He nodded. “She was a good woman. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her. It’s been a year now, and I still walk in the house some nights and call out to her.” He shrugged. “They say that will pass.”
She touched his arm briefly. “They, whoever they are, say a lot of things, but I think it’s mostly because they don’t want to say that loss of any kind really sucks.”
“Yeah,” he admitted, “it really does. Good night, Lynn.”
The kids had gone inside right away and now she hurried after them. Mitch stood where he was, staring after her.
Something wasn’t right here. Anyone could see that. But he understood the need to reclaim independence after a blow. He also knew that it was a woman’s natural tendency to protect her kids at all costs. If Lynn needed help badly enough for their sake, she’d turn to anyone who offered a helping hand. And if she ever asked, he’d be right there. Somebody needed to fix the unmistakable sorrow and fear that never seemed to leave her eyes.
And he, more than he’d realized, needed a project. Maybe, he thought, they might actually need each other.
* * *
“Raylene’s lasagna is the best,” Jeremy murmured sleepily when Lynn went to check on him before bed. “How come you don’t cook like that anymore?”
“There’s not enough time in the day,” Lynn told him.
“But Raylene works, too, and she does it,” he persisted.
She knew her ten-year-old couldn’t possibly understand how uncomfortable this entire conversation was making her, but it was hard to resist the desire to snap. “Tell me what you miss most and I’ll make it for you soon,” she promised.
“Steak and baked potatoes,” he said at once. “That was Dad’s favorite, too.”
And way beyond their current budget, Lynn thought wearily. Somehow, though, she would make it happen.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Tomorrow?” he pressed excitedly.
“Not tomorrow, but soon,” she said firmly, sighing at the unmistakable disappointment in his eyes. “Now go to sleep. You have school in the morning. Did you study for your history test?”
He gave her a shrug. “Enough.”
Which meant, she feared, not at all. Why hadn’t she sat down with him immediately after dinner and gone over the information with him the way she used to?
Because she’d been trying to figure out how to make that paltry $24.35 last another week, she thought angrily, while her soon-to-be-ex was off dining on steak himself, no doubt.
“I’m getting you up a half hour early,” she told Jeremy. “We’ll go over the material together.”
“Mom!” he muttered with a dramatic groan.
“And don’t even think about faking a stomachache or a sore throat or an earache, you hear me?” She leaned down and gave him a noisy kiss that had him giggling, despite the required protest that he was too old for such displays of affection.
Leaving her son, she tapped on Lexie’s door. “Still studying?”
To her dismay, Lexie looked up from the book she’d apparently been pretending to read, her cheeks streaked with tears. “I miss Daddy,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, but I do.”
Lynn sat down beside her on the bed and gathered her into her arms. “You don’t ever have to be sorry about missing your father,” she assured her.
“But it must make you sad when I say that,” Lexie said knowingly. “I know how hard you’re trying to make everything seem normal.”
Lynn managed a smile for her daughter. She sometimes wondered if faking a smile would get easier with practice, but so far it hadn’t.
“I think it’s obvious that things aren’t normal and no amount of pretending is going to change that.” She tucked a finger under Lexie’s chin. “Now look at me. You love your dad and, despite what’s happened between the two of us, I know he loves you. I will never stand in the way of that.”
“Then how come he hasn’t been around for so long?”
Lynn sighed. “I wish I could explain your father’s actions, but I can’t. Maybe he’s been extra busy at work.”
“I tried his cell phone, but it went to voice mail, and Noelle in his office said he’s away,” Lexie said, proving that she’d gone as close to the source as she could get for answers. “She sounded kinda funny when I called, so I don’t think it’s on business. Do you know where he went?”
Lynn didn’t want to explain about the golf trip to Lexie. Lexie was feeling unimportant enough as it was. Besides, Lynn didn’t know for sure. Rumors were always rampant in Serenity. Only some of them proved to be true.
“Not really,” she told her daughter, whose tears were finally drying up, though the stricken expression on her face was still there. “Why don’t I see what I can find out tomorrow, so you’ll know when he’s due home. Will that help?”
Lexie nodded. “You know what I don’t get? How can I still miss him so much, when I’m so mad at him?”
Lynn allowed herself a small and this time genuine smile at the very complex question. Hadn’t she wondered the exact same thing herself more than once? As furious as she was at Ed most of the time these days, there were moments when the thought of never having his arms around her again made her want to weep.
“Relationships are complicated, sweetie. Love doesn’t go away just because someone’s done something to disappoint you. You know how mad I get when Jeremy drinks milk right out of the carton or when you leave damp towels all over the bathroom floor?” She tickled Lexie. “I still love you.”
“Or what about when you tell me ten times to clean up my room?” Lexie asked, getting into the spirit of the teasing. “I get annoyed, but I still love you.”
“Or when you deliberately disobey me no matter how many times I tell you you’re not allowed to have a snack right before dinner?” Lynn said.
Unfortunately, that one caused Lexie’s grin to fade. “Like there’s anything here to have for a snack these days.”
Once again, Lynn felt the weight of every bit of unanticipated fallout from the divorce. There were the huge things, like Ed not being around when the kids needed him or the mortgage payments being late again and again. And there were the seemingly trivial ones like this, no after-school snacks. Added together she felt as if she’d failed her kids. No matter how much she wanted to lay all the blame squarely at Ed’s feet, she couldn’t. She was their mom. She should be finding a way to provide for her children. Going to work for Raylene had been a start, but it obviously wasn’t enough, not when Ed wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain.
She vowed right then to take on a second job, even if it meant frying burgers at one of the new fast-food restaurants outside of town, anything to put an end to the dismay of seeing her children suffer because of decisions she and Ed had made.
“I’m sorry,” Lexie whispered. “I shouldn’t have said that. It was mean.”
“It was the truth,” Lynn said, then added with determination, “but not for long.”
Lexie regarded her hopefully. “What are you going to do?”
“I’ll find a better job, one with more hours. Or another part-time job,” Lynn said.
“Maybe I could get some babysitting jobs,” Lexie offered eagerly.
“I appreciate your wanting