felt anything for a woman for two years.’
And he doubted whether he’d ever feel anything again. It was as if he was dead inside. Even the few flings he’d had hadn’t really worked for him. Usually because the woman he was with so obviously wanted more than he was able to give.
Which was nothing more than brief physical satisfaction.
Sean looked at him. ‘Give it time. It’s grief that makes you feel that way.’
Grief?
Sean made it sound so simple, but Ben knew that it was so much more than grief that had locked his emotions inside himself. It was anger, too. Anger and bitterness and guilt.
Oh, yes, definitely guilt.
But Sean didn’t know any of that, of course, and why should he? Ben wasn’t in the habit of discussing his feelings with anyone. What was the point? It wouldn’t change what had happened.
And as for giving it time—well, it had been two years already. He’d given it more than enough time and nothing had changed. He still felt the same way as he had when it had first happened. As far as he was concerned, time had healed nothing.
‘How was Pakistan?’ Sean changed the subject neatly and Ben accepted the change readily.
‘Interesting. Challenging. Hard work.’
‘Good.’ Sean nodded briskly. ‘A bit like the job here, then.’
The job.
Ben opened his mouth to say that he didn’t think he could do it but the words didn’t come out the way he’d planned. ‘So when do you want me to start?’
He listened to himself and almost laughed.
What was he saying? Was he crazy?
He didn’t want to start at all. He wanted to turn around and walk out of the department the way he’d