* * *
Joe was watching the clock, hoping he didn’t get a last-minute call-out before the end of his night shift. It had been busy, but that wasn’t uncommon. Saturday nights were always frantic, filled with the usual jobs—drunk and disorderly men getting into fights, drug overdoses, car accidents, car versus pedestrian accidents, heart attacks or indigestion that people mistook for heart attacks... The new crew was due at any moment and if the phones remained quiet for five more minutes he’d get out of there on time. He kept his fingers crossed. If he got out on time he might catch Kitty.
He was missing her company. The week that she’d stayed with him was now months ago but he’d got used to having her around and the months since she’d been gone had dragged. But at least she wasn’t back with Mike. She’d moved out of Joe’s apartment and in with Jess and Cam. They’d decided that it would be the best place for Kitty to live while they went through the surrogacy application and hopefully a successful pregnancy. That way Jess figured she’d get to be involved every step of the way. They’d assumed that the surrogacy process would be successful. Joe could understand why—what was the point of going ahead with the plan if you thought it was going to fail? But he was worried that they could all be setting themselves up for heartache.
Kitty had had enough heartache in her life.
But he’d barely seen her since she’d moved out. She’d been caught up in the surrogacy plans and even at work their paths hadn’t crossed often. Although he was based at the ambulance station adjacent to the North Sydney Hospital, even their shifts hadn’t coincided much, and more often than not when he’d brought patients to the ED or called in on a break she hadn’t been rostered on.
His shift finished on time and he was able to get across to the ED before Kitty left the hospital. He sighed in relief.
‘Hi.’ He greeted her as she walked through the exit.
‘Joe!’ Her smile lit up her face and he found himself beaming back at her. It was good to see her. Really good. ‘Have you finished your shift?’ she asked.
‘Yep. Signed out, all done.’
‘Well, your timing is perfect,’ she said as she tucked her hand through his elbow and fell into step beside him. ‘I need to talk to you and I’m starving. Have you got time for breakfast?’
‘Sure.’
They walked the few blocks to their regular café on Manly Beach and grabbed a table with a view over the water. The sun was still low in the sky but after a night cooped up in the hospital Joe knew that Kitty would want to be outside despite the glare.
Joe ordered his usual big breakfast while Kitty chose fresh fruit, yoghurt and muesli. She was restless, her feet jiggled constantly, and she was sitting on the edge of her seat. ‘Are you going to be able to sit still long enough to eat?’ he asked.
‘Not unless I tell you my news first.’
‘Go on, then,’ Joe said as the waitress brought a coffee for him and a green tea for Kitty.
‘I did a pregnancy test yesterday.’
‘Already?’
Kitty nodded. ‘It’s two weeks tomorrow since the procedure.’
He knew that. He’d been keeping tabs on the process. He didn’t need to ask what the result was, he could see in her eyes—excitement was written all over her face. He didn’t need her to tell him the result but she told him anyway.
‘It was positive!’
‘You know it could be a false positive this early.’ He didn’t think he wanted to burst her bubble of happiness but his comment was out before he’d had time to censor it. He’d done some research and he knew the fertility clinics advised their patients not to do home tests but to wait for the official blood test. He assumed it was because there were too many occasions when people got false positive results.
‘I know.’ Kitty nodded. ‘But I couldn’t resist. I feel like it’s worked. My boobs are tender...’ She pressed on her boobs and Joe had to force himself to avert his eyes. He didn’t want to be caught looking. ‘And I had to know.’
‘Who else have you told?’
Kitty frowned, a little crease appearing between her dark brows. ‘No one. The official blood test is still a couple of days away so I won’t say anything to Jess until then, but I had to tell someone. I wanted to tell you.’
Joe knew he should be pleased, he knew how much this meant to her. He appreciated that she’d shared her news with him but he was surprised to find he was experiencing another unexpected emotion. He could taste it.
The sour taste of jealousy.
He had never actually considered what would happen when Kitty eventually settled down and had babies. He knew it was what she wanted but he hadn’t thought about the ramifications, the reality. He hadn’t thought about the fact that she would have other priorities in her life, that there would be someone more important than him.
It hurt to realise she was going to have this experience without him. To realise he wasn’t going to be part of this experience except in the role of a bystander. This baby wouldn’t be hers to keep—but seeing her so excited about it reminded him that eventually that would happen and what would that mean for them?
For him?
He pushed down the sense of jealousy—now was not the time or the place to give in to his own emotions—and raised his coffee in a toast, hoping that somehow he would manage to say the right thing.
‘Congratulations,’ he said as he forced a smile.
* * *
Kitty fidgeted in her seat as she forced herself to eat her lunch as she sat across from Cam and Jess. She was on tenterhooks and had been for the past few days, ever since she’d taken the home pregnancy test. She’d thought that by sharing her news with Joe it would settle her excitement to a point where it would be bearable but she still couldn’t wait for Jess and Cam to hear the results. It was all anyone wanted.
She was positive the procedure had worked but she hadn’t said anything as she really didn’t want to get Jess’s hopes up. Now, after having to wait for the official test, she started having doubts. What if it hadn’t worked? What if the home pregnancy test she’d done had given her a false positive? What if all the symptoms she’d been experiencing were just the result of her over-active imagination or wishful thinking? Surely life wouldn’t be so cruel?
She placed her elbows on the table as the waitress cleared the remains of their lunch away. She leant forward and her breasts squashed against her forearms. Her boobs were definitely still tender, that had to mean something. She knew false positives were unlikely in those home testing kits. False negatives were far more common—and, besides, she’d also gone off coffee. She’d cut down on her caffeine before the embryonic transfer at the same time as she’d started taking folic acid tablets—she’d wanted to do everything she could to ensure that this worked—but now she couldn’t even stand the taste of coffee. Something that had been one of her favourite drinks now tasted bitter, making it easy to stay off it.
Her fingers fidgeted and played with the gauze bandage that was wrapped around her left elbow, a constant reminder of what she was waiting for. She’d had the official blood test and she and Jess and Cam were just killing time until they could return to the IVF clinic to hear the results. Kitty was desperate to get back there.
Finally, with ten minutes before they were due back, Cam paid for their meals and they headed for the door.
‘All right,’ the doctor said as they were ushered into the consulting room and took their seats. ‘We were testing for hCG in the blood. Any increase in hCG levels in a surrogate indicates a positive pregnancy but the levels are significant. The higher the better. Higher levels suggest a viable pregnancy. At this point in time, two weeks post-implantation, we expect to see levels above fifty milli-international