As Sam held her, Kelly felt an old stirring rise inside. The strength in his embrace comforted her. His compassion as he led her away from the eatery and to an upholstered bench also rekindled a long-suppressed yearning inside to belong to someone, to be cherished. But that was silly. Sam was just a friend, a brother-in-law who was trying to help her cope. She couldn’t let herself imagine there was more than kindness in his actions.
He eased her onto the bench and sat down beside her. His arm across her shoulders felt right, like a kind of bond that drew them together. Finally, she managed to smile at him.
“Sorry,” Kelly apologized. “It hits me that she’s gone and I won’t ever see her again, and that’s when the tears start.”
“I know.” He handed her a fresh tissue and waited while she dried her eyes.
“How do you handle it?” she asked, curious about his steely strength. Like her, he had lost a twin, a brother whom she knew he loved.
“There’s so much to do. I focus on juggling things to keep everyone else going,” Sam told her, his voice bald with pain.
“Sam the Fixerator.” Kelly smiled at the moniker, remembering the fondness in Marina’s voice when she’d first introduced him with that title. “Still trying to fix things, Sam?” A second later she wished she could retract the words. He couldn’t fix this. No one could.
“It’s all I know to do.” Sam shrugged then checked his watch. “If you’re ready, we should get on the road.”
When Kelly didn’t immediately respond, he touched her hand. A zap of awareness tingled up her arm at the contact. Why was it that Sam had this strange effect on her? She drew away then slowly rose and took her backpack from him.
“I’m sure there are many things to do.” Her breath caught, but she pushed through the pain. “When are the funerals?”
“We were waiting for you,” he said quietly. “We can start planning now that you’re home.”
Home? Kelly had never been to Triple D Ranch, and yet she found the thought of staying where Marina had found such joy oddly attractive. She hadn’t had her own place in so long. Her parents were staying on the Triple D, too. Would Marina’s ranch house be the place where she and her mom could finally move beyond their bitter past? Could she really come home?
Only, Kelly knew, if she could get rid of the guilt, guilt that, if her mother knew she felt, would use to condemn her, as she’d so often done in the past. Not that her mother would have to say a word. Inside Kelly’s head, a voice reminded, Your sister, your twin, is dead, and you never told her you loved her. You never said goodbye.
“Time to leave, Kelly.” Sam’s quiet voice stirred her from her misery. His gaze scanned her from head to foot. “You need a warmer jacket. I’ll buy one from that store over there.”
“I already have one.” Kelly unzipped her backpack and pulled out the quilted coat she’d often worn to ski in the Alps. He held it so she could slide her arms into it, and again feelings of being cared for, cherished, welled up. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go,” she said, anxious to escape his touch and her strange reactions to it.
Sam studied her coat with a dubious glance but nodded, and they left the airport.
They fought their way through the icy wind racing across the parkade to his truck.
“I should have said it before. I’m so sorry about Jake.”
“I know.” For a moment, steady, organized Sam looked utterly bereft.
In that instant Kelly noticed the few silver hairs in his sideburns and the tiny fan of lines around his green eyes that hadn’t been there when she’d last seen him. Ten years ago Sam had been a very handsome man, and time hadn’t changed that. But grief had stolen what she’d privately labeled his “cowboy” smile, a lopsided twist of his lips she’d never seen copied. Still, Kelly thought she saw a hint of it now in his soft smile.
“Inside the truck, Kelly,” he insisted. “Don’t think I can’t see that you’re freezing in that coat.”
She climbed inside gratefully, huddling in her jacket while trying to hide just how chilled she felt. Sam slammed her door shut, hurried around to the other side and got in the driver’s seat. Though he’d started the truck remotely, it hadn’t yet warmed. The chill, combined with her apprehension at the upcoming meeting with her mother, made Kelly frown.
Sam studied her as if trying to read her mind. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” She forced a smile. “I was wondering how long the ride will take.”
“I forgot you’ve never been to the Triple D. Forty-five minutes or so. Mom will be feeding the kids lunch soon, and then Jacob Samuel will go down for his nap.” His voice dropped as he drove out of the city. “I hope she gets a chance to relax and enjoy a cup of coffee.”
“She’s not well?” Kelly asked, barely remembering Jake’s parents as a cheerful couple at Marina’s wedding.
“She’s worn out from caring for Dad and the twins and Jacob Samuel,” he said, a deep fondness lacing his words. “Mom tries to do everything.”
“I guess that’s who you take after.” Kelly grinned at his dour look then frowned. “Surely my mom’s helping her?” She realized how silly that was the moment she said it. Her mother had never been particularly fond of children. “You said she and my dad are living at the ranch?”
“My parents are at my place. Yours are at Marina and Jake’s. They were visiting when—” He didn’t finish that. “Your mother is pretty much tied down with your dad. With his memory failing more frequently, he needs someone around all the time.” Sam paused and glanced at her then said in a quiet voice, “I should warn you—he may not recognize you.”
“The disease has progressed that far?” Sam’s solemn nod made her catch her breath.
“Thank you for coming to get me,” she said, finally grasping the extent of his responsibilities. “I’m sure it was a nuisance for you to drive all the way in to Calgary then back.”
“I had to,” Sam said with a smile, and when Kelly arched a questioning eyebrow, he replied, “You’re part of the family. We need you with us.”
So few words and yet they meant so much to her. Part of the family. Somewhere inside her, the words fanned long-buried embers of wanting to belong into a tiny flame. Could she finally belong?
Until she had to leave.
When Sam said, “Tell me what you were doing in Rome, Kelly,” she suddenly remembered his solemn words to her on the patio the night of the wedding.
Someday, Kelly, I am going to see the birthplace of the Olympic Games. I will go to England and walk around Stonehenge. I’ll stand and gaze at the fjords of Norway. I’ll visit the hill in Turkey where the Apostle John is said to have taken Mary to live out her last days. I am going. It’s just a matter of when.
She wondered if he’d ever managed to see any of them.
“Were you scouting out new places for tours?” he asked.
“Sort of. When I return from this leave, I’m to be transferred. I hope to Indonesia. I was going to go there next week...” She let the words die away when a grimness flickered across his face at her mention of the future.
“What exactly does a port consultant do?” he asked.
“What I do is become so familiar with our ship’s ports of call that when a guest asks me about one of them, I’m able to recommend ways for them to see as much of the place as possible in their limited time. Or I suggest places that are a bit off the beaten track or that feature a particular