Later—way too much later—he had read up on postpartum depression and finally begun to understand just how real and painful the condition could be. He continued to keep reading about it to this day, again and again, as if for the first time, asking himself why. That couldn’t bring Jenny back, though, couldn’t get rid of the guilt that haunted him.
She had taken her own life because he was too selfish to put her before his work. Her mother had known it; Anne Maddox had blackened his name in their community so convincingly that some people had shunned him in the street. That was when he’d decided to take Meg and leave, go back to his native Scotland. And to his surprise, Jenny’s mother hadn’t even kicked up a fuss when he’d told her he was taking her only granddaughter so very far away. It seemed as if there was nothing left inside her but hatred and blame, and she hated him so much she would rather lose Meg than have him around. She’d done the right thing by her granddaughter in the end though, by leaving her the cottage. He would always be grateful to her for that.
He and Meg had been relatively happy in Scotland, even though he’d known that they would need to settle down somewhere eventually. He’d found plenty of part-time work on farms and studs, even working in forestry for a while. He and Meg had traveled wherever he was needed, though never so far away that he couldn’t get Meg to Tinytots in Kelso.
He’d tried a few different nurseries, but Tinytots, run by a warmhearted, middle-aged woman named Clare, was the only one that he really trusted with his daughter. When she wasn’t there, he looked after her himself, waking with her in the night, caring for her when she was ill or teething, playing with her and introducing her to the countryside he loved...wanting her to love it, too. He’d had no social life of any kind for years, to such an extent that some people nicknamed him the Recluse, but he didn’t care. He didn’t believe he deserved a social life. His lot in life, he had long ago decided, was to make it up to Jenny by giving their daughter the best that he could.
When Anne Maddox died, leaving her granddaughter the cottage where he and Jenny had lived for the short time they were together, he knew that giving Meg the best meant bringing her home to Little Dale to claim her heritage.
The last thing he’d expected was to find someone living there; he’d been so angry, truly believing the woman was lying. So now what? Dealing with people had never been one of his best skills, and the lonely years in Scotland had left him even more awkward with strangers, especially those of the opposite sex. There would never be anyone in his life again after Jenny—he was sure of that. He’d failed his wife, and he didn’t deserve another chance at that kind of happiness. What right did he have to destroy yet another woman’s life?
He wasn’t going back to Scotland, though, wasn’t going to give up and give in. This Maddie person would just have to put up with them for the next three months; he had no money to give her, even if he wanted to.
Having settled on his course of action, Ross decided to spend the day putting down roots. He laid a row of paving stones up to the trailer door to keep their feet out of the mud. He went to town with Meg and bought a plastic storage container from the local DIY store to put their dirty boots in, and he passed the afternoon building a barbecue area out of bricks just under the shelter of the trees. When their unwanted tenant came back, she would see that he had no intention of moving on. Maybe that would persuade her to move on herself...sooner than she’d planned, at least. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable with his presence, maybe even a little threatened, and he didn’t have any intention of trying to change her mind about that. All he wanted was to be settled with Meg in the cottage...and to land a decent job, of course.
That was another thing he packed into his busy day: traveling around to some local farms in the hopes of finding part-time work, at least. Unfortunately, he had no luck, but tomorrow he had an appointment with the principal of Little Dale Primary School. Once Meg was settled in there, he’d have more free time to pursue his job prospects.
Putting on the kettle, he called for Meg, who was sitting at the table drawing. She loved to draw. “You might be going to proper school soon,” he told her.
“Will there be lots of kids to play with?” she asked, pencil poised above the paper.
“I guess so,” he said.
“Will they be nice?”
For a moment he just stared at her, his small, innocent, beautiful daughter, and the weight of responsibility made him shudder. He’d tried to bring her up to be independent and strong in a hard, tough world, but he knew she could never be tough enough. She had her mother’s sweet, soft personality, and that would never change. It was Jenny’s own personality that had let her down at the end, the inability to stand up to pressure. She’d needed looking after, and he hadn’t seen that.
That was one thing that drew him to Maddie, he supposed. Despite his determination to dislike her, she had that same vulnerability...and yet she’d stood up to him so bravely, holding her ground. That was what he wanted Meg to be able to do.
“I hope so, love,” he said finally.
“Are you all right, Daddy?” Meg asked, huge eyes gazing solemnly up at him.
He blinked, smiling. “Why, yes...”
“You look funny...kind of sad. Are you sad?”
“Sometimes,” he admitted, holding out his arms. She ran into them, and he held her tightly, twirling her around. “We all get a bit sad sometimes.”
“Is it because someone is living in our house?”
“Yes... I guess so.”
“Maybe we could live there, too, if there are enough bedrooms.”
“I don’t think she’d like that,” he said. “No...we’ll be fine in here until she moves out, and then we’ll decorate the whole place. You can choose any color you want for your room.”
“Pink and purple,” Meg exclaimed, clapping her hands as he put her back down.
Red jumped up, pushing against her, and she wrapped her tiny arms around his huge neck.
“Can Red come to school with me?” she asked. “He’ll sit quiet—I know he will.”
Ross studied his daughter’s bright little face, his heart aching. “I’m sure he’d love to, and I wish he could, too, but I don’t think dogs are allowed in school. Don’t worry, though—I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends really soon.”
* * *
MADDIE DROVE HOME from Sky View as the day drew to a close, feeling tired and drained but happier than she had in a long while. It was nice to be taken at face value again, and she was glad that she hadn’t given in to the temptation to own up about her riding experience.
When Jake had told her she could start riding when they had a “suitably quiet horse,” the idea had rankled her. She, Maddie Maguire, the person who used to take pride in being able to ride anything, lowered to novice status? But she’d soon realized she had to think like a novice if she was going to get back on a horse again—which the doctors had told her was impossible. Her balance wasn’t what it used to be, and she didn’t even know yet how capable her body was. She had to take it one step at a time if she wanted to get anywhere at all. And if that meant being a novice for a while, then she just had to swallow her pride and get on with it.
Her stomach lurched when she spotted the trailer through the trees. Would Ross come over and try to bully her out of the cottage again? There was something very disconcerting about him, a primal ferocity that overrode modern etiquette. How he’d ever managed to father such a lovely little girl was beyond her. Anyway, he was in for a shock if he thought he could frighten her away; she was made of tougher stuff than that. He had turned her offer down, so now she just had to stand her ground for the next three months—which, despite her delicate appearance, she knew was