It was enough, she decided. She would make it enough, and perhaps Gerard would recapture some of the feeling he’d once had for her. His kiss had told her that he was not indifferent in a physical sense. He found her desirable. Perhaps in time true love would blossom once more.
A marriage where the feeling was stronger on one side than the other was not unusual. People married for many reasons, quite often for money or position. She acquitted Gerard of wanting her fortune—he had made it plain to her at an earlier time that he had enough for his needs. He wanted a companion, a sensible woman who would love his daughter and not make too many demands. Could she be that woman? Amelia decided that she could. She had had years of learning to hide her emotions; it should not be too difficult to give Gerard the kind of wife he desired. It would be a convenient arrangement for them both.
Amelia picked up her long evening gloves and pulled them on, smoothing the fingers in place. She glanced in the mirror and smiled at the picture she presented. She looked serene, untroubled. No one would ever guess at the ache in her heart.
She was about to open her door when someone knocked and Emily walked in. It was obvious that she was distressed and Amelia forgot her own problems instantly.
‘Something is wrong! I can see it in your face, Emily.’
‘Mr Sinclair…I could not prevent him from speaking,’ Emily said, her voice catching. ‘I told him that I must have time to consider…and I think he was angry with me for his face went white. He inclined his head and walked away from me without another word. I should have called him back, but I could not speak.’
‘Oh, my poor Emily,’ Amelia said. ‘Could you not find the words to tell him the truth?’
‘I was afraid of what I might see in his eyes,’ Emily confessed. ‘We must somehow manage to speak to each other while we are both guests here…’ She gave a little sob. ‘I am in such distress for I would not hurt him for the world and I am sure he was hurt by my hesitation. Yet how could I tell him the truth?’
‘Do not distress yourself, my love,’ Amelia said. ‘You have done nothing wrong. Many other ladies ask for time when first asked that question. When next it happens, you will be ready to make your confession.’
‘Yes, I shall. I intend to seek Mr Sinclair out tomorrow evening after the celebrations. One of us may leave the following day—I could go home if he did not wish to leave.’
‘Do not be so pessimistic, Emily.’ Amelia was encouraging. ‘I still believe that Mr Sinclair will be more understanding than you imagine—and now, my love, you must wish me happy. The Earl of Ravens-head has asked me to be his wife and I have accepted him. We shall not announce our engagement until the ball at Coleridge, but I wanted you to know.’
‘Amelia!’ Emily’s face reflected surprise and then pleasure. ‘I am so very happy for you, dearest. I have thought that perhaps you liked him and he liked you, but I was not sure what your intentions were regarding marriage.’
‘It will be…a convenient arrangement for us both, for my brother will have to accept that he is no longer my heir. Especially if I should have a child, which I hope will be the case.’
‘A convenient arrangement?’ Emily looked puzzled. ‘It is not my business to pry, but are you sure that is all it is? I am sure the earl has a deep regard for you, Amelia.’
‘Ah, yes, we are comfortable together—good friends,’ Amelia said, avoiding Emily’s probing gaze. She was doing her best to appear dispassionate, but Emily knew her too well. ‘Shall we go down, my love? We do not wish to keep Susannah and her guests waiting.’ She saw a doubtful look in her companion’s eyes. ‘You must not think that I would wish to dispense with your company, Emily. While I should be happy to see you marry a gentleman of your choice, I should be sad to lose you. Be assured that your home is with me until you decide to leave.’
‘You are always so generous,’ Emily replied. ‘Thank you for making that plain to me. Like you, I have met only one man I would care to marry, but you know my thoughts and I shall say no more, for this is Christmas Eve.’
Amelia noticed how thoughtful her companion was as they went downstairs and joined the other guests. She smiled and nodded to the company, but was quiet and merely nodded her head when Toby offered her his arm to take her into dinner. Obviously, he had controlled his hurt feelings and was determined to remain Emily’s friend. Amelia had always thought him a likeable young man and now found she approved of his manners—he was everything he ought to be as a gentleman.
Gerard took Amelia in to dinner. He told her in a whisper that he had confided their secret to Harry and Susannah, also to Toby Sinclair.
‘For the moment I have asked that they keep the news to themselves,’ he said. ‘We shall make our announcement at Coleridge, as we planned.’
‘I have told Emily, for it would have seemed secretive and unkind had I excluded her. She would have been worried that her position might not be secure had she heard something from another person.’
‘I doubt that Miss Barton will need to work as a companion for long,’ Gerard said. ‘You must have observed that a certain gentleman has a distinct partiality for her company?’
‘Yes, I know that Mr Sinclair has made Emily an offer, but she is a little nervous of her situation in life and asked for more time.’
Gerard raised his brows. ‘She feels that she may not suit the ambitions of his family, because she is employed as a companion?’
‘I believe she does feel something of the kind, but I hope the matter will be resolved satisfactorily.’
‘Toby will inherit a decent estate when his father dies, but I am certain he will make his own fortune. Although he is close to his family, I do not think he would allow them to dictate to him in such a matter—and I see no reason why Emily should not be acceptable to them. Toby is of good family, but he is not the heir to an illustrious title, merely his father’s baronetcy. I see no cause for anyone to object to his choice.’
Amelia nodded. She had wondered if she might ask for Gerard for help in trying to find Emily’s child, but she had hoped to find a way of concealing the mother’s identity. Even if that was impracticable, now was not the time or place to reveal it.
‘Well, we must hope for a happy outcome,’ she said. ‘I was wondering when you thought would be a suitable moment for us to marry? Do you wish for some time to make your arrangements or would you prefer the wedding to be held quite soon?’
‘Personally, I believe the sooner we marry the better for all concerned,’ Gerard said. ‘I know that my daughter would be happy to have a new mama—and I am certainly looking forward to our wedding. Do you wish for a longer engagement or shall we settle it for a month after the ball?’
‘I think a month after the ball should be adequate time,’ Amelia replied. ‘It will give me a chance to make necessary changes. Will you wish to live at Ravenshead on a permanent basis?’
‘Are you thinking that you would like to spend a part of the year at your estate, Amelia?’
‘I like to spend some part of the summer in Bath and I must visit London several times a year to oversee my children’s home, but I dare say I shall like Ravenshead very well.’
‘There will be time enough to decide once you have visited,’ Gerard told her. ‘We must have the lawyers draw up the settlements, Amelia. I should not wish to control your fortune, though I will help you to manage it if you so wish. It might be a sensible idea to put a part at least in trust for your children.’
‘That is an excellent notion,’ Amelia