Their stories resonate deeply with me. As someone who has faced very difficult seasons in life, I understand how easy it is to question God and His goodness, to wonder if He really cares. When we are deep in the darkest parts of our heartache, it can be difficult to see the light. But, even then, He is there. Whatever your challenges, remember—you are not alone.
And, because of that, you have the strength and courage to make it through to better times.
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Blessings,
Shirlee McCoy
Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
—Psalm 139:7–10
To the men and women in our armed forces, the true heroes of our world.
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Note to Readers
Once upon a time, Katie Jameson could have sprinted up two flights of stairs, raced down a hall and corralled twenty-five fifth graders with ease. She could have finished her workday, gone to the gym, worked out, made dinner and had a smile on her face when her husband returned home. Once upon a time—when Jordan had been alive and Katie had not been nine months pregnant—she had been energetic, enthusiastic and filled with hope.
Now, she was just tired.
Her mother-in-law’s constant chatter wasn’t making her any less so. Katie loved Ivy. She appreciated how much she and her husband, Alexander, had done since Jordan’s death. But, she had not been sleeping well these past few weeks. The pregnancy was nearing its end. She felt huge and unwieldy, her body uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
And, Jordan was gone. Murdered. The reason for it was as shocking as his death had been. Martin Fisher, a man Katie had gone out with twice before she had begun dating Jordan, had become obsessed with her and decided that getting Jordan out of the way would clear a path to the relationship he longed for.
The guilt Katie felt over that was almost overwhelming.
No matter how many people told her that it wasn’t her fault, that she couldn’t blame herself for Martin’s insane bid to win her love, she couldn’t help thinking that if she had turned down his invitation when he had asked her out to lunch a few years ago, Jordan would still be alive.
She swallowed down tears, refusing to let her mother-in-law see her sorrow. Ivy had lost her son. That grief had to be almost unbearable. Somehow, though, she had managed to pull herself together and focus on her three remaining sons, her granddaughter and, of course, Katie and the impending baby.
Ivy had done everything she could to make certain Katie didn’t feel alone during the pregnancy. If she had not been able to attend obstetric visits with her, Ivy had one of Jordan’s brothers go. Someone was always there, sitting in the waiting room.
But, no amount of in-law love could make up for the fact that Jordan was gone. Over seven months now.
She missed him every day.
Today, she missed him even more.
They should have been at home, checking the hospital bag to make sure everything was packed for the big day. They should have been putting the finishing touches on the nursery, putting away baby diapers and bibs, and making certain that their daughter’s home would be warm, welcoming and ready.
“Are you okay, dear?” Ivy asked, her voice echoing through the quiet corridor of the medical center. Unlike other obstetric patients, Katie had not been ushered to an exam room. She was being taken to Dr. Ritter’s office—a corner room